Page 3 | Step-child and wedding exclusion

Dazedandconfusec · 2025-09-05T09:29:51+00:00

I have never posted on here to write a post before but have been on here long enough to know there are hundreds of posts about how a man has raised a child as his own only for his family to draw a line and not invite the stepchild to their wedding. My child is 12 and has a fully involved father, never 50:50 because of the nature of his work but he is involved, sees her all the time and they have just got back from a two week holiday. I am just so angry that my brother-in-law has not invited her to his wedding, the wedding where her step-dad is best man and her little half-sister is a bridesmaid. Her half-brother is also invited. I am the mother to all of them. I know she has a whole life without us, in many ways she is more privileged than her siblings but I am just angry and tearful about this.

LittleGwyneth · 05/09/2025 12:20

I wouldn't go, and neither would any of my other children. We are a family and we come as such.

Robin67 · 05/09/2025 12:22

Diarygirlqueen · 05/09/2025 10:48

This is awful, of course you should be upset. How the hell people support this decision i will never understand. And this is meant to be mostly mums on this forum! Excluding one child in a family unit because she's not biologically his! Surely you have been together a number of years if you have 2 children together.

You are one unit, he may not be her biological father but he is a stepdad. To exclude one child is cruel.
My brother met his wife who had a child. We would never have excluded him and all of us have an amazing relationship with him. The thing is, my brother would have stood up to us if we have went down that path. I think the onus is on your husband,
I feel for you and your daughter.

The onus to do what? Force his brother to invite a child he doesn't see as family to his wedding?
Or cutting off contact with his brother, who he loves and who asked him to be his best man, (so not an insignificant relationship then), for the sake of a child who isn't his, not attending a one day event?

LittleGwyneth · 05/09/2025 12:25

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 11:01

I’ve met my brother’s stepchild once.

Why would I invite her to my wedding?

Because she is his family, and it would be unspeakably cunty to invite that child's sibling and not that child.

Crazycrazyfrog · 05/09/2025 12:28

I think there can be two truths - 1. Your DH does see your daughter as his family (he’s 100% right though, it will be a dick move if an invitation is offered and ultimately turned down) and 2. Your DH’s family view your daughter as YOUR daughter. They are kind to her in person but not overly bothered as the reality is if you divorced tomorrow they’d probably never see her again.

I think it wouldn’t have hurt for her to have been invited… but I’d also love to know: in the past 12 months, how many times has your BIL and bride to be seen or spent time with your daughter?

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 12:28

LittleGwyneth · 05/09/2025 12:25

Because she is his family, and it would be unspeakably cunty to invite that child's sibling and not that child.

Show quote history

But they’re not siblings. They’re step siblings and in fact my brother’s adult children have not lived with her in years. And when they did it was rarely (they saw him every Wednesday night for tea and every other weekend. And the weekends were opposite mostly except for holidays)

MyMilchick · 05/09/2025 12:29

Yeah that's shit, I don't care what other people are saying. She's the only one of your family that isn't invited. It's telling her that she's not really part of your family. You've been with this guy for 9 years and have 2 other kids with him, excluding her from a family event is heartless

MyMilchick · 05/09/2025 12:31

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 12:28

But they’re not siblings. They’re step siblings and in fact my brother’s adult children have not lived with her in years. And when they did it was rarely (they saw him every Wednesday night for tea and every other weekend. And the weekends were opposite mostly except for holidays)

Show quote history

They're not Step-Siblings, the OP is the mother to all of the children, they're half siblings if you want to get technical but they are siblings

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 05/09/2025 12:31

You’re a family unit who all live together, it’s awful that she’s singled out and not invited.
It may be slightly different if she was an adult who was less involved in the family but presumably she’s usually there at wider family get togethers which include the bride and groom, eg Christmas, birthdays etc, this isn’t any different.

waterrat · 05/09/2025 12:32

It's disgusting OP

can't understand anyone defending this

Her step fathers brother is getting married and every otehr member of the household/ family is going!

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 12:33

MyMilchick · 05/09/2025 12:31

They're not Step-Siblings, the OP is the mother to all of the children, they're half siblings if you want to get technical but they are siblings

Edited

Show quote history

In my case they are step siblings. I was describing my own situation.

ShesTheAlbatross · 05/09/2025 12:36

I’d refuse to be the maid of honour at my sister’s wedding if she invited my other children but not the step child I’d had in my life for 9 years, since the child was really little.

ETA - to be clear, I’d be totally fine if no children were invited.

MyMilchick · 05/09/2025 12:36

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 12:33

In my case they are step siblings. I was describing my own situation.

Show quote history

Oh Ok. I still think if you have a married couple with 3 children in the house(step or not), inviting 4 out of 5 of the household is a shitty thing to do 💁

mcmooberry · 05/09/2025 12:37

Yep there's been a few threads like this and it's absolutely disgraceful to invite every member of a family unit apart from a 12 year old child. Cannot get my head round it and no defending it at all.

Enough4me · 05/09/2025 12:39

I wouldn't go to pick her over the others to also be excluded. I couldn't leave her out.

Inertia · 05/09/2025 12:42

In this scenario, none of my children would be going , and neither would I .

If DH insists on the invited two children going, I would be taking your daughter away for a weekend of doing something she enjoys. Your husband will then be taking care of the invited two and therefore unavailable for best man duties.

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 12:43

MyMilchick · 05/09/2025 12:36

Oh Ok. I still think if you have a married couple with 3 children in the house(step or not), inviting 4 out of 5 of the household is a shitty thing to do 💁

Show quote history

No minor children are invited - apart from my two grandchildren who are.

My brothers stepchild is a minor child so is not invited.

And I have zero relationship with them. They’ve never even met my partner (and neither has my brother’s wife to be picky about it. But other siblings of bride and groom all were invited with their partners so my brother was as well).

If their mother is offended on their behalf, well that’s a shame. But we won’t be changing our plans.

Rhaidimiddim · 05/09/2025 12:43

The bride and groom here are beyond spiteful. Either they don't recognise what they are doing - in which case they are clueless. Or they do, which is worse.

I would not go, and would not support any of my children going. If stupid BIL wants to cause a family breach, that is on him.

MimiGC · 05/09/2025 12:44

Horribly insensitive to your daughter and to you. How do your in-laws treat her generally? Do they buy her Christmas and birthday gifts the same way they do with your other children?
If, after a discussion with your husband, they don’t invite her, then I would not allow any of my children to go at all. Your husband can go on his own and explain to all the guests who ask where his family is.

Pootletoo · 05/09/2025 12:46

Crazycrazyfrog · 05/09/2025 12:28

I think there can be two truths - 1. Your DH does see your daughter as his family (he’s 100% right though, it will be a dick move if an invitation is offered and ultimately turned down) and 2. Your DH’s family view your daughter as YOUR daughter. They are kind to her in person but not overly bothered as the reality is if you divorced tomorrow they’d probably never see her again.

I think it wouldn’t have hurt for her to have been invited… but I’d also love to know: in the past 12 months, how many times has your BIL and bride to be seen or spent time with your daughter?

This is the most sensible response to this.

We can't possibly know if the DH's family are being cruel until we know how much effort the DH has made to integrate his SC with his family.

If the reality is that they see his family when SC isn't there and they barely know them then obviously they're not going to think of them as family.

MyMilchick · 05/09/2025 12:47

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 12:43

No minor children are invited - apart from my two grandchildren who are.

My brothers stepchild is a minor child so is not invited.

And I have zero relationship with them. They’ve never even met my partner (and neither has my brother’s wife to be picky about it. But other siblings of bride and groom all were invited with their partners so my brother was as well).

If their mother is offended on their behalf, well that’s a shame. But we won’t be changing our plans.

Show quote history

Ok dude, I'm still talking about an OP type situation though not yours. I mean if every child in a household is invited except 1 then it's a shitty thing to do

Rhaidimiddim · 05/09/2025 12:48

NavyNorris · 05/09/2025 10:47

9 years is most of her life! This is absolutely hurtful, your poor daughter.

I think if I'm being honest here- if I was in your situation I'd be so upset about it I'd not go. I realise I am stubborn and not advising you do this of course but that's really hurtful of your BIL.

Show quote history

Not stubborn.
Sticking up for your kids, and showing them what family loyalty means.

sittingonabeach · 05/09/2025 12:50

How old are the other 2 children, are they invited more for the photo opportunity for 2 cute children? How often does your BIL see the DC?

bastarddad · 05/09/2025 12:50

MyMilchick · 05/09/2025 12:47

Ok dude, I'm still talking about an OP type situation though not yours. I mean if every child in a household is invited except 1 then it's a shitty thing to do

Show quote history

I’m female. For the avoidance of doubt. I am not a dude.

BettysRoasties · 05/09/2025 12:51

How often do you / daughter see the couple.

If they rarely see her or know her it’s likely she just didn’t register on their radar were as they know husband has two children. Unless there is a back story where the family normally ignore or don’t involve her.

Your dh is right though if he goes to bat for an invite she can’t then not go.

I do disagree with those who say none of their children would be going. That creates resentment from the other children who miss out because of their half siblings and tends not to go down well when they end up forced to miss their own family events because of their sibling who has a whole other family of their own to visit and have events with.

Richtea67 · 05/09/2025 12:53

NavyNorris · 05/09/2025 10:47

9 years is most of her life! This is absolutely hurtful, your poor daughter.

I think if I'm being honest here- if I was in your situation I'd be so upset about it I'd not go. I realise I am stubborn and not advising you do this of course but that's really hurtful of your BIL.

Show quote history

I would do the same.