Step-child and wedding exclusion

[Dazedandconfusec]

I have never posted on here to write a post before but have been on here long enough to know there are hundreds of posts about how a man has raised a child as his own only for his family to draw a line and not invite the stepchild to their wedding.

My child is 12 and has a fully involved father, never 50:50 because of the nature of his work but he is involved, sees her all the time and they have just got back from a two week holiday.

I am just so angry that my brother-in-law has not invited her to his wedding, the wedding where her step-dad is best man and her little half-sister is a bridesmaid. Her half-brother is also invited. I am the mother to all of them.

I know she has a whole life without us, in many ways she is more privileged than her siblings but I am just angry and tearful about this.

Yes, best to establish whether DD would actually want to attend before trying to make any kind of issue of it.

I think also, even assuming the short term issue can be satisfactorily resolved, it's in your best interests to accept that she isn't seen fully as family by some of DHs relatives and that's ultimately up to them. Personally I'd have invited DD, but it doesnt much matter what others outside the family would do.

I don’t see why that is relevant in this case - we aren’t talking. About making provision in a will!

would you invite a friend and only two of the three children on their household? Of course not!

BIL is being unnecessarily cruel to a child. She doesn’t have to be flower girl but she should be invited along with her mum and siblings

Isn't there middle ground though?

My DSD doesn't go and stay at my parents or siblings house with my bio kids, but she's definitely invited to things like weddings and christenings. I think if she lived with us full time, she would definitely be invited for less formal gatherings like sleepovers, but she's often not here when they go.

Coming to think if it, my bio son often doesnt go because of the age difference between him and his younger siblings. Him and DSD are older teens; all the rest of their siblings on both sides are in primary school or very early secondary so they do more together with their similarly aged cousins.

Why couldn’t they attend? Were they not invited?

But what if she regularly sees her nieces and nephews BUT never sees her brother’s step child?

Because she’s part of the family . It doesn’t matter if you’ve met them once or a thousand times!

I have met my sibling’s step child ONCE…. At their wedding 6 years ago.

Every time my children and I have visited or vice verse, his step child has been with her all “very involved” father, so I don’t think I could even now pick her out in a lineup!

It's clearly intentional. From what it sounds like all the siblings live together

He does but they are adults. The only u18 children who will be there is my partner’s 17 year old and my grandchildren.

On post like this a question as stupid as this is always asked! Ops ex the child’s dad isn’t the other kids dad so why would he take them anywhere? The dynamic is completely different so this question is irrelevant

She’s not part of my family. She might be considered part of my brother’s family but she’s not someone I consider family.

That’s downright nasty, I can’t believe the posters saying they agree with him. She’s 12 ffs! Old enough to understand the implication that she’s not seen as part of the family she’s had no choice but to be in, and young enough for that to damage her self esteem long term.
It would be all of us or none of us if I were you, op. The disappointment of missing a wedding for your other children would be nothing on the impact of the rest of you going on your eldest.

Name checks out

Its awful OP, I’m always invited to all family events on my Stepmum and Stepdads side as are my children

Exactly!

As I say, I couldn’t pick my brother’s step child out from a line up! Whereas my nieces come and stay with me regularly!

The bastard dad is my dad.

I am female.

What has she done to you?

Do you stink?

Same. I last saw this child when she was 5 or 6. I’ve seen her only that once.

I wouldn’t know her if I met her in my soup.

I’m totally with you on this OP, it’s incredibly hurtful to you and your children. It’s hugely inconsiderate. Your family is one big unit, you invite the whole family or none at all as far as i am concerned. This is also coming from someone with a 23yr old step son, and two of my own.
Thankfully my family and extended family always included him in everything, he lived with us 60/40.

I’m afraid I wouldn’t go. That’s absolutely outrageous behaviour on the part of your husband’s family.

Would be a good chance to catch up since she's been in your sibling's life for so long

Well that’s very sad

And she wouldn’t know me either!

Every time I come over, she’s at her dad’s (once every 6 weeks or so)
every time they visit me, she’s at her dad’s (few times a year)

At his wedding?