Terrified about granddaughter moving to uni at 17

[Janeyta]

Afternoon all, my lovely granddaughter is 17, her birthday is right at the end of February and as we are in Scotland this made her the youngest in her year. Since my daughter and her mother passed away 7 years ago she has lived with us most of the time and occasionally her dad. She is such a bright girl, straight As in Nat 5s, Highers and Advanced Highers, one of the sports captains at her school etc.

She has decided to go to London for university and will be studying French and German. No one in our family has gone to university before, all my family still live within a 20 minutes drive of our little village, so this is massive for us.

All of a sudden I’m absolutely terrified about her moving all that way at just 17, with quite a few months until she actually turns 18. No one else from her year is even going to England let alone London.

She’s a bright, sociable, very confident girl, so I have no doubt she will make friends and she is already talking about joining the tennis club etc. Still though I am terrified.

We don’t drive and her dad has said he can’t get the time off work to take her down so we will be going by train.

Now I’m sitting here thinking, what does she need to take with her? I’ve recently bought her a new coat, new trainers, new jeans etc. Obviously she will need bedding and all that sort of thing bur I’m terrified she will be left without everything she needs!!

She has inheritance from her mum so we can afford to splash out a little and get her nice things for going, plus she has been working all summer, 5 days a week in a local cafe and they have promised she will be able to pick up shifts when she is back from uni for holidays.

Am I being unreasonable to be so terrified? I keep having this fear that something awful will happen to her, especially as she is still so young!!
Can anyone offer some advice on what we need to get and how I can feel more settled!

Thank you all!

I'm sure she will have a great time. Of course it's normal to be a bit worried. There's plenty of 18-19 year olds with the maturity of a 16 yo, while others might be old beyond their years.

But everyone is in the same boat.
Leaving home for the first time and meeting all new people. Living in a new place, learning new skills.

She's very lucky to have you but please try and see it as a positive thing. She'll learn so much about life, not just educationally.

If the worst happens she can always come home and you'll always be there for her. Whether she decides to live somewhere else after uni or stay close to you.

My son found one of the most useful things he had when in halls was a collapsible clothes dryer, one of those you pull upwards. Don’t take up much floor space, good for drying your bath towel on, too.

I hope she has a wonderful time in London!

I think she should wait a year, being 17 she won't be able to get full membership of the SU.

Daunt Books is brilliant and she'll be walking distance from the London Review Bookshop on Bury Street. Annoyingly, its brilliant cafe has closed but it's still very nice to browse... Feel free to DM me if you'd like a nice place to go out for a meal...

Way back in 1989 I arrived in London for uni. I had no one within 300 miles that I knew and I was more than fine.

Within an hour of being in halls I'd met people who are still my friends now.

Also if she's doing languages she may well mix with other University of London colleges. I did and spent my year abroad with some of them.

London is a great city and I'm sure she'll flourish there.

OP i live in London and its an amazing city and so diverse. Your DGD will find her people. Everyone has a place here.

The knife crime stories are scary but context is everything. A lot of knife crime is gang related and centered in certain areas. Not to minimise it, but it is less likely than you think to impact her. Her uni will provide info sessions on safety so encourage her to attend those. Commin sense and self defence education is what she needs and that goes for Glasgow or Edinburgh or any other uni city too.

My DS is 13 and navigates London and tubes and trains solo for school.

You are both doing her mum proud. Replace the anxiety with exciting plans to come visit and do shows and galleries!

I probably will get flamed for this.

I would get her some fake ID.

She doesn't have to drink, but lots of places won't allow U18s in- my nephew doesn't drink but they live in wetherspoons in the evenings as open until 2pm and don't worry about what people are spending (he drinks the free refill coffee)
Very few students will be 17 in London.

That's really interesting because in Scotland starting university at 17 is very common. At the end of high schools kids tend to range in age from 17.5 to 18.5 years old, so about half the year group leaving school is under 18 when university starts. And it takes one year rather than two to study for a Highers which are the exams universities use for entrance conditions it is technically possible for a kid to get into university at 16. Normally kids study for Highers during their 5th and 6th years of secondary school, but some bright kids manage to gather enough in their 5th year to gain entrance to university so it's not unheard of for a 16 year old to start university. I don't know if it is as common now, but when I started university in the late 1990s there was at least one 16 year old living in the same university accommodation as me and my in-laws both moved from the Highlands to study at Glasgow University at 16 in the 1960s.

DS is at UCL (about to go into his third year) and was also in halls very near - well basically underneath! - BT Tower so I think I know where she’ll be and it’s fine. Apparently they are very sociable halls so she’ll get to know loads of people. Lots of great advice here already, I’ll also echo the advice about phones. Lots of people like to make out London is a massive den of crime and iniquity but mostly it’s ordinary people just getting on with their lives.

This year DS is helping out at the student union for freshers week so there will be lots of helpers around looking out for the new students.

For clothes, judging by DS’s girlfriend and our DD (we also live in London), it’s all baggy jeans, either very tight or massively oversized tops and trainers/Vans/Adidas gazelles. And black puffy jackets once it gets cold. But as others have said, one of the joys of London is you can get away with anything. And there are lots of shops obviously to get new things.

It’s only natural to be worried - I was and DS was only moving to somewhere in the same city and to an area I know well, used to go out lots in when I was younger and have studied around there (evening studies at Birkbeck)! - but I’m sure she will be fine. You deserve lots of credit for raising a confident young woman ready to move out into the world.

It's London. Everything goes.

My son isn't near uni age so I can't offer any advice.
I just wanted to say bless you,give you a virtual hug.
She will have an absolute blast.
You however when she is gone don't be afraid to have a big blubber and take care of yourself

Congratulations to your Granddaughter OP! She will be absolutely fine, I’m jealous for her. I came to London for uni at 18 as did my DH (we met there). Whilst I had been lots of before (and grew up in a relatively busy city up north) my DH was from middle-of-nowhere Cumbria and had been to London only once before on a school trip. He said the best thing he did in the first month was avoid the tube and walk or bus everywhere until he got his bearings and worked out how areas fitted together.

Please don’t worry about crime. I’ve only had two incidents in the 18 years I’ve been here and both times it was just a phone/ purse being taken, no actual violence. Just advise her to keep a little bit of money and a debit card separate from her phone/ bag so if she is pickpocketed or mugged (unlikely but occasionally happens) then she can still safely get home. I had a young au pair recently who came from a tiny town in Australia and like a lot of people in their early 20s, only uses ApplePay. I had to advise her that if her phone was lost or taken she would have nothing at all to help her get home!

She should join some clubs and societies at uni and will have a ball! UCL is great.

OP, you sound absolutely lovely. That's all I wanted to say really.

Well done to your fabulous granddaughter, she has done very well indeed!

Will you be booking a Travelodge or Premier Inn for a day or two?

There is an IKEA at Oxford Circus so the two of you could go there and get all her kitchen and practical needs.

She needs to apply for a Zip Card for cheap tube fares and free bus travel https://tfl.gov.uk/fares/free-and-discounted-travel/16-plus-zip-oyster-photocard#on-this-page-0

And when she turns 18:

https://tfl.gov.uk/fares/free-and-discounted-travel/18-plus-student-oyster-photocard

Not sure how it works for you to apply for her U18 card but hopefully the application process makes it clear.

She will have a wonderful time. London is a fantastic place for young people. The accommodation is expensive but there is so much to do that is free, and so many things that are heavily discounted for students.

It is also safe. There are so many people out and about at night, night buses run, it’s busy.

It will be a big culture change but she’ll get the hang of it very quickly.

Just want to say you sound absolutely fantastic and I'm sure your granddaughter will have a fantastic time.
My youngest just graduated (not from London) and I thought all her clothes were quite scruffy - baggy trackies and trainers seem to be the way to go!

London is amazing and UCL is in a great position. Phone theft is a problem as others have said - make sure her phone is insured, hard to break into and photos that mean a lot are backed up. DDs 1 and 2 both had phones taken as students but that's not just London.

Vinted is very popular amongst dd3 and her friends. As people have said, no-one needs 9 pans in a flat and Amazon is quick.

I was a student in London from 1982-1985 so am ancient but am still in touch with many many people from those years. Wishing her lots and lots of luck!

Also please don’t worry about her getting the clothes wrong! London is a mixed bag and she’ll find her own style here. I remember being (gently!) laughed at by Londoner flatmates on my second night here because I had dressed in my Northern-city ‘going out’ uniform of a tiny dress, 6 inch heels, full makeup and big hair. They were all in jeans!

P.S, I would be careful about buying electrical cooking stuff for her room - lots of halls don’t allow it. Even kettles. (Fire / condensation / PAT testing reasons)

Don’t buy nice things for the kitchen - everything gets used by everyone and lost or ruined! It’s all part of the university experience…

Bless you, OP, of course you’re frightened. Your daughter died and now your granddaughter, who you’ve raised as your own, is off on a big adventure. Let her go with the reassurance that she is capable and going to have a wonderful time, yet you will remain her safety net.

It’s an important phase of life for these young people to gain experience and confidence and continue testing boundaries to find their feet. Be her biggest cheerleader. She will have a great time!

My niece is going to university in London. My sister is going down with her on the train and they are taking two suitcases then buying everything else when they are there.

Something useful we have found out is that if she joins ikea family card, she can get Ikea deliveries under 15kg to a shop on her doorstep for £2. Everything on the Ikea website tells you how much it weighs.

So, before she goes next weekend she’s going to order some essentials to the shop and collect it the day she arrives.

If she wants a job, while she’s there there’s good money in tutoring. Could probably charge £75-£80 per hour. Equally she could do a bit of babysitting via the bubble app. Life in London isn’t cheap.

Good luck to your niece, she sounds like a great kid. My niece is at UCL and is having a ball.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. Your grand daughter sounds amazing. It will be a hard adjustment but it’s so great she’s so confident to go and put herself out of her comfort zone xx

Of course you are worried, especially when she is so young. She does however sound mature.

I have had my two girls at uni in England, one did her bar year in London. Mine have to fly to UK - that means that they have to buy when they arrive. One of the points that students always make is not to spend a lot of money on kitchenware - pans get borrowed and burnt, mugs get chipped. So don’t invest too much in nice stuff. The other thing is that she will have to work out where to store stuff between academic years. My girls were lucky that their aunt lives in England and picked them up at the end of term. Your daughter may well make a friend who will save a box for her. (I’m thinking ahead but it is something you have to think about).

She has done brilliantly to get a place at UCL. The university want their students to succeed so they have pastoral staff to help them settle in. They will direct her to which shops to go to. She will find her tribe and her style. Social events are arranged through the uni. There are a wide range of students and lots of events don’t involve alcohol. When I was studying at Sheffield just a few years ago I noticed that the uni had special night/safety buses to get students too and from halls safely.

She might appreciate a flight home at reading week - or dad might be able to plan something. Flights are not so expensive if you book ahead.

Good luck to her. Keep smiling and keep up the calls and messages to her. She will be back for the holidays before you know it.

I think when she gets there and potentially settles well and enjoys her new surroundings, these apprehensions and feelings will quickly dissipate. Although London can be dangerous, every city is the same really. Just try and relax and see it as positive strides forward for her. My son starts at uni next week - they have Amazon lockers to receive deliveries, so maybe your granddaughter’s uni has the same and she can get the bulk of her stuff sorted from Amazon. Best of luck.

Check this out OP for ideas - https://www.unikitout.com/ then order from Argos or Amazon if you want cheaper!

clothes wise, I wouldn’t buy too much and give her money to go shopping. She might want to see what the style is down here :)

And don’t worry!

I'm sure your gd will be absolutely fin but your post is incredibly outing.

I'd ask for it to be removed once you have the answers you are looking for. There aren't going to be many Scottish girls studying French and German at UCL.