Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

It's natural to be anxious, OP, but she will have a wonderful time. London gets talked about like it's Gotham City but the reality is that crime is lower than in many other UK cities. The great thing about London is the diversity - everything and everyone is represented here so she will meet fascinating people. There isn't one 'look' so you don't have to worry about the right clothes - she will develop her own style here and find her tribe. Central London is very easy to navigate and as she gets her confidence she can start exploring other parts too. She won't feel like an outsider because she is coming to a city of outsiders. Best of luck to her and to you.

You're not being unreasonable, but I'm with other posters on this. Travel as light as you can...IE if you're going to get new you might as well order it to be delivered there. She sounds intelligent and I'm assuming grounded so I'd assume she'll enjoy it.

If for any reason she doesn't halfway through year 1 (one of my sons didn't) you can often wangle a transfer.
Good luck 👍

My only comment is why London when she could get into a top Scottish Uni for free? Why put herself so far into debt for no reason? It doesn't make sense? I would also be uneasy. My daughter has just finished Uni and she was exploited by landlords left right and centre. We were 2 hours away so could sweep in to help but London is a long way away esp if you need public transport. The first year in particular is a big adjustment.

The only other issue I can foresee is she is a massive reader, has stacks and stacks of books in her room, hates kindle, so we will need to figure out a good solution for her being able to keep that up without her little room drowning in books!

public !ibrary. She'll be in the borough of Camden won't she? Google Camden Libraries and she'll see where the branches are and how to get a ticket. Libraries and borough websites are useful sources of information about the area too.

(There's also the massive Waterstones in Gower St and Foyle's in Charing Cross Road both in easy walking distance)

Student halls are safe and friendly. John Lewis has a whole set of student kitchen essentials, from plates and pans to cutlery. The smaller branch called Peter Jones is one minute's walk from Sloane Square tube station in Chelsea, a completely safe central London area.
My son grew up in London and went to Cornwall to study. I was terrified about the distance and he was all fine.
Re crime, I'm small, endlessly careless about my phone and my cards and I still feel safe. It's common sense not to wave an expensive phone about in public crowded areas but I'm sure she'll already understand that. You sound like a wonderful grandmother.

My daughter’s birthday was the end of January so she was the same, only 17 when she left. It’s nuts that she was moving out but I had to buy her cutlery 😂
Iy was good that she had a few months of getting used to the city she was in before she was old enough to drink. Then Covid hit so she only managed a couple of months of partying before she came home. I think it was 4th year before she finally was able to have a drink in freshers week 😂
Im sure your granddaughter will be fine, even though it’s very stressful for the family.

I haven’t read the whole thread but may I say that your love for her just shines out; what a wonderful support you must be for her!

The area she is moving to is safe and right near campus. There is so much going on at UCL she will find her tribe no doubt, especially a young woman who knows her own mind as it sounds like she does.

My DD will be seventeen in October and starts college in London tomorrow. I totally understand your worries. I live in Ireland and while I share your concerns I know that my DD is sensible, organised and really mature for her age. We have a house in London so she’ll be living there, and my DSis is a short bus ride from her but it’s a huge step. We’re so lucky we now have FaceTime and WhatsApp, life360 … I sound like a stalker DM 😂

Getting a place at UCL is no mean achievement - she will be in her element academically but it doesn’t mean she won’t miss her home. After a few weeks send her a ‘care package’ in the post. After the initial excitement there may be a bit of an emotional dip.
And of course don’t forget yourself - making the long train journey back to Scotland will be quite challenging - wishing you all the very best.

Look at whether she can get a Zip card till her 18th birthday for discounted travel and a 16-17 Railcard. Once she's 18 she would be eligible for a student Oyster card but I think they're only useful if you need a season ticket on them. This needs a bit of reading.

If she needs regular prescriptions she needs to look at a prepayment certificate once she's 18. Or even consider her remaining registered with her local Scottish GP where prescriptions are free. It's usual for students to register with a GP near their term time address but not compulsory. If she has less than £16k she can apply through the NHS low income scheme but sounds like she has more.

Be ready to help her with getting one of the PASS proof of age cards as she turns 18.

Does she have debit cards that are widely accepted? She must not try to open a PayPal account until she's 18.

What's her workaround for ordering from Amazon etc as a 17 year old.

London accommodation is likely to be small - there's definitely an argument for buying very little until she gets there and sees what space she's working with.

Do make sure she has some good kitchen knives / scissors as she can't buy them herself yet.

Trafalgar Square is a good place to go if it's nighttime and you're lost - lots of the night buses start/end there which means there will be people about. London feels safer in that sense - it never sleeps and there's a lot of lighting about (yes, light pollution / can't see the stars).

Spend some time looking up hotels either near to your granddaughter's accommodation or on a direct tube / train line. London hotels are expensive so you want to have done some research/ ideally booked in advance if you're planning to go and see her.

Joining the local public library is a good idea for free fiction separate to the course reading. Can remain a member of her home library too.

She has done amazing well and will be fine OP, but of course what you are feeling is natural.

At least now we have good tech to keep in touch, messaging etc.

She just needs to keep her wits about her, mobile phone snatching can be an issue - be careful with phone out on the street. Cross body bag for valuables.

Theft far more likely than encountering any violent crime, but as far as possible wouldn’t recommend being out and about at night by herself.

Probably easier to get most things when she gets to London (kitchenware, bath towels, bedding etc) rather than carry them on the train. If she’s central there is IKEA in Oxford st and all the dept stores.

I would say she probably needs some lighter clothes, a light jacket. London will be much warmer even in winter months most days she will swelter in a jumper and proper coat.

@Janeyta My dc was similar age when they went to uni (although a December birthday), the key issue was that entry to the students union and to almost every student-frequented bar was based on their uni matriculation ID.

They couldn't access the student union bars at all. That meant that joining clubs and societies was hard as they couldn't socialise with others after club events or attend places where ID was required. Unless of course they have fake ID.

There were a few students in the same age group (cruelly named by others 'the baby-face group'). dc hung out with them (not much choice) in the first term, and then worked really hard to integrate with other older 1st year students after they turned 18. I know that my dc would have taken a gap year if they'd realised how lonely and left out they felt during the first term.

Your dgd may be fine with it, but I suggest you talk about the possibility so they are prepared and have a strategy ready.

Congratulations to you and her - she has done fantastically and you should be proud of the role you’ve played too.
It’s an exciting and of course nerve racking time for you all. Just remember that she’ll be with lots of other young people who are in the same boat and all feeling nervous. She sounds socially able and confident so will quickly find others to spend time with and learn together how they are going to live their new lives. it’s your job now just to cheer her on and encourage her. The only practical advice I’d give about London is not to walk around with her phone in her hand - keep it secure. City mapper is a useful app to give you best advice on what tube and buses to use to get places. Has she been on the tube before? Maybe it would be good to practice ‘tube etiquette’ - stand on the right on escalators, let people off the train before you get on and how to work out which line and direction you want. She may find this easier than you though!
It’s hard, but try not to worry and congrats again!

Good luck to both of you @Janeyta

She'll be absolutely fine & it will be the making of her!

I went into a similar situation at 17 and still have the most amazing friends from that time. Communication now is so much different from what it was too.

Keep the love flowing but try not to cramp her style tooooo much in the first couple of weeks. I hope she spends sensibly, stays safe and has the most wonderful time 🥰

OP, you sound so kind and sensible. I'm sure your Granddaughter will have a great time, but I understand your concerns. We also have guardianship of a granddaughter, (for the same reason as you), and although mine is younger (14), she has already said that she wishes to go and is working towards uni. We are in our 70s and feel completely out of touch about young people and their preferences today. We have French pop music filtering down from her bedroom, and a bookcase full of Japanese fiction, and know little about either of these preferences! We too live quite rurally (in the Cotswolds) and with no nearby access to fashion stores, so that DGD has little interest in fashion (which I actually think is a bit of a blessing), but I know I will worry when she eventually leaves to go to a "big city"!! So I found your post, and many of the replies, very reassuring. It's good to know we are not the only "old people" facing this. I wish you and your DGD a very safe and happy (and successful) university experience.

Spend some time looking up hotels either near to your granddaughter's accommodation or on a direct tube / train line.

there's a Premier Inn on Euston Road, close to Euston Station and UC. Yes op probably could find something cheaper, but while she's not familiar with the area she might prefer the convenience.

has anyone mentioned that she will be very close to St Pancras and Eurostar, if she wants to explore further afield? Plus all the SE outside London. Though London has so much to see and do she might never get beyond it.

How wonderful for her! You sound lovely. Don’t panic she will be fine. Some great advice above. We have put four through uni far away from our tiny town and it’s been the making of them. Make sure she has a Phone charger battery thing, money for her to do a raid on Primark etc for bedding, kitchen kit and things to make her room comfy. A regular allowance and an open house at yours for all the friends she will make. You can visit and enjoy the city with her too. It’s amazing how fast they learn their way around like natives!

Haven’t RTFT but just want to say this is one of the sweetest posts I’ve seen on this site. Can’t ABU vote because there is no such thing as unreasonable in these circumstances. It is not unreasonable at all for you to worry about a precious loved one who has obviously experienced some early trauma in losing her mother but who is cherished by those she left behind. Your DGD is going to a very different place to the one she grew up in at a particularly young age. But she’s obviously a special person who has sought out and grabbed this amazing opportunity and you don’t want her to miss a thing and you want to give her everything you can to support her in making the most of it, without dwelling on how bereft it makes you with her gone. That’s love.

She’s going to be fine, and so will you. How exciting!!

Going to uni is like baby steps into the adult world when you are in your first year. You are very supported, you live in halls with others the same or similar age. I absolutely loved going to university. In my day there were no mobile phones etc so you just muddled along - it's so easy to stay in touch nowadays if you are feeling homesick. The uni will have loads of events in Freshers Week, there will be loads of clubs she can join etc etc.
It's lovely that you are concerned but she will have a ball. I still have lifelong friends I met at uni 32 years ago 💗

Aww..I am so excited for your granddaughter. Hope she has a fab time! You sound lovely and I can imagine how much you will miss her. Hopefully the pride will make up for it.
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There are bound to be some shops nearby where you can pick up stuff like saucepans but you can do some research before you go. I also had to transport kids to uni by train and we managed, you will be fine.

I read all this and can see how worried and excited you are for your granddaughter. Obviously with her mums absence you feel more protection towards her and she probably knows this too. She is excited but will also be little anxious so try not to let her see your worries but kiss her good luck and wish her well. I sense she will flourish and do you and your daughter proud.

It's natural to be frightened,but her being a few months younger than other students isn't really a big deal.Living away from home for the first time is a big change,but I'm sure she will take it in her stride .Arrange to chat by email maybe even every day to start with then taper it off as you both relax a little.Make a full list of things she will need,and tick them off as you collect them Maybe look into her living in halls rather than in shared house to start with,it is so much less to arrange

The faculty should have an understanding 18s coordinator or other person who is DBS checked and approved to deal with the u18s in the department.
They will give them a little additional pastoral support

Courier companies are used to moving student stuff. Contact one of them.