Aibu to message my friend?

[Roundmirrors]

My best friend went into labour 5 days ago messaged me to say it was all happening, very exciting, she was about to go into hospital etc etc... we have been through thick and thin together and besties since we were little.
It's now 5 days on and I still haven't heard anything more. I have messaged her, but she hasn't read my message (it has been received). I'm really worried about her/baby.
Aibu to consider messaging her family members to check everything is ok? The more time passes, the more worried I am. It's just so unlike her to not message... 😢

Sorry title is wrong! Should say 'message my friend's family'!

I don’t have my bestie’s DPs number. She doesn’t have my DP’s number. Not weird 🤣

I agree
but to your absolute best friend of decades?

I would ping her a message sending her love, letting her know she can depend on you if she needs anything. No ask too big or small. If anything has happened, her DH will have her phone on him and call you.
When something bad happened to my friend, her DH took my number from her phone and called me.
If you start messaging family, that potentially don't even know she's gone into labor, you risk creating a big thing.

Says the poster who got herself in a twist about having a snack on a bus

Haven't read all the replies but agree this sounds quite worrying, particularly if are in very regular contact usually, and she was messaging you en route to hospital.

I do also think it's a bit odd you don't have her DH's number if you are truly that close, but that's not really the point. Personally, I would message her brother at this stage x

It's strange that you haven't heard anything. Even if the baby was in the SCBU, normally you would expect them to have announced the birth. It does sound like something went terribly wrong. I would contact a family member. If something has gone horribly wrong, your friend will need your support.

My 4th child was stillborn. We had lots of enquiries from friends & family, who knew that I'd gone into labour, asking about the baby & some 'congratulations' messages as everyone assumed all was well us having had 3 healthy babies. All we wanted to do was hide away from people, somehow we felt that we'd let everyone down - strange I know, but grief isn't necessarily logical.

We named him, have pictures on display with all our family photos of us holding him & his feet and handprints. We 'celebrate' his birthday every year going to Mass with the family followed by a meal.

I’m so sorry that you went through this.
I imagine it must be so difficult having to let people know in that situation.
xx

I agree. Though maybe phrasing it so it’s a statement rather than a question would help to take any pressure off her if she’s not in good headspace or situation to reply right away.
Eg “I’ve been thinking of you lots and really hope that all is okay. I’m here for you if you need me.”

Are you local op?
you could pop over to the house, leave a bunch of flowers or some chocs and a little note to say that you are thinking of her and hoping all ok. Don’t knock just leave outside

Personally I'd phone her brother.

hope she's ok xx

I'd be worried sick too. I think messaging her brother is fine.

Tbh labour could have taken 2-3 days and exhaustion and getting to grips with everything could mean another few days or weeks

I would give her space, the last thing she will want to do is be under an obligation to call or text even a thumbs up even if everything has gone according to plan.

Thank you - yes it was hard letting people know. Some people were very kind & supportive, but many avoided us as if it was somehow contagious, some said 'well you have 3 healthy children and you should be grateful for that' as if Alexander had never existed.

The worse thing was explaining to the older children that their little brother had died having prepared them for a new baby, suddenly there wasn't one & mum & dad were sad & crying & their grannies were looking after them. I also went into a big depression for a couple of years which, though understandable, didn't help. I still sometimes have depressive episodes (including attempts at suicide & self-harm) in January (when he was born) & have had to take months off work as a result.

As you're such great friends I'd message for sure, I had a truly terrible experience giving birth to my son and I couldn't even call my parents for a week after as I know I'd sob down the phone and that's it, and didn't want to talk to anyone for a bit which was so not like me, I was just dealing with the aftermath of it all and felt like I couldn't speak of it without breaking down so just didn't. Maybe she had a bad time, who knows but that nay he a reason she's not been able to he in touch yet.

I have never given my husband's number to any of my friends.

I do not have the number for any of my friends' partners unless I am also friends with them.

Why on earth would i?

I’ve never had any of my friends partners numbers.

After 5 days I would be very worried. People are usually quick to announce a birth. I would message again and if no response by tomorrow I would message or call a family member.

Maybe message her brother? If it is bad news, he is at least at one remove and can maybe tell you a bit about how his sister is coping. If it is not bad news, but something like tiredness, or trouble adapting to breastfeeding, or a traumatic birth, he should be able to let you know what his sister needs from you. She might need peace and space or she might just not have managed to reply to your messages but would still love to see you.
I hope your worries are unfounded.

Perhaps she’s one of those mumsnetters who have a no visitor rule for circa 6 months or some such nonsense

My first child died in childbirth and I had no idea how to tell all my friends who'd been waiting with bated breath for news. I appreciated it when someone messaged me to ask if everything was OK, as it gave me an opening to say what had happened, and to ask them please to let our other friends know.

It’s perfectly ok to message one of her family members. Sometimes labour goes on for days and then they need to recover, but good to message a family member I think xx

I don’t think it would be usual for complete radio silence from friends under the circumstances. If something has happened then the friend has the option of not switching her phone on or not reading messages. I might just send a message saying “ thinking of you” or similar or message the brother but I wouldn’t just leave it.

100% text someone in her family. Very unusual but also if something major has happened as you’re so close surely someone would tell you? Regardless of that send the message!

Why would she have her friend’s husband’s number? Very odd that you would expect her to have his number. I have the numbers of several female friends but not one of their DH’s numbers. That’s normal.

I would definitely message her brother. Hope everything is ok.