Newish relationship - Waking me up.

[isitoverreacting]

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or just hyper aware due to my past relationship.

My ex partner used to deliberately stop me from going to sleep. I’m aware it was one of the abuse tactics used along with many others. At the end of the relationship they admitted that they had done that deliberately because they hated to see me rest.

I’ve been seeing someone for just over a year. They know about this part of my last relationship because I have told them.

The new person I’m seeking is often telling me that I work really hard and that I need more rest and sleep.

A few weeks ago, DC was up in the night so I was up with her and it takes me a long time to get back to sleep. I eventually did. Both me and DC was asleep in her room after being up most of the night.

we finally got to sleep at 7am!
soon after, the person I’m seeing came in the room and nudged me awake saying “heh, you ok?”

I was fuming inside. Thinking “why on earth have you woke me up?!”
then DC also woke up. When this happened my partner stood up and said “I’ll let you go back to sleep then”. I said that’s highly unlikely to happen considering both me and DC were now awake

so I basically explained that I’ve been up all night and that I was in DCs room Trying to get her back to sleep and so that I didn’t disturb my partner. I was annoyed to be woken up for absolutely no reason at all.

Anyway, last week, The person I’m seeing stayed over at my house. I got into bed and explained I’m absolutely exhausted. I’ve been working really long days and I was completely and utterly shattered. So I said I need to go to sleep because I’ve got a banging headache and my eyes are stinging because I’m so exhausted. I fell asleep only to be woken up half an hour later by my partner saying “ I think I can hear someone having sex next door” And laughing about it. Again, I was really annoyed because once I wake up, it takes me about two hours to get back to sleep sometimes

I said there is no chance someone’s having sex next door. And it could be the TV or something. But I don’t see it as a reason to wake me up.

i’m aware that I could be completely overreacting with this and I’m hoping it’s not going to happen again. I’d like to think not because I explained that I really need my sleep and when I’m woken up, I can’t get back to sleep.

I don’t think it’s malicious either. I think it’s just a case of not thinking.

No. One or two occasions of waking someone up does not constitute abuse.

What is this person adding to you and your child's life?

What is this person adding to you and your child's life?

This.

I didn't phrase this well.
I wasn't calling him thick as in lacking in intelligence.

I meant if it was just thoughtlessness then he must be impervious to being told something and it has to be repeated several times before it gets through their layer of self absorption.

I didn't think it was thoughtlessness. I think after that many explainations and requests he did it on purpose.

The op has only brought up 2 occasions with the man she has been seeing for a year. You can't reason with some people.

I've not RTFT so forgive me if I am repeating PP, but a very wise poster on here said that she no longer tells new partners the details of previous partners' bad behaviour.

Apparently a therapist told her that if someone intends to mistreat their partner, knowing the details of previous partners' behaviour tells them what the person will tolerate.

Your DP may just be an idiot (which I'd find intolerable anyway) but please keep your wits about you if you even suspect that this new partner doesn't respect you & your wellbeing.

It's not remotely normal if the person doing the waking is a competent adult capable of taking care of themselves. Normal if you're talking about being woken by a young child or someone with the emotional awareness and competence of a young child, yes.

Being annoyed by a competent independent adult waking you up for absolutely no reason when they know that you are tired and have had a broken night and you've told them that you find it hard to get back to sleep if woken - that's a very normal emotional response.

He didnt know she had a long night he was asleep.

You can reason with most people

The op has held on to this for a few weeks. She was upset that she had to explain to him what happened during the night. My partner advised me once not to ask people questions or offer a hand to help because they could blame me for how they feel. The op is looking for someone to blame.

Well he is to blame for waking her up after being told not to

She's looking for opinions on whether she is over reacting. One of the functions of this forum.

It's fairly obvious seeing as she went to sleep in her own bed and was woken up in her child's room.

Even if that's not a clue to having been up in the night to the particularly obtuse, the second example of explaining how tired she was and about her headache was spelled out clearly, yet this person still woke her half an hour after she fell asleep to comment on neighbours having sex. That's not the behaviour of an emotionally mature adult capable of empathy. Perhaps you consider it normal, but it isn't.

If she was tired and had a headache she shouldn't have let him stay over. I was talking about the morning he woke her up in her children's room not the night he wanted a shag.

No one knows her so how can we. All we can do is either tell her she is or she isn't. None of us really no what is going on. I have given my opinion and so has others given their opinion as well as your good self. That's all anyone can do on this gossip site.

If you're three years old, perhaps. But not when you're a fully grown man or woman who is big enough to reach the on switch on the telly and make your own Cheerios.

Her child's food are you serious that's abuse. He doesn't even live there he is only a man she is seeing.

what difference would it make?

It would be less jarring and monotonous to read. Given that 20 posters have agreed with me I'm obviously not alone in finding it irritating.

I don't think you've quite appreciated the sarcasm. It would be normal for a preschooler to wake their parent up if they're awake and alone in the morning, but an adult? Not at all.

He doesn't live there its only right to wake her up. The op didn't mention whether she had let him out or not. It wasn't appropriate him being there anyway. The op should have shown him the door.

Eating someone else's cereal, even if they're a child, is not 'abuse'. It might be thoughtless or unkind, but calling it abuse trivialises what really counts as abuse.

No they aren't, 'hun'

Abuse isn't black and white.

It is insidious, it is things that to others seem innocuous - I don't know if this is abusive, but abuse doesn't have to be loud or hard .

You're being ridiculous