Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

Of course you’re bound to be worried but you clearly have an amazing girl who will do spectacular things.
She’s going to fly high. Imagine how proud her mum would have been of you both.

Do not reveal which uni your gd is attending on here. There is enough information for her to be identified.

people should know better than to ask.

I’d feel safer on public transport in central London late at night than in an Uber, black cabs are easy to hail on the street.

What a lovely positive thread, so nice to see a properly supportive discussion. Congratulations OP, you must be so proud.

So would I, but honestly if she is in halls at UCL she is central enough to just walk or cycle most places. I probably wouldn’t get an Oyster card (I don’t have one and I live in zone 2).

I mean, she can get one after a month or so if she finds she needs one. But I wouldn’t splash out on an annual one just yet, in case she doesn’t really use it.

My daughter went to university in London and loved it. She went straight after Covid and had never even been to a nightclub before so I was worried but I needn’t have. A local library will be good if she likes books but can’t keep them all, as are charity shops and vinted for clothes. My daughter joined OTC as a club and loved it and the social life was great and joining the tennis society will be fantastic. The opportunity to go to Wimbledon and Queens in the evenings (or even work there) would be fabulous for her - Wimbledon ballot for tickets is already open. But just turning up and going in the evening for return tickets is great fun too. I wish her so much luck and congratulations to her on a place at such a great university and gutsy of her to make the decision to go to London and experience everything that it has to offer. Also lots of sights “what’s free in London” type of thing and theatres offer discount for students.

Your GD sounds wonderful and I’m
sure she will have a fabulous time.
As far as clothes / fashion - my just turned 19 year old likes Hollister clothes - wide leg jeans, pretty tops and slouchy jumpers. Longchamp Le Pilage bags are a favourite of this age group. For footwear - NB or adidas trainers, black knee high boots and DM’s
are all very popular. Good luck to her

You are not being unreasonable purely because you are entitled to feel how you feel. I think you know that a lot of this is routed in your own experience.

You sound absolutely lovely. Your GD has done so well. I'm sure that's from your amazing support, you've given her the confidence to go for this. It's testament really, like she knows she can be so far away and still have your support.

I'm in Northern England. No real experience of London. I'd just be really upfront and say you don't know how things are done in London but you are keen to support her. And once she's there a while any little things she thinks she could do with, just to ask.

Best wishes to you all.

I don’t know if someone has suggested it OP but if you’re on Facebook then look for a UCL parents page. I joined one when our DD went to her uni and it was invaluable throughout her time there.

I know which hall that is. The hall is split into two parts, there is a catered hall which is much larger and then there is a self-catered hall which is about a quarter of the size.

(If it's the one that I'm thinking of)

It is literally only a three minute walk to UCL so there will be no problems going there and back (it's not like she'll have to traipse up to Camden to Ifor Evans).

As others have said, there will be all the real dangers of living in London that everyone else has to deal with on a daily basis.

But, given where she will be living, her daily commute will be a three minute walk and there are plenty of supermarkets nearby. There are a couple of Waitroses and a Tesco Metro nearby as well as smaller shops.

Aww OP totally natural to worry, she’s your baby and she’s been through a lot.
I live in London and my 12 year old commutes to school every day, changes trains at Clapham Junction, deals with cancelled trains and tubes, all by himself. He’s not an especially streetwise kid but it’s perfectly safe and manageable. I’ve also had lots of lovely au pairs over the years, young girls from all over the world, not all of whom spoke English! They’ve all had a ball and never had any issues with crime etc.
She just needs to be a bit aware of her surroundings, mobile phones being grabbed out of peoples hands is the main risk here. And tbh if that’s the worst thing that happens, well it’s not the end of the world.
Be proud of your brave bright girl ☺️

Hi OP,

You sound lovely and so does your DGD.

She’ll be absolutely fine. London is a fantastic city and - despite what you can read in the media - it is very safe, especially central London. I’m actually worried about sending my own daughter to university away from London in two years’ time. :-) We’re just scared of what we don’t know, I think.

As I always tell my daughter, look after London and London will look after you.

For background, I came to London from France when I was nineteen with just a suitcase. The coach dropped me off at Victoria Station and I made my way to my hall of residence, not too far from Goodge Street actually. I barely spoke any English and had lived in a small council estate flat in rural France until then. First person in my family to go abroad. First person in my family to go to university. I was welcome with open arms by everyone and slotted right in. I adopted the city and it adopted me.

Your GDG will find that a lot of people are like her: new to London and super excited to be here. No-one will care what she wears or anything like that.

Her hall will have a warden and senior students who keep an eye on what’s going on. You could try and get in touch with the warden - just to introduce yourself.

As others have said, she should be careful when she uses her phone. I have a strap to keep it secure although it’s best to have it safely hidden in your bag. And just like everywhere, always be aware of your surroundings, always know who’s behind you, and try and go out as a group at night.

All the best to you and your DGD. And very sorry to hear about your DD. 💐

I used to work in London in my twenties.

I have to say that I found central London safer walking around at night than my local town. This is because there are always lots of people milling around.

Good advice about the phone and being aware of not leaving drinks unattended.

Maybe look up the Suzy Lamplaugh trust charity for tips for young women on how to keep safe.

OP, I hope she has a wonderful time in London and enjoys her course. We live in London and DC studied MFL in Scotland and abroad and sat A Levels at 17 so did this in reverse. A friend’s son also studied MFL at UCL.

Agree on the issue of taking care of her phone, watching for getting her drink spiked etc. Echo point on crossbody bags and watch out if she puts a wallet into a compartment on the back of her backpack.

Good to have some paracetamol / neurofen in case of student sniffles. DC was poorly at the end of his first term and his flat mates kept an eye on him and went out for juice etc.

Worth booking the train home for Christmas as soon as booking opens as she will be able to travel much, much cheaper - I can see tickets from London - Glasgow with a student railcard for £24.

If she likes tennis, get her to enter the draw for Wimbledon, it has just opened.

Free tickets to BBC shows on the BBC website. £10 tickets to the National Theatre for young people;I recommend Inter Alia which is on at the moment. £30 tickets at the ROH for young people. Cinemas such as Picturehouse offer discounted tickets for students.

If you have a good dentist, worth her having a dental check up when home.

I know somewhat how you are feeling OP. I have no children but my father grew up in Galston. Your granddaughter will be absolutely fine. Order or get most of the stuff like kitchen equipment that she needs once she’s there. All kitchen equipment will need to be kept in her room if my brothers experience is anything to go by. Our parents loaned him some things from our childhood and they never came back. Brother went to York. Absolutely she will need to be aware of her surroundings but for the most part keep your head down outside of uni and she’ll be fine.

First of all, what amazing grandparents you are!
My daughter took a gap year, and at just 18 set off to travel around Asia for 7 months, by herself.
Funnily enough I was more worried when she went to university last year!!!
But she was absolutely fine, they make friends VERY quickly in halls, and tend to go out together/ hang out together.
The one thing I’d tell her to watch out for is possible spiking of drinks when out - my dd has seen this happen to one of her friends.
I also have her as a “find a friend” on my I phone, I do find that really reassuring. ( She knows I have it, she is absolutely fine with it)
Clothes wise my dd gets loads of stuff from Vinted.
Her dad lets her use his card for an uber if ever she needs to get one home after a night out.
Plesse try not to worry, she will love it, and this time next year, when she’s starting another year, you will look back at how worried you are now and give a wry smile to yourself xxx

She will have the time of her life OP. She sounds wonderful and as do you in your care for her. You’re doing all the right things - she’ll love coming home to you every now and then, and showing you London when you visit. It’s a super special place and generally very safe.

Practically, for her books, the libraries are fabulous and she’ll have no issues there. Clothing-wise, no one bats an eyelid about what you wear in London - it’s part of its charm. I would travel extremely light and get her 90% of what she needs when you get there. The best of luck to you both.

The only concern I would have is that while it is relatively common in Scotland to start uni at 17, it is vanishingly rare in England, so she may occasionally feel left out if all her friends are going to licensed venues. But if she’s more interested in the sportier side of things, she might meet more non drinkers / be socialising in other ways anyway.

I'm Ayrshire too, I have no experience of uni or words of wisdom but I just wanted to say you sound amazing. Wishing your GD the best of luck and hope your nerves settle.
London seems so scary compared to where we live! xc

She will be amazing. She already is a shining star. You don’t need to buy her anything in advance. Once she knows her address you can order everything you need and have it delivered or you can take her shopping. One of my fondest memories is dropping my DD’s stuff in her halls then going to a big TK maxx to get duvet covers, mugs, etc.

I stayed in London for my PGCE . I would just take down bedding (duvet,pillow and bedding set). Pack some paper plates and cutlery.

Once you are there, she can do click and collect or get Argos to deliver. You actually need a lot less than you think.

It’s natural you’ll worry about her. Maybe book a hotel for two nights so you can help her go shopping the next day?

How lucky is she to have such a caring nan AND to be starting an adventure!

Halls are absolutely such a good place to start - there’ll be lots of kit in the kitchen and it’s easy enough to do a team trip to Argos / Ikea on the bus (and there’s loads of freebies like olio etc etc). She’ll sort her own fashions out too - there’s mountains of student deals and discounts and london has everything from charity shops and high street to indi boutiques.

Not sure if she’ll need a job - the uni itself often has good options (I did conference and events stewarding and working in the student bar)

Of course safety is important - but the same applies everywhere really. In london, particularly central london, I usually feel more safe as there’s people about / traffic / lights etc, so long as you’re alert and street smart.

I moved to london at (just) 18 and (still) love it.
in terms of trains check out superfares!

I've not read the full thread, only your posts and a handful of others, so apologies if I'm duplicating what others have said.

AGE: My husband was 17 when he started university (wasn't 18 until March) and he managed fine. He was at uni in England and it didn't occur to anyone else that he would be younger than them so he just fitted in.

BIG CITY VIBES: Having come from a small Scottish town, I was always terrified of the idea of London. I lived for a few years in another city and found it daunting and dreaded the thought of even visiting London. But I've now lived here for 25 years and love it. I think it is so big, that the size of it isn't visible in a way - it's a bit like hundreds (perhaps thousands) of wee villages all squashed in together. You get to know your chunk of London and can ignore a lot of the rest of it. The pace of life seems very fast to start with, but it is surprising how quickly you adjust. Plus if it ever feels claustrophobic, it is possible to escape from pretty easily - coach, train etc you can get out of London really quickly if you need to. Knowing that you can get out if you need to can help it not feel so claustrophobic.

SHOPPING FOR STUFF: However much you think she will need, she will probably need less of it. I went overboard when my son went to uni and got him far more than he actually needed. It was my way of trying to continue looking after him when he was no longer at home - understandable, but unnecessary. Big and heavy things you can buy when you get here. Getting plates etc from charity shops will make it more likely that her plates will not look the same as every one else's and be easier not to lose.

TRAVEL: Good idea to take the train. It's an overly long drive, esp if it's only one of you driving. Don't be tempted to say 'oh the coach is only slightly longer than the train and so much cheaper, let's do that'. It's a lot longer - and feels like a million years longer.

CLOTHES: People wear all sorts here - and universities are all a bit of a melting pot of lots of different styles and people expect everyone else to look different. She'll be safe in jeans and T shirt/sweatshirt. Aim off for it being a lot warmer here compared to where you are (I'm just back from a week at my dad's and notice the difference). Layers are good. Worth having a good waterproof jacket - since most people travel by public transport, there is often a lot of hanging around outdoors.

LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF: A lot of anxiety comes across in your posts, which is completely understandable. As well as the usual worry about a child flying the nest, you must also have additional layers of anxiety linked to having lost your daughter and this reminding you of that loss. It is incredibly hard to sit on your worry and grief and not let it spill across to worry your new student (I don't think I managed that very well myself). Be gentle with yourself and make sure you are taking time to process your own feelings as well as looking after your granddaugher. You sound to have done an excellent job of helping her grow. Look after yourself now.

Good luck.

I've stayed in UCL halls twice during the summer (they let rooms during the summer break) and the kitchens are pretty well equipped, so she doesn't need to buy anything for the kitchen immediately.

Do not worry too much about the stuff you read about crime in London. I lived there all my working life and I genuinely don't recognise the London you see described in on tabloid news sites. London is full of ordinary people who work very hard. it's a fab place to live when you're young because there's always something new to see.