Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

[SackedByaSpoon]

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

If your contract is with Eileen then I would be writing to Eileen about your concerns for your safety.

What exactly were you have supposed to have stolen if he saw you putting something back?

He sounds like the one with dementia. Completely unhinged. Is he going to give up his job to do your job it’s his mother?
I doubt it and the next person that comes in could be a real thief who charms him and robs his mother

He has had it in his mind all along that you or anyone who had come in to help his mother was a thief.

The fact that he jumped to that conclusion immediately when he saw you RETURNING a spoon suggests that Eileen needs to look at her finances and investments and locate all her valuables because I would assume that the insistence that you are thieving is akin to a cheater in a marriage assuming that their faithful partner is also doing what they are doing

I would be telling the other DS this as well. When the first thought is that an item has been stolen instead of misplaced or not immediately in their sight line suggests that this person is the one doing the stealing.

This is exactly what I would do - this lady is at potential risk …

The donor has to give express permission each time the financial LPA is used if it is registered for use before loss of capacity. The bank would likely be at fault in your relative’s case for not carrying out due diligence. And the attorneys are supposed to note the permission and keep records of money spent. The whole system is really open to abuse and should be overhauled.

No love lost, take them to court for unfair dismissal - document everything you possibly can.

Second that. Report. If he is like that in front of her…can’t imagine how he is when no one is there…

The son is not OP’s employer - she has a contract and it’s with Eileen. ACAS need to advise on this because the son has acted illegally and his behaviour, and even just his presence when OP is present and doing her job, could be grounds for constructive dismissal because he has created a toxic working environment. If OP chose to leave, these would be the grounds she would sue on.

Can mumsnet have an update to see what the outcome is please.

This will be a complicated update if any. Too much grey teritory and sadly the OP is not one of the kisd of Eileen. Now, that would make it a great thread. Poor Eileen....who knows what will happen to her

So sad.

Any update OP?

He's the one that's stealing, he wants you out of the house because you're the honest person that would notice it.

I would write a letter to her telling her (as long as son does not intercept it) explaining what exactly happened and how you were concerned about the sons behaviour. If you don't hear back, no worries as I can't see how you can work there. Perhaps she is being bullied or abused by the son.

I was caring for my mum as she broke her hip we had carers for 6 weeks then I fired them I wanted to do the care as my mother wanted fresh food and needed help 24 hours the council had the cheek to threaten to take me to court as long as the son can do the care for his mum then that is fine when he tries to do the care and can not handle the responsibility he will be begging for you to come back and apologise

Nah - I would have made a big ‘scandal’ in your place. He is clearly after the inheritance and such a peasant. I would leav and report him too.

Can’t you ring Eileen if she’s got all her faculties, and talk it through?

Put a report to social services as elderly abuse is huge. I know of one of my patients who loved to go out for a coffee and cake at the garden center with her long term carer...the family said it cost too much so forbid her from going out ..

Any updates?

Yes, or...horror of horrors....he actually has to care for his own mother. He'll have to choose then, between keeping his precious inheritance or paying for care!

YANBU. He sounds like he was looking for any excuse to get rid of you because paying your wage really was eating into his inheritance (which wasn't a joke, he just wanted make that point but disguise it as a joke). I wouldn't go back if he's always going to be breathing down your neck, accusing you of things you haven't done and you don't deserve to be spoken to like that. Seek the appropriate advice and if you're owed money, pursue that, but then cut your losses and find another job.

Did you really need to quote the whole post in your response? We all read it.

Horrid horrid horrid for you

And yes, please do put her on the "Register of Elders at risk of abuse" with social services - ring them up and you fill in the form. Basically with what you've said above concerning worries about son, and your losing your job on a pretext.

I was advised by hospital matron to do this for my Dad, given he was in an abusive relationship, and I am very glad I did

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. I would speak with her other son, as it appears his brother is not acting in husband mother's best interests. Who would steal a stainless steel spoon? Seriously. I would also report this to social services, in case he does and ensure your statement is on the record. You do deserve payment in leiu of notice.

It’s fine to quote the OP, MN have contracted it so that only the first sentence appears.

I don't find that strange wording...?

Um… congrats in learning to read. Get over yourself