How much would you expect to spend weekly if your DH earned this?

[Righan]

DH earns around 170k.

I gave up work (well paid also, around 80k) to look after dc. I was used to spending what I wanted when I was working.

i have access to the money, that’s not the issue.

I spend around 250 a week for me a one dc for our activities, getting my hair done (not every week for that but an example), nails, lunch, soft play, farms, zoo, or whatever. Our other expenses like food and petrol are on top of this. We do online shop.

DH can’t understand how I get through this and wants me to rein it in. I think it’s hugely stingy given his income. We are comfortable. AIBU? We only really see him at weekends and part of me feels he should have no say in what we do to get through the week!!

So odd that the % of people earning this in the UK is really small but half the people on this thread claim to earn more.

you’re all fantasists

I was sad to read your post. I feel that this is not really about the money at the end of the day. You were earning a decent wage and were used to having your own fun money, for want of a better word. You must miss that freedom on some level. Now your DH is still living the same life he always had, on his terms, while you have had to make all of the changes and adjustments. He hasn't a clue how exhausting it is, physically and mentally, to care for one's young child. It is relentless. He sees the money being spent and thinks you are living it up while he is earning it. The truth is, you are both working very hard, and he needs to see and understand that. Have a conversation with him about the lives you are living now versus the lives you thought you would be living. See if you can meet somewhere in the middle so that both of your needs are being met. Best of luck and update us xx

I know lots of people that do earn that amount and above. I guess it depends on your career choices?

our joint income is way above that even excluding bonuses.

I don’t think 170k pretax income is a lot to be honest. When you take away tax and pension, and some insurance premiums then the take home pay is hugely reduced. Do you know what’s the take home pay per month?

Ah thanks. I did think it sounded quite a lot like that other one from what I remember.

Quite - plus if I was the sole earner I would want to be putting a decent amount away in savings and investments, and paying for decent critical illness cover and health insurance. And hopefully he is also saving into a pension for @Righan

You need to look at the overall population of the country. In 2024 357000 people earned over £150k in the uk

£250 is a crazy amount to fritter away no matter what someone earns.

That's £1000 per month with nothing to show for it. That's shameful!

If he's putting 10% into pension his net salary on £170,000 as a sole earner is about £7,600. Thats assuming he doesn't have things like healthcare, company car, student loan etc taken from his salary. In all likelihood he does have these things subtracted and so it's a lot less.

And one would hope he's also paying into a pension. For the op

You’re a family and need a family budget. Both of you need to be accountable to each other.

I spend £20 a week. So yes, YABU.

sorry but 250 a week on hair and nails etc that screams vanity to the nth degree also screams trophy wife can see why he is upset

Out of curiosity do you have a pension?

You can also entertain yourself and DC very cheaply in London. Lots of free attractions, free public transport for DC, or annual passes that are a bargain if you can visit regularly.

But you'd be utterly stupid to spend all your money without thought unless you have a secure income, mortgage paid off or small, pensions sorted, good savings, etc etc.

What if the OPs DH loses his job and cannot get another one, what if he becomes ill or dies, what if they separate? The OP is only focussing on 'my DH earns loads of money so I can spend what I want' but she doesn't seem to consider their financial position and whether it's actually affordable.

She's going get a rather unpleasant shock if it comes to retirement age and she has no pension and they've spent all their money so can no longer afford the lifestyle that they're accustomed to.

yes exactly. I would be very reluctant to spend that much if my partner is the sole earner of the house. There is a possibility that the job is lost, especially in this economy. I think OP is very optimistic about their earnings and situation.

Indeed. Everything is very expensive now. Although 7600 is a good salary but I’d prioritize saving and investment at this stage and then figure out what is a reasonable amount to spend on nonessentials.

Have you got memberships at all the local soft play and farms etc? I can see how you spend £250 if not and you should really take packed lunch. Is petrol etc on top of this?

Go back to work OP. Take back control. I’m the high earner and my partner does renovation (capital projects) and I run the opex, mortgage and running costs.

If he was spending 1k a month on this stuff I’d be having words too.

Women should never lose control of their financial independence.

Exactly
Say 500 /month into a modest pension for Op
at least £2000 into savings and investments (and really that's not a lot when it would only save £24k a year and he's the sole earner)
Min £100 /month on critical illness and health care

We're down at £5000/month now of which let's assume at least £2000 goes on mortgage, council tax , utility bills , transport to work, food etc.

So maybe they have £3k "disposable" income -and op.is spending a third of that on frittering ...

Didn't realise, we are over but that's between us so that's why I've never checked

InveterateWineDrinker

I'm now beginning to place a finger on why so many objectively well-off people seem to think they are poor.
(Spoiler - I think it's because they piss it up the wall.)

I think this thread might be an outlier more than indicative on what people do

Not adjusted for you bringing in 80k if DC were at nursery.

Op do you have your own savings? Have you started a private pension?

If her partner expects her to look very groomed I can see how the money gets spent very quickly

But agree that OP should put some into savings/private pension