Friends judging my side business because I’m a high earner

[Katee91]

I work a stressful but very (financially) rewarding job - comfortably 6 figures with generous bonuses. My DH out earns me and I know we are very fortunate in that respect.

I’m attempting to turn a hobby/passion into a small side business and have spoken to various friends about it.

More or less all of them have questioned why I need to do this as they don’t feel I need the money. That isn’t the motivating factor though, it’s for enjoyment and linked to my passion.

AIBU to feel a bit upset at their outlook with this? Even after I explain my reasons they still turn it back to money.

I don’t think it’s jealousy as my DH suggested, but I just feel a bit deflated and that my friends should be supporting me..

I’ve said YABU because I don’t think you should be concerning yourself so much with what other people think. If your side hustle is truly a passion project, then external gratification shouldn’t matter.

Now I want to know what you do @Friendlygingercat?!

Why is it assumed they are jealous?

Give the hobby money to charity
I wonder what they'd say then?
PS it really shouldn't matter what they think

Well why are you attempting to do it?

I ask that as I'd presume a "a stressful but very (financially) rewarding job" involves a lot of hours and on top of many holidays, where do you get the time for a "hobby" let a long considering making said hobby into a business.

Are they thinking you’ll want to properly commercialise and given that you have a stressful job, you’re putting too much thought into it? Because it’s stopping it being a hobby? I think people are jumping the gun saying they’re jealous/ not good friends!

Why else wouldn't you support a good friend in what they were doing? One friend has already commented about how many holidays op has been on.

Hmm. You don’t do that thing where you downplay your money and complain about the cost of living etc? That’s grating when everyone is managing on less.

You said in your post you have a “very stressful” job. Do your friends get to hear you offload about this? If so they are probably wondering how you have the energy for starting a side hustle given the stress and the lack of any need financially.

Could you not just provide your hobby for the good of humanity? Take out the money side and do it altruistically. Actually you could maybe stick your work on Insta or tik Tok and get some money that way.

I still dont understand why the default is always 'they are just jealous' like what a 12 year old might say, it does not really show much thought, what the OP is doing is great for the OP but I still dont see why people are automotically jealous because they make comments about something, we only have the OPs version of what is going on

I think they are jealous.

I do something like that, I earn a lot but have a little side job, something that's really my passion. I don't need the money, but it is a proper job, the place where I do the hobby has other people doing the same and isn't set up to have one of us volunteering. Yes my main job is stressful, but the hobby job actually helps me to relax.
Your friends probably only work because of money and simply don't understand why anybody could do anything without getting paid for it.

I work with someone who has a side business and he’s always sloping off when the boss’s back’s turned to sort out jobs. It’s actually annoying.

But given your friends don’t work with you, then I can’t see why they’re bothered.

it’s likely jealousy.

It depends it could be that they are judging because you earn enough or they think you will be crazy to leave the high paying job eventually. Perhaps they would love your original job/pay. Or they think the side line isn’t a great idea because it is unlikely to take off. I know someone who makes jewellery which isn’t what I’d buy but she still does fetes etc. It obviously won’t make her rich. But the bigger question is why are you concerned with what they think? Also does being a high earner make you happy because maybe you need to be more honest with your friends about why you are starting it. As you said you are jealous of friend with hobby job.

I've seen this happen to adult friends. Not me. One friend was doing very well. I was so happy for her. Our other friend was so jealous. Why not be supportive to a friend who's making positive choices.

If I had made those sort of comments to a friend about a side hustle it wouldn’t be through jealousy. It would be for one of two reasons:

Either I could see that this wouldn’t work as a business. Maybe she wasn’t skilled enough, there wasn’t a market, the craft took a long time for the sale price etc. Or I thought the only way it would work would be if friends and family supported it.

Or I thought it would make her life worse. Maybe she was already quite busy and stressed, didn’t have the time to do her craft now, regularly told me she was stressed etc.

Money wouldn’t really come into it, except in so far as I would be more tactful if the reason for trying a side husdlr was financial.

Surely hobbies are there to fill your time with things you love.

What difference does it make if it’s tennis, which you pay for and enjoy, or a work hobby which you are paid to do!

I would ignore your friends, I think they’ve been clumsy in there opinions!!

Prove them wrong!!

I'm retired from paid work and work for myself part time. My friend frequently expresses bewilderment at my choice. Not her business and I feel free to ignore her.

Unless your friends feel under pressure to support what you're doing financially it's not their business either.

🍿🥤

I permanently fell out with a friend over the amount of holidays she did.
She told everyone it was jealously. In truth her passion for travel was one of the things that started our friendship. She’s always gone away.
What actually was annoying was she became embarrassed with her adventures and kept talking about how crap work was (she only worked very part time between travels) and her mental health. It was all a bit unnecessary and patronising given she had a great time, living exactly how she always envisioned life.

I feel Op might be similar. Just do the hobby Op.

You’re not allowed to talk about money on Mumsnet unless it’s because you don’t have any.

I do think the missing piece in a useful discussion here is the actual hobby.

I understand the reluctance to get into that but unless you're training squirrels for espionage or running a travelling circus of acrobatic lizards then it's not outing....

Maybe you don’t have that much in common and your “friendship” has developed into petty sniping

Maybe they don’t like you that much

Maybe you don’t like them

Maybe they don’t think you are any good at the thing you are trying to monetise

Maybe the thing is an implausible side hustle

Maybe you are boring. Like many people I have a friend you runs and a colleague who cycles. I don’t encourage them for one second as it only opens the floodgates for more tales and stats and I’ve reached the very tip of my limit.

Edited to add

Maybe they fear being invited to part with their cash at an endless parade of “candle parties” or similar.

Because they actually sound very jealous?

I am self employed with a life style business. I would be having conversations about have you thought that you are turning your hobby into work as that can take the fun out of it.

Agree. It makes no sense in the vast majority of cases where it’s suggested.