Newish relationship - Waking me up.

[isitoverreacting]

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or just hyper aware due to my past relationship.

My ex partner used to deliberately stop me from going to sleep. I’m aware it was one of the abuse tactics used along with many others. At the end of the relationship they admitted that they had done that deliberately because they hated to see me rest.

I’ve been seeing someone for just over a year. They know about this part of my last relationship because I have told them.

The new person I’m seeking is often telling me that I work really hard and that I need more rest and sleep.

A few weeks ago, DC was up in the night so I was up with her and it takes me a long time to get back to sleep. I eventually did. Both me and DC was asleep in her room after being up most of the night.

we finally got to sleep at 7am!
soon after, the person I’m seeing came in the room and nudged me awake saying “heh, you ok?”

I was fuming inside. Thinking “why on earth have you woke me up?!”
then DC also woke up. When this happened my partner stood up and said “I’ll let you go back to sleep then”. I said that’s highly unlikely to happen considering both me and DC were now awake

so I basically explained that I’ve been up all night and that I was in DCs room Trying to get her back to sleep and so that I didn’t disturb my partner. I was annoyed to be woken up for absolutely no reason at all.

Anyway, last week, The person I’m seeing stayed over at my house. I got into bed and explained I’m absolutely exhausted. I’ve been working really long days and I was completely and utterly shattered. So I said I need to go to sleep because I’ve got a banging headache and my eyes are stinging because I’m so exhausted. I fell asleep only to be woken up half an hour later by my partner saying “ I think I can hear someone having sex next door” And laughing about it. Again, I was really annoyed because once I wake up, it takes me about two hours to get back to sleep sometimes

I said there is no chance someone’s having sex next door. And it could be the TV or something. But I don’t see it as a reason to wake me up.

i’m aware that I could be completely overreacting with this and I’m hoping it’s not going to happen again. I’d like to think not because I explained that I really need my sleep and when I’m woken up, I can’t get back to sleep.

I don’t think it’s malicious either. I think it’s just a case of not thinking.

This post seems to have gone a bit crazy. Some details I have left out or slightly amended so it isn’t outing.

To reiterate - it’s been over a year we’ve been seeing each other. We do class it as a relationship. I’ll use ‘DP’ if that’s more ‘reader friendly’.

DP doesn’t usually stay over when my DC is here. This is very recent and has only happened occasionally.

I have stated very clearly about sleep. There were times a few months where DP’s wrist watch would vibrate in my ear at a ridiculous hour and I said very clearly “please don’t ever have that on when we’re in bed because it’s woke me up and I can’t get back to sleep”

I’ve also said about the alarm going off. DP has set it before really early just to press snooze several times. I’ve said then “please don’t have it going off so early because I will be awake from the first time it goes off”.

When I was nudged awake I made it very clear I was annoyed and said afterwards “why did you come and wake me up? I’m shattered and really exhausted from days of not sleeping”.

Which I’d already said. Plus I was poorly the night before with my stomach which I’d made very clear by saying it all evening and being in pain.

Maybe it is teething problems. It’s not happened loads of times.

all this talk from @Falseknockof how you wouldn’t let your kids play with mine is such a bizarre comment.

There have also been many comments indicating me being delicate or vulnerable in some way. I understand it can seem like that. I was in an abusive relationship with DC’s other parent for 12 years.
I have therapy every week.

I’m a strong and level headed person with a successful career, great friends and an amazing child. Since my divorce I have been working on being by myself and just supporting me and my child. And it’s been hard for various reasons but I’m perfectly happy being single. I don’t need to be in a relationship but I met someone I really got along with and we took it from there.

There are some issues which might seem trivial to some. But I am well aware that I’m ok by myself and I would never settle for something that didn’t feel completely right.

I’m happy to answer questions, but it isn’t ok to insult me. You don’t know me, my past, what I’ve been through and who I am now. I find it really odd to completely disrespect someone online with some of the comments on her almost insinuating I’m a terrible, incompetent mum.

I would never put up with any of that.

Don't let him stay over in future.

Neither of these is remotely acceptable to me. If my children need me, fine. Anything else, really not fine.

This. It's confusing and so are the 'they's And you have to keep re-reading something that could easily have been written properly in the first place. Do you not want to be understood? Some years ago I was in the same room as someone watching Geordie Shore. The people in it refer to themselves in the plural - 'she was kissing us' means 'she was kissing me'. Thank goodness nobody in there was trans or their speech would have been near indecipherable.

For those asking why it makes a difference - it's obvious! The whole thread gets filled with replies about "he" and examples of other selfish men/immature men/replies saying "there are other men out there".

OP I can't get over the feeling that your DP is playing games with you.
They wake you up one way, you tell them to stop. They wake you up another way. You tell them to stop. They wake you up another way. Etc, etc.

They might not be abusing you like your ex did, but they are having fun at your expense.

Don't let them stay over ever again, just meet for dates and then go home.

Last time I looked at this thread it was only one person the op was involved with.

E Last time I looked at the OP, the partner was referred to by the OP as they. I referred to the DP as he in a pp, because other posters had. But then I read the OP. Doesn't mention the sex of the partner. So I've adjusted accordingly. I mean I could write he or she, him or her every time, but that's a bit clunky don't you think?

OP, I am 35 years married and I haven't had even ONE of those multiple conversations you have had with your boyfriend about NOT disturbing your sleep.

You sound like you are determined to be "confused" by his repeatedly doing something you have asked him not to, disturb your sleep.

Selfishness, stupidity, abuse, nastiness, game playing, stamping on your boundaries......whatever you want to call it.......he is not a good man.

He is not someone you should want around your child.

You are in another abusive relationship and now so is your child.

Wake up and listen to your gut trying to warn you.
This is not a good man, no matter how fun he is and good in bed.
Protect yourself and your child from ANOTHER abusive relationship.

OP have you kicked him to the kerb yet ?

You gotta stop picking the manchild. Just stay on your own until the right guy shows up. Don’t force it.