Aibu to message my friend?

[Roundmirrors]

My best friend went into labour 5 days ago messaged me to say it was all happening, very exciting, she was about to go into hospital etc etc... we have been through thick and thin together and besties since we were little.
It's now 5 days on and I still haven't heard anything more. I have messaged her, but she hasn't read my message (it has been received). I'm really worried about her/baby.
Aibu to consider messaging her family members to check everything is ok? The more time passes, the more worried I am. It's just so unlike her to not message... 😢

Sorry title is wrong! Should say 'message my friend's family'!

She may still be in hospital - so definitely call/text her brother.

I have friends I am very close to - 15-20 year friendships where we often saw each other daily when our kids were younger... No, I don’t have any of their husbands’ phone numbers and I’m not friends with any of them on FB. My DH has none of my friends’ contact details either. This is normal.

I would check her SM (FB, insta if she uses) and if there’s no update on there I would contact the family member whose number you have. In fact in case there is a problem I think the brother is a better person to contact than her DH.

Yes, actually, a ‘hope all is ok?’ Message to your friend would be fine, but I would text/WhatsApp rather than phone .

This is a good point. It’s quite common for people to be in labour for a few days, so it’s worth remembering that the fact that she said five days ago that the labour was starting doesn’t mean that she delivered the baby five days ago.
However, I can see why you’re worried. I agree with others that you could try messaging her by text (in case internet reception for WhatsApp is difficult in the hospital). Also, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to message her brother.
I hope all is alright. x

So specific reasons. You must see though that without these particular things happening, it’s not unusual to not have a friend’s partner’s number? Some people have ‘couple’ friends, others have close friends they’ve known for years but have no relationship with their partners.

Over 32 years to have never had a specific situation…. I find that curious 🤷‍♀️

Nothing different to add that hasn't been mentioned before, but just wanted to say that I hope everything is OK x

I thinking contacting her brother is fine. If the baby is in NICU or similar then her and her dh will be in the hospital day and night but her brother should be able to let you know how things are. Presumably since you've known her so long the brother knows who you are too and will understand why you're worried.

Agree with this, I don’t have the phone number of any of my friends’ partners either, my friendship is not with them so why would I?

surprise birthday party
when one had sepsis and couldn’t message so he kept us informed
when one lost her phone and didn’t have one for a week

None of my friends have had these situations.

It’s quite normal to never have had a need to call someone’s husband.

I’ve just been thinking and of all my close friends who are in couples, I think I only have two of their spouses’/longtime partners’ phone numbers, and that’s only for some reason that was nothing to do with the friendship, like working with one about 20 years ago.

I wouldn't be asking for any details but think a simple message to partner/sibling/parent (delete as appropriate, only 1 of the options!) asking to pass on well wishes would be appropriate.

You are the only person who does. I find it curious that's the only thing you're taking from this thread.

Hope your friend is ok OP x

This happened to me years ago. My bestie of 3 years. We were pregnant at the same time and I helped her through her entire first pregnancy. I was with her when she went into labour, tracked down her useless ex and her ring me 12 hours later to say she had given birth. She messaged me 3 weeks later, I went around all excited with gifts and it was clear that our friendship was over and to this day I have no idea why.

I wouldn't message the family as she may not have told them she was in labour. I would message the friend again though, mention you're concerned and thinking about her and wishing her the best etc

I guess you didn’t see my first post

Which the OP thanked me for

If she/her husband wanted you to know, and had the emotional capacity to speak to you about it then they would make sure you were informed about what was going on.

As someone who had a very traumatic birth, and then my daughter was born very unwell, the last thing I wanted was endless messages, giving me something else to feel like I was failing at, or people messaging family members asking questions I wasn't ready to give answers to, and putting them in an awkward position, and phoning the hospital, as suggested, would be very intrusive.

Just leave them be, this is about them, and not about how you're feeling. You'll hear in due course, on their timeline.

I wouldn’t message or phone her brother tbh. I realise this is worrying time for you but when she’s ready to let you know what’s going on she’ll reach out. If there has been an undesirable outcome her brother may still be reeling too.

I don’t have the phone number of my friend’s husbands or partners either. There may have been times in the past we have messaged for specific reasons but I don’t keep numbers stored on my phone and wouldn’t expect them to update me if/when their numbers have changed which they are bound to have done over the decades.

Those friends who have landlines are the only ones that I have direct numbers for their partners because of a shared number. I don’t think most people bother with the numbers of partners.

I would ring her.

I'd definitely phone her family member. Hopefully she's feeling just a tired and overwhelmed after the birth and has too many people to catch up with, but it's reasonable that you are concerned. Or you could text if you're worried about being intrusive. You only have to say Hi, haven't heard from Angie yet, hope everything's OK, please let me know if you have a moment.

And this is your absolute besties that you’ve been through thick and thin with.
And you don’t have her husband’s number?
I've been best friends with my friend since 1982 and I haven't got her Dhs number. Ive been very close friend with my mate since 1990 and I haven't got his number either.
In fact out of my social group I haven't got any friends partners number.

It's your best friend - why wouldn't you message her?