Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

She sounds absolutely brilliant. How proud you must be! I’d be scared to, but she sounds like she has got this 100%!

She already did, along with subject of study, age and much, much more personal info.

Easy for me to say not to worry, but sounds as though you have raised an amazing, talented, strong and independent young woman and she is very lucky to have such an amazing Nan!
Your grandaughter will have an amazing time and you will soon adapt and your fears will subside.

I am from India. Students from India and China mostly stick together at least initially until they get comfortable with their new surroundings. Food is important part of the culture, so grocery shopping, cooking and sharing home cooked food brings them closer at least in the beginning. Some Indian students are very street smart coming from rich families, from bigger city experience and many of them already travelled abroad ( it’s not a criticism, nor a compliment). I am not sure if there are similarities within Scottish student demographics.

My advice to OP’s daughter is to be take part in group activities (university or social )to make friends, acquaintances quickly. As crime is increasing in London, be a bit street smart. Be aware of the surroundings. Don’t be too trusting about random strangers in the night. My friend’s kids were mugged by friendly looking young kids. But that’s the case with any major city in the world. I have also experienced kindness from random people so it’s not as bad as they like to portray in media. London is still a great city and a very exiting place, so she will have a great time.

Edited to say this was in response to a poster telling op students from India and China cope well as students.

There are also actual Robert Dyas stores in London still (often competitive for household stuff), Argos and all the usual places for click & collect as well as delivery @Janeyta

Oh dear. I didn’t see all that. I noticed one thing that would have been enough (iam not going to repeat it) but what you point out is worse. The post should be taken down. A 17 year old is vulnerable.

There’s a Dyas shop in Brunswick Square and a Lidl opposite Goodge Street tube station on Tottenham Court Road.

My son and his partner went to ucl and had a great time . We are from a very rural area too but the thrived there and spent a number of years down there after their degrees . She sounds a very clever sensible 17 year old and yes it’s normal to be scared when they move away to a big city . Happy are great and she will meet lots of people and become part of friendship groups . This does help with safety . I used to send supermarket food deliveries to all of mine full of their favorite bits . Also don’t physically take everything with you get it all delivered . Finally maybe fine a hotel nearby for her first night so you are close by if she has a wobble x

Plus if it ever feels claustrophobic, it is possible to escape from pretty easily

And there are all the parks and open spaces. has anyone mentioned the museums? She will be very handy for the British Museum and the British Library. A lot of students seem to use the BL as a place to hangout.

a lot of London crime statistics relate to things like pickpocketing in Oxford St and other busy tourist areas. As long as she keeps her bag zipped and on her at all times she should be fine.

Is Jeremy Bentham still there?

I’ve just got to comment to say how wonderful you sound and the love just radiates from your posts. Even with losing her mum you’ve created such a strong and secure base for her, she’s ready to spread her wings and go and see a bit of the world. What an amazing gift you’ve given her! There will be bumps along the road I’m sure but she sounds like she’ll feel safe enough to be straight on the phone to you to ask for help if she needs it.

London is not as scary as everyone makes it out to be. I have lived and worked here my whole life. I’ve never seen Anyone stabbed. Generally that is among gangs and localised.
We are actually mainly nice people who live in London. It’s a great place to study. Fashion wise literally anything goes,you will see people in everything from cultural dress, to punk to goth. People don’t even bat an eyelid. My daughter is alternative, gets stared at in our suburb of London, in central London gets stopped by people telling her they love her look!
She will have an absolute ball there’s so much to see and do. I’m incredibly sorry for the loss of your daughter, you sound like you’ve done a stellar job in her absence well done to you ♥️

My son decided to get a iPad and pen, over a new laptop. He’s about to start his second year in Games Development, so will ask him again! Will probably buy him a gaming laptop though, as a bit more powerful than a standard one. IMO anyway!.We’re West of Scotland too, but he wanted to stay home, so goes to GCU.

She sounds like she’ll be absolutely fine. My dc are in an industry where they and their friends almost all move away from home at 16, often to London or internationally, and the vast majority thrive. The parents however always feel like you for the first few months! Most things can be ordered online for next day delivery so don’t worry too much about that. Mine have uber accounts linked to mine so that they don’t have to worry about paying for it in an emergency, and the only other thing they have is my phone number (and passport number) actually written down somewhere on a piece of paper, not in their phone, in case they lose or break their phone as happened once!!

She sounds like she’s going to have an amazing time.

I know you are worried, and that’s totally understandable, but she is going to have a great time down there. She will meet all sorts of interesting people and it will really make her as a person. Nothing will stop you worrying but I’m sure she is going to love it.

This.

I did the same. Central London excellent because she can buy an A to Z and walk everywhere which will save her tons as well as building up her knowledge of the area. She'll soon find the parks and commons and pretty little back lanes that make London so interesting.
Knife crime is really just a kids gangs thing, she's not going to be a target.
if she wants to work get her to sign up with a catering agency, she'll find plenty of part time jobs.

There is an under 18’s form that I presume you have signed and she won’t be able to join in certain activities, most of which I’m sure you’ll be pleased about, freshers activities is definitely mostly only for over 18’s though less young adults drink these days my dd tells me

Oh UCL is a fab area . Really easy for everywhere including the train home!
Crime is not a big thing, there's prostitutes and drug dealers in those areas near Kings Cross but they don't go around bothering young girls.
Only thing is if she's in halls try and keep everything in room as it will get stolen. Including her food supplies.

My only concern would be what job she is hoping to get with those degrees?

My child moved to London at 18 for Uni and we're only 1.5hrs away but she wanted to experience the whole independent thing so off she went. She's born i June so quite young as well.
We did drive her to the accomodation with most of the things she needed and did a big food shop for her from a nearby supermarket to have her settled. Then every week or so she would send me a list of food items and I would order it for her online to be delivered to her campus until she got herself a job. She's now in second year, moved out of campus accomodation, doing really well and loving it. She made friends fast and i stopped worrying so much about her. Remember that most of the kids are the same age with a few months difference. Your granddaughter will make friends so quick.

How rude!
there are plenty of careers you can go into with language degrees. Not just teaching, my cohort went into computer programming, accountancy, management consultancy, marketing, international sales and the diplomatic corps. Not all required languages specifically, but they did turn out useful in a world where many blue chip companies have senior teams and Boards comprised of different nationalities. English may be used but it is always appreciated when you can chat in their language.

Languages also teach you lateral thinking, which is very useful for advancing in your career.

i did 2 languages plus a humanity at university, moved abroad and am very senior in a multinational company, where I use 3 of my 4 languages almost daily, at all levels. I don’t need to many times, but it does help foster good relationships.

Of course you’re going to be worried it’s perfectly natural but she’ll be fine xx

for books, I did find an amazing second hand bookshop and would almost use it as a library - buying books and trading back others once I'd read them - it kept on top of my natural tendency to hoard books :)

I’ve lived in London for 30 years, studied here 15 years ago, my young teens independently travel with friends to the shops in the west end. Phone out of sight and let housemates know where she is, and she can share her location with you at all times via ‘Find my iPhone’, just promise not to stalk her. Otherwise, she can just be herself. One of the many great things about living somewhere like London is that there are so many different types of people there is no pressure to fit in.

In terms of taking stuff, she can definitely buy when she gets here. Close to her halls (assuming around Gower Street) there’s an Ikea, Argos and Muji for cheap homewares, plus everything else you might need. I bought a hospital bag of stuff round there when my waters broke unexpectedly/early then had time to kill between procedures at UCLH. I heard recently that students are best taking one or two of kitchen items they will definitely use, and ideally for them to be distinctive eg 2 dinner plates, two forks etc.

Couple of thoughts from me:
1 Finding out cheap/free places she can go in her every day and with her student status would be worth spending time on, as London can be v expensive, especially in the tourist heavy part she will be in. There’s the university union nearby but there will be discounts for the cinema, theatre etc.
2 Look for a cheap place for you to stay in when you visit, some chain hotels might have special offers or try air bnb.

edited to say:
If you’ve got the resources to, when you visit treat her to meals and outings out (that you’d like too), my friends’ parents used to do this and I least wished my parents had. She might like use of your hotel bathroom too as student halls (in my day) were a bit rough and ready 🤣

Apologies if anyone has mentioned this already but it might be useful. My DS is going to university several hundred miles away and we’ve invested in a package from unikitout.com — everything he needs will be delivered to his halls in a box. Then he will have the basics to get him through his first few days and he can add to it after that.
good luck to your DGD - she’s going to have a ball!