How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

You and me both!

Its a WEEK

I think you quoted the wrong poster. I agree with you. And less of the condescending “lovely” please.

It wasn't meant to be condescending, lovely is a pretty common term in many parts. I was agreeing with you and saying others who were arguing with you had misread it as per month not per week.

Mine like the basics most of the time (DS used to play with egg cartons for hours on end) but I kind of just think if I can do more it’s nice to. I didn’t get taken out a lot as a child outside of park and pub so sometimes I do tend to overindulge on activities for sure.

Yeah, like nobody is gonna get their tiny violin out for me but it feels unfair that it's done on highest individual income rather than household.

You should switch with him for a month and see what he spends. I bet it won't be less. :) people in this salary bracket just spend more I think he is being unreasonable...

Sorry I misinterpreted your post. I’m particularly sensitive on this subject because I frequently get condescension from younger women since I became an old lady (on the outside). I changed hairdressers because of it.

Depending if you think money is to be spent without thinking much if you have it or you think that even when having money you should use it with a bit of care. You need to compromise.

I think £250 per week is a lot, no matter how much your DH earns. When my DD was young and I was on ML or working PT, we join our soft play with a membership. A single day session was around £12, the membership for the month was £16. I guess I could have paid each time, because I had the money, but why would I do that? Same with lunch, you don't need to have lunch out every time, you can do a picnic, or come back home for lunch sometimes....you also don't need to be out doing activities that cost money every single day. With tha amount of money you are spending, I can only think you are out paying for activities and lunches all the time

No worries. I just wanted to offer you some support as I was getting fed up of people arguing with you that £250 a month wasn't much because their lack of reading comprehension means they are arguing a completely moot point because no one is saying £250 a month is unreasonable but £1000+ is just utter madness.

I think a lot of people are underestimating how expensive even ordinary things are nowadays. Perhaps when their DC were young, activities for young children were much cheaper? I can quite easily see how even just a couple of days out a week plus a hair appointment could add up quickly. And to be honest if my DH was on £170k a year I would not expect to be living a life where I have to take coffee in a flask and sandwiches everywhere I go and only do free activities.

But doesn’t necessarily mean you need to spend it. I get it, though - it is £30-40/day, which is not a huge amount and can quickly add up - do you include fuel/travel costs and those types of forgotten costs or is the money on coffees, lunches, entrance to activities etc?

Echo others - purely financially, you are probably at a net loss by not working and not using nursery, obviously the caveat is I don’t know your nursery costs, pension deductions etc. Presume your husband’s salary is now also covering your pension contributions.

Go back to work. For your own financial protection.

I actually found whenever I offered my children a choice (and we did do plenty of days out just not all the time) they always picked something simple.
Quite often I would say " we can do whatever you like today, what do you pick?" (I was a single mum but had money) And they would choose to play football in the park, or go on a bus ride to the pool or something (even though Lego land /Peppa pig world, zoos etc were all options)

Depending if you think money is to be spent without thinking much if you have it or you think that even when having money you should use it with a bit of care. You need to compromise.

I think £250 per week is a lot, no matter how much your DH earns. When my DD was young and I was on ML or working PT, we join our soft play with a membership. A single day session was around £12, the membership for the month was £16. I guess I could have paid each time, because I had the money, but why would I do that? Same with lunch, you don't need to have lunch out every time, you can do a picnic, or come back home for lunch sometimes....you also don't need to be out doing activities that cost money every single day. With tha amount of money you are spending, I can only think you are out paying for activities and lunches all the time

if my DH was on £170k a year I would not expect to be living a life where I have to take coffee in a flask and sandwiches everywhere I go

This is exactly what we do/did esp when we were going out regularly with the children. We earn more individually than OP’s husband. Not because we are stingy but it just made more sense than wasting money on coffee and sandwiches from cafes.

I'll only have approx £13k to lpay for everything when I retire at the end of the month, so it certainly seems excessive to me!

I may have to colour my hair at home with box dye...

I get my nails (hands and toes) done every 3 weeks. Lashes every fortnight, brows once a month. I have hair extensions so I get a weekly blow dry as this saves me so much time as I don’t need to style my hair for the majority of the week. I used to get a monthly full body wax but in the end I had a course of laser hair removal which I think has saved me so much time and money in the long run.

I also get a monthly facial and alternate between a hydrafacial and microneedling. I am currently following a medicated skincare regime which I pay for monthly. I get a full body massage every month which I’m not sure counts as a beauty treatment as it helps me tremendously with chronic pain but I know people would count it as such so I included it in the total.

My hair is every eight weeks but this includes a full take out of extensions, full head of highlights with olaplex and extensions putting back in. Then I have ad hoc things that happen every few months like injectable skin boosters and I buy new extensions every 6.

I always find it interesting on threads like these where posters claim to be very high earners but also claim this kind of stuff is vanity and they would never spend the money on it. My DH works in finance and his job is very heavily male dominated. The majority of his colleagues have set ups similar to us (working husband, SAHM) and they all have similar grooming routines. I know there are some who spend so much more with monthly very expensive laser co2 facials.

Our friendship circle contains similar high earners and I think the only woman I know that doesn’t have an expensive routine grooming routine is a doctor in a hospital. But everyone I know spends a decent amount of money on their skin and hair.

Mine often want to go to the pool ect but the pool with all the slides which is a drive away. We have amenities near us but a lot of the good stuff is a drive/train ride away. They love taking food to the loch and playing in the woods the most, which is free apart from the transport. To be honest a lot of the actual cost is getting places. Most of the time it works out cheaper to drive but they like the train and they don’t ask me “are we nearly there” a million times so it’s worth it.

Yes, I think OP needs to do some budgeting. 2k for mortgage, utilities and transportation is a bit aggressive. For us, mortgage itself is over 2k. And food 1k. We also need to budget in rainy days and holidays, which can be 500 each. So essentials already costs 4k a month. .

everyone I know spends a decent amount of money on their skin and hair.

Or indecent depending on your viewpoint. I’m vain but that list has made my jaw drop. The amount of time it must consume is incredible.

It’s actually not hours upon hours. A blow dry is 50 minutes a week. I don’t style my hair at all for the first 5 days so this is so worth it to me as it saves me insane amounts of time. I wake up and run a brush through and I’m good to go. It takes me an hour to wash and blow my hair myself.

Lashes is 40 minutes every two. Nails is 2 hours every 3. A facial is an hour a month and so is a massage. My hair may take an extra 90 minutes longer than a standard full head of highlights but the post I replied to said she got hers done every 5 and I get mine every 10, so it evens itself out.

I get up in the morning and it takes me 20 minutes to get ready. My skin is good, my hair is done. I know it’s not for everyone and but I don’t think it’s massively time consuming.

Exactly. Who can be arsed with all those appointments?

I know plenty of people who earn decent money. But no-one who has anything out of the ordinary like hair extensions, injectables or designer skin care.

Most of my friends and colleagues dye their own hair, do own nails and hair removal or might have gel nails for summer holidays and Christmas parties, not year round.

Hair extensions, out of the ordinary?

Add all that up. It absolutely is hours upon hours. 😂