Friends judging my side business because I’m a high earner

[Katee91]

I work a stressful but very (financially) rewarding job - comfortably 6 figures with generous bonuses. My DH out earns me and I know we are very fortunate in that respect.

I’m attempting to turn a hobby/passion into a small side business and have spoken to various friends about it.

More or less all of them have questioned why I need to do this as they don’t feel I need the money. That isn’t the motivating factor though, it’s for enjoyment and linked to my passion.

AIBU to feel a bit upset at their outlook with this? Even after I explain my reasons they still turn it back to money.

I don’t think it’s jealousy as my DH suggested, but I just feel a bit deflated and that my friends should be supporting me..

Be careful about turning hobby/passion into business. As it can 'take over' and not be a hobby (an enjoyable one) any more. I know a passionate golfer who landed dream job as a golf pro at a club, and resented it in a really short time. To the extent he resigned after a year and threw away his clubs.

Nope.

You mean I know a new BMW costs more than a second hand Skoda?

Or that a finance director earns more than a teacher?

Or that private school costs more than state?

Or that getting an extension costs a pretty penny?

Or that taking the kids to Disneyland Florida costs more than a week in Spain?

All blindingly obvious and nothing to do with an ‘unhealthy level of interest in others finances’. Knowing any of the above are extremely simplistic things to know about your friends and extremely obvious to have an accurate estimate of what income bracket they fall into.

Duplicate

Duplicate

Honestly people can be very jealous if someone is doing better than them, be pleased for yourself and don’t bother with them. Any genuine friend would wish you well and would be fully behind you.

Theyre probably a combination of jealous and baffled. As in - why would you do both.

Ignore them and enjoy it. Sometimes the people closest to you can be the least supportive of these side hustles, because they don't want you to waste your efforts for such rubbish rewards. I was in exactly the same boat and people were dissuading me too. They might have been right, and saved me a lot of wasted effort. Or I could have had a different life, we'll never know.

But what I do know is when I lost my high status earning job, I didn't spark up my side hustle ideas!

Pole dancing?

Hrft maybe friends think you should be volunteering your time to help people instead of making more money, idk, just a thought.

Jealousy knows no bounds. Sorry your alleged friends aren't quite the real friends we all crave.

You dont need anyone else's permission to follow your passion. Go for it!

🤣

Do we all need the showing off 'Oh look at us the high earners ' There was no need to tell us your husband earns megabucks. It your hobby that's supposed to be under discussion.

I wouldn't regard them as unreasonable.
If they are your friends, self evidently they have your best interests in mind.

Honestly, I’d judge you a bit too. Because I only have income from my hobby and rich people come in, can afford to buy every silk and lace and trim and outbid me on the porcelain doll bodies etc and then they started making the dolls in the style I do and it lowers the amount I can make from what is a niche market I was the only person making the style I do at first and now there are several really wealthy ladies doing it and I gave up - I can’t compete because they don’t even care about how much profit they make as they are doing it only as a hobby.

a lot of small side business people doing it for fun really undercut prices or sell just for material costs making the value of the rest of the peoples art drop.

Your friend’s BMW might be leased or finance, FD salaries vary massively could be pretty low for tax reasons if also a shareholder. A week in a suit at the Ikos Andalusia will be more than 2 weeks in a budget Orlando villa, or maybe they’ve just put it on a credit card. Perhaps all these people are mortgaged up to the eyeballs and barely have a spare penny. Or perhaps they have millions hoarded in the bank and don’t like to spend on cars and holidays.

The point is, outward displays of wealth can be deceiving.

Thefsm with respect, you have to keep abreast of the game. Others will always copy ideas, if you stay still too long the market may become saturated. You need some USP, something that makes your product stand out, have an edge, an interesting slant.
I work in a creative field too, and I always have new projects developing on the back burner. I scour US sites to see what is doing well, trawl through hpinterest for ideas, focus on maintaining good mental health, the spring of creativity.

Have you thought of different selling places? You may sell locally, there are several craft/handmade shops popping up near me, they don't charge for shelf space, only a percentage when you sell. There may be other types of shops that may wish to stock your products, many will agree to a sale or return basis, an attractive way to hold stock. There may be tourist shops in your city- could you make a few products that reflect local history - contact the owners to find out what may be suitable. Are there regular craft markets near you, seasonal fares are often busy, and good profit.
The internet is crowded, but again with an USP you can find a niche. Etsy is full of vendors in a cramped market, but you may try building your own website, WIx or squarespace are simple for beginners. Amazon is a great marketplace- ebay too.
And there is social media for marketing, endless possibilites for promotion.

I am a crafter i a very niche market, and I am extremely busy, all year round. I close my business on December 1st until new year because I can't cope with the volume of sales during that time. I keep my revenue just under the VAT threshhold, and my income puts me into the higher tax bracket.

You have to keep moving.

And a lease on a BMW is still much higher than running an older, less high-end secondhand car. As is salary sacrifice for leasing a high-end car.

If you pay attention to any of your friends holidays – like a good friend, because they chat about it and show you photos – it’s obvious what’s high end or budget.

Lots of wealthy people still spend on credit cards. It’s obvious when they are doing it out of choice rather than having the cash available. And the cash available to pay it off. Especially when they repeatedly do it.

Mortgaged to the eye balls on a high end house still requires you to have a high enough income to be mortgaged that high.

None of the examples are confusing as to who has more money than another. It’s obvious and requires no detective work. None of this is about any one singular spend. It’s obvious because you know a friend well and know a fair amount about their general lifestyle over time.

Do you bang on about being stressed and busy loads? I just roll my eyes now when people I know are stressed and anxious but keep adding more grabby job and responsibilities to their life. I refuse to listen to complaints and moaning about life when people insist on making their lives harder.

She mentions in her OP that her job is stressful. Where does she say anything about ‘banging on about being stressed and busy loads’?

She doesn’t.

Where does she say her friends mentioned her being too busy in their negativities towards her hobby plans?

She doesn’t.

Not sure why you’re speaking so poorly to the OP with things you’ve made up.

I know she didn’t say she banged on about being stressed which is why that was literally my first question? As that’s a reason I’m sometimes negative about people taking on more work.

Fair enough, but she did explicitly say they kept bringing it back to money.

I don’t understand your math, 6 figures is indeed a lot after tax or do you not understand how tax brackets work 😂

You’re missing my point and conflating total income with available cash. Of course someone needs to be earning a decent wage to afford a large mortgage in the first place. But if, by the time they’ve paid for the house, car, credit card school fees etc they have next to nothing spare, then that is more meaningful in the OP’s case than purely what’s on their payslip. Plenty of people out there asset rich and cash poor.

You also seem to be assuming that someone with plenty of money will always choose the most expensive option they can (or can’t) afford - and I’m saying that’s often not the case. The person buying the second hand Skoda could be out-earning the BMW driver by miles, they just have different priorities. Amongst many circles flashy is seen as crass. You never really know what’s going on in other people’s finances (unless they are massively over-sharing).

It's possible to have a stressful well paying job, and have zero responsibilities outside of working hours, leaving plenty of time for enjoyable stress free hobbies, I have a semi-decent paid stressful job, where I have zero responsibilities and give it zero thought once I clock out.

It's also possible to have hobbies that can generate or produce things which are surplus to your own requirements, but still cost money to make as well as the time, and there's a market for certain things. If the OP likes to bake complex decorative cakes as an example, there's a market for monetising that skill, but you may not want to eat a 7 tier wedding cake each week, just because you enjoy baking and decorating.

I build and paint miniature models in my spare time, I'm not particularly good at it, but there are a number of people who are, and either make a living or a "side hustle" from doing commissions for model enthusiasts, and miniature war gamers, so they might like to build and paint models, but don't want to clutter up their house with hundreds of models.

"It's possible to have a stressful well paying job, and have zero responsibilities outside of working hours, leaving plenty of time for enjoyable stress free hobbies, I have a semi-decent paid stressful job, where I have zero responsibilities and give it zero thought once I clock out."

Really? Because in my non-stressful strictly 9-5 job, I still sometimes think about work out of hours, just simple things like whether I need to take something with me the next day, what meetings are coming up, etc. If my job was really stressful, there's no way I'd be able to forget about it completely.

Wouldn’t worry what they think - they may be jealous or worried your taking too much on! I do wonder how your friends would know you earn 6 figures though as not a normal topic of conversation!?