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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

441 replies

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

OP posts:
Waterweight · 07/09/2025 08:29

Call the police a vulnerable person is at the property

DogsandFlowers · 07/09/2025 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

sesquipedalian · 07/09/2025 08:45

I keep hoping the OP will update this thread to let us know what happened, but nothing since Sept 3rd.

Em1972 · 07/09/2025 09:53

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

Completely agree with this. Sounds like the Son wants power of attorney. You must report this to the authorities so at least there is something on record.

Is the other son approachable?

poetryandwine · 07/09/2025 10:14

sesquipedalian · 07/09/2025 08:45

I keep hoping the OP will update this thread to let us know what happened, but nothing since Sept 3rd.

Me, too.

PrincessPancakes · 07/09/2025 12:02

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

Absolutely correct. It will be the son that is no doubt, financially, emotionally abusing his mother. Start a safeguarding referral immediately.

HardyCrow · 07/09/2025 12:22

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

Agree re reporting it. It sound like the son is abusive and is quite likely to be doing what he accused you of - ie exploiting his mother.

HardyCrow · 07/09/2025 12:34

Janeeyrre · 03/09/2025 11:20

He sounds very unpleasant and is using the spoon as an excuse to get rid of you as he has his eye on is mother's money, he thinks your wages should be sitting in his mother's account building interest for him.

I would report to adult social services, are there any other siblings that you can trust?

This.

Bathingforest · 07/09/2025 13:08

It's not a situation where things will be easy or straight forward, and I doubt the op will have energy or legal right to do anything more than alerting ss which she did, and n2, just finalising her last salary and leave poor Eileen to her miserable destiny

ThisAmberBee · 07/09/2025 14:01

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Don't be ridiculous! Have YOU ever been accused of theft?
If not, have you ever taken anything?

ThisAmberBee · 07/09/2025 14:18

I worked as a nurse on the community. We had many, many old people incapable of caring for themselves but their families refused to organise care because they didn't want them taking to a home and their inheritance sold to pay for it!
One old lady spent all day strapped into a chair after carers got her out of bed.Then they'd come back at night to feed her and put her back to bed at 6-7 pm with a nappy on.
Her son was the most arrogant bastard and open about his reasons for keeping her like that - as far as he was concerned the arrangements were fine.
Heart breaking

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 07/09/2025 14:30

Rosscameasdoody · 06/09/2025 21:14

OP doesn’t need to do any of this. The son is not her employer, Eileen is. All OP needs to do is verify that Eileen agrees with her son and if she does, then OP should contact ACAS for advice as to how she proceeds to tribunal for constructive dismissal. If not, then OP should insist that the son is not present whenever she works.

I believe she does.... To put a line in sand denying the theft allegation.

I've know folk who've gone legal, even though they're clearly abusing their position.

Whether she wants to continue the employ... Of course she needs separate legal advice.

mrX2 · 07/09/2025 15:03

I have not seen it mentioned yet.

But it may be that the son intends to get power of attorney and then do nothing to address the mothers care needs in order to save his inheritance.

By reporting as much information as you can to social services and possibly the police you make them aware of the situation so that he is less likely to be able to simply do nothing when her care needs are at the point of being a nessesety.

If he tried to play that game the court of protection will become involved to both force his hand and cost a load more money in court proceedings and legal fees at the same time.

Satisfying.

PearlOP · 08/09/2025 10:18

Problem with reporting to Social Services is that it could backfire on you.

Daygloboo · 08/09/2025 10:56

Blablibladirladada · 05/09/2025 17:52

Second that. Report. If he is like that in front of her…can’t imagine how he is when no one is there…

Quite.

Daygloboo · 08/09/2025 10:58

mrX2 · 07/09/2025 15:03

I have not seen it mentioned yet.

But it may be that the son intends to get power of attorney and then do nothing to address the mothers care needs in order to save his inheritance.

By reporting as much information as you can to social services and possibly the police you make them aware of the situation so that he is less likely to be able to simply do nothing when her care needs are at the point of being a nessesety.

If he tried to play that game the court of protection will become involved to both force his hand and cost a load more money in court proceedings and legal fees at the same time.

Satisfying.

Very good advice. You must do something OP ...to protect Eileen as well as get a good outcome for you.

LeggusMiracticus · 08/09/2025 15:58

I'm 5 days behind here, and hopefully you have it all resolved, but if you haven't managed to get any help from ACAS, then your local citizen's advice should be able to help - there's also a Citizens Advice website with a ot of good information to point you in the right direction. Hope you're OK x

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/09/2025 20:13

Did you speak to Aileen or hear back from Acas @SackedByaSpoon

did you go back to the house

hope you are ok

SackedByaSpoon · 09/09/2025 21:19

Sorry for not updating before now. I've been absolutely flattered by a flu bug or something.

I'm not returning to the house in the long term. Eileen's oldest son and her have decided that it's best for her to live closer to him and cut off all contact between her and the younger son. He's been told to keep away in no uncertain terms by the oldest, and I'll be going in to help pack the house for the move and to deal with the estate agent for pics and such.

Apparently it's not the first time he's been a total dick over money and though I can't say for sure, I think he might have been skimming money from her for a while.

Adult social services are aware and have been on touch with her, though again I'm not sure on what exactly was said.

OP posts:
londongirl12 · 09/09/2025 21:26

That sounds like a positive thing for her then. And you’re a good person in helping them still after how you were treated.

Mustbethat · 09/09/2025 21:27

SackedByaSpoon · 09/09/2025 21:19

Sorry for not updating before now. I've been absolutely flattered by a flu bug or something.

I'm not returning to the house in the long term. Eileen's oldest son and her have decided that it's best for her to live closer to him and cut off all contact between her and the younger son. He's been told to keep away in no uncertain terms by the oldest, and I'll be going in to help pack the house for the move and to deal with the estate agent for pics and such.

Apparently it's not the first time he's been a total dick over money and though I can't say for sure, I think he might have been skimming money from her for a while.

Adult social services are aware and have been on touch with her, though again I'm not sure on what exactly was said.

Oh wow.

we went through similar, cleaner sacked, one child decided unilaterally that the parent was going to move in with them.

we found out later that they’d been financially abusing them for ages, had taken hundreds of thousands and planned to sell the house and keep the proceeds. They didn’t completely cut off the other sibling, so they were able to intervene during a visit. It was like planning a bloody hostage extrication!

i know you don’t have to get any further involved, but if you know who they bank with it may be worth reporting it to them. I’d also message the other son with your suspicions, it was someone doing that for us that meant we could get them removed from the situation.

eta sorry got the sons mixed up! Does sound like a positive thing for her!

ParmaVioletTea · 09/09/2025 21:33

You sound so honest and kind @SackedByaSpoon . I’m glad that the elder son is looking out for his mother and that adult social services are aware.

I hope that they’ll give you a glowing reference. You sound like an asset to any household (hmmmm could you come and sort my life out please?). Another family will be lucky to have you working with them.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 09/09/2025 21:58

I'm glad you've updated. Sorry to hear you've been ill with the flu.

I'm glad Eileen and her eldest son are getting her away from the angry greedy son. Although it's such a shame Eileen will have to move because of him and you'll lose your job.

Hopefully you'll find another home to work in once she's moved. You are a woman of integrity and you should be very proud of that.

justasking111 · 09/09/2025 22:00

Friend has a similar problem with a family member whose son according to the accountants has skimmed off a healthy seven figure sum. He doesn't know about the investigation yet but it's looking very serious.

Why do families do this to their parents 😞

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/09/2025 22:28

Sorry you have been ill

lovely older son will be looking after his mum

hope you get a nice ref and redundancy