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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to message my friend?

353 replies

Roundmirrors · 05/09/2025 13:40

My best friend went into labour 5 days ago messaged me to say it was all happening, very exciting, she was about to go into hospital etc etc... we have been through thick and thin together and besties since we were little.
It's now 5 days on and I still haven't heard anything more. I have messaged her, but she hasn't read my message (it has been received). I'm really worried about her/baby.
Aibu to consider messaging her family members to check everything is ok? The more time passes, the more worried I am. It's just so unlike her to not message... 😢

Sorry title is wrong! Should say 'message my friend's family'!

OP posts:
sheknowsitstoolate · 05/09/2025 13:41

I’d send a message x

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 13:42

Absolutely do not message her
Message ONE family member

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 13:42

presumably You have her partner’s number?

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 05/09/2025 13:42

Absolutely send a message.
i might actually give my friend a call first to see if she answers, and if not I’d send a message to someone in her family

Mrsphilmiller · 05/09/2025 13:42

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 13:42

Absolutely do not message her
Message ONE family member

Overreact much?

wandererofthekingdom · 05/09/2025 13:43

I'd message a family member too.

BalalaikaBalaclavaBaklava · 05/09/2025 13:44

I personally don't think so. Your friend messaged you to tell you she's gone into labour. 5 days of silence is of course worrying in your situation with a close friend. You can message the family asking just for reassurance she's okay without that being nosy or intrusive.

Original poster
Roundmirrors · 05/09/2025 13:50

Thanks everyone. I don't have her DH number, because I've never needed it / we don't have any mutual friends. But I do have her brother's number, so I'm wondering about asking him.

On one hand I think I'm worrying too much, but also the more time goes on I don't know what to think... It's just all very, very unusual 😢

OP posts:
Justlovedogs · 05/09/2025 13:52

I would drop her brother a text, yes. All may be well, but there's nothing wrong with showing concern.

Tourmalines · 05/09/2025 13:52

Of course you should ring her family . You’ve been through thick and thin together and have been besties since you were little , so they must know who you are .

Strzyga · 05/09/2025 13:54

If it was my friend, I would message her personally.

"Hope everything is ok xx"

Dragonflydancer · 05/09/2025 13:55

Call her brother. This is worrying

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 13:56

Roundmirrors · 05/09/2025 13:50

Thanks everyone. I don't have her DH number, because I've never needed it / we don't have any mutual friends. But I do have her brother's number, so I'm wondering about asking him.

On one hand I think I'm worrying too much, but also the more time goes on I don't know what to think... It's just all very, very unusual 😢

And this is your absolute besties that you’ve been through thick and thin with.

And you don’t have her husband’s number?

Namechange822 · 05/09/2025 13:58

I would call her brother and ask. If you message him and he doesn’t reply you’ll be left in a worse situation than currently. A phone call will let you speak to him directly.

Candlesmess · 05/09/2025 14:01

OP, I can understand your worry.
Unfortunately difficult births and outcomes tend to be the reason for silence in my long experience.
If that is the case, your friend could be processing huge grief, confusion and pain.
She may simply not have the words to explain how she is feeling, so is ignoring everyone.

If you really feel you need to, I would text her brother your desire not to overstep, or intrude, but that you hadn't heard from her at all, and were concerned that she and baby were ok.

I really hope everything is ok.

Thepeopleversuswork · 05/09/2025 14:02

Send her a message but without any expectation that she will respond.

In all likelihood she’s exhausted and overwhelmed and may have had a traumatic labour. If something terrible happened you would have been told.

Show her you are there but don’t put her under any pressure to respond.

AgentPidge · 05/09/2025 14:05

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 13:56

And this is your absolute besties that you’ve been through thick and thin with.

And you don’t have her husband’s number?

Show quote history

Don't be silly. Why on earth would she have his number?

Original poster
Roundmirrors · 05/09/2025 14:08

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 13:56

And this is your absolute besties that you’ve been through thick and thin with.

And you don’t have her husband’s number?

Show quote history

I don't! But she doesn't have my hubby's phone number either. Neither of us have ever had reason for us to have each others hubby's numbers. Us just having each other's numbers has always sufficed, even when we do meet up with respective DH in tow!

OP posts:
WasherWoman25 · 05/09/2025 14:13

Does he husband have any sort of social media that you could contact him on? I think I’d feel more comfortable messaging him? If she hasn’t contacted her best friend, she might not have spoken to her brother either?

LoafofSellotape · 05/09/2025 14:14

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 13:56

And this is your absolute besties that you’ve been through thick and thin with.

And you don’t have her husband’s number?

Show quote history

I have 3 friends who I've known for over 18 years, holiday together, socialism, I don't have their husbands' numbers,I don't think that's odd

Yes, OP message the brother. Hope everything is ok .

ComfortFoodCafe · 05/09/2025 14:15

Shes probably just knackered from giving birth & caring for a newborn. Im sure if something terrible had happened, you would of heard by now.

AgentPidge · 05/09/2025 14:15

Roundmirrors · 05/09/2025 14:08

I don't! But she doesn't have my hubby's phone number either. Neither of us have ever had reason for us to have each others hubby's numbers. Us just having each other's numbers has always sufficed, even when we do meet up with respective DH in tow!

Show quote history

Same here. Friends for over 20 years. The only time I've spoken to him on the phone is on their landline.

Illberidingshotgun · 05/09/2025 14:20

It's never a bad thing to care about someone, and I would definitely be as worried as you are if she were my friend. Clearly, whatever is going on means that she is not on her phone much, or not wanting to be. I think a message to her brother is a really good idea, tell him how concerned you are, but that you don't want to "pester" her. I really hope all is ok.

Bananachimp · 05/09/2025 14:25

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 13:42

Absolutely do not message her
Message ONE family member

Calm down

WhereIsMyLight · 05/09/2025 14:30

Aquickturn · 05/09/2025 13:56

And this is your absolute besties that you’ve been through thick and thin with.

And you don’t have her husband’s number?

Show quote history

Why would she have her husband’s number? I don’t have my best friend’s husbands number, she doesn’t have mine. I’ve been friends with her for nearly 30 years and her husband was at school with us. I still have no need to talk him and therefore I don’t need his number.

If something happened to me or my best friend, our DH’s know the passcodes for our phones and would either get the number from our phone or use our phone.

OP, I’m going to go against the grain and say message your friend. She might just be taking longer than usual. She might have forgotten. I absolutely know you’re worried and I would be too but on the family side, if something bad has happened having people message you is really hard. If something has happened, they will be in touch when they can put words to what they’re feeling.

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