Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

[SackedByaSpoon]

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

Adult social services aren’t very good sadly.
mid report his intimidation if you to the police.
id call Eileen and ask if she wants you to
return, She’s your employer not this dick head bully

Get a grip.

I still can’t get past the part where you had to ask to borrow a spoon. I would not go back and report a safeguarding concern regarding the lady. Make sure you are given what you are owed or contact ACAS for help.

You should talk to the police. The son may now be worried about his loss of temper and how he frightened you. He will assume you'll talk to someone, and he won't be thinking MN. To cover his own back he may falsely accuse you of taking things. I do feel sorry for you. If it happened to me I would feel very worried. You have been accused of theft and you need to protect your reputation. Good luck.

I fear he is looking for an excuse as he can see his inheritance slipping away. Horrible man. Poor woman.

Go to the police and make a report, to cover yourself. Sounds like he's probably a p*ss useless horrible son and afraid that he'll lose his inheritance to you. I'm not saying that's what ur trying to do you. Sounds like ur just doing ur jobbut prob cos he Sounds like a A hole he's getting worried

for the record power of attorney does not come into play if the person it is for has capacity to make decisions for themselves - it’s really clear that she is perfectly fine and not senile or suffering from dementia - I think you should speak to her as your contract is with her but inform her other son for your own safety -if you care about her then don’t make it so easy for her other son to push you out - not going back may make it easier for him to say you were a thief … I’d put what happened in writing so you can say your version of events and express how he made you and her feel … good luck

Absolutely this. Please report the sons behaviour whatever happens because he is abusive and unpredictable and she is so vulnerable.

If it’s a LPA it can be utilised while the donor is still competent. They don’t have to have lost capacity.

LPA’s can be invoked if the donor needs help with everyday tasks such as banking or medical issues.

so it can come into play. The abuser in my family got their relative to sign the LPA and immediately used it to access their bank accounts without their knowledge.

it’s EPA’s that can’t be used unless the donor loses capacity.

All ok with you OP. Found myself worried about you today. The unfairness of it all. The son you met sounded unhinged.

How able, or unable/dependent on others (or carers) is Eileen?

Given you were both frightened and scared, to the point of Eileen crying, I'd be concerned for her safety if he's going to be someone responsible for her care. If he was able to manage all of Eileen's care needs, I imagine he would do so if he's so bothered about his inheritance.

The fact that he has scared you both, and has mentioned the finances, and she could be relying on him either to sort a new carer, or care for her him self, I'd be considering reporting this as a safeguarding concern to the local council's safeguarding adults board/department.

Obviously I dont have all the information but this could come under neglect, if her needs aren't met, or abuse if he is abusive, and if she is reliant on others, I'd say her needs make her vulnerable.

Are you able to telephone Eileen and ask what she wants? Does she want you to go back tomorrow? If so, would you feel able to?

Sorry, double posted.

Are you employed directly by Eileen or by an agency?

How did it go @SackedByaSpoon ? Did the elder son sort things out?

are there updates? Such a strange and sad story... poor old lady, with all that money but this man openly shouting at all of you about inheritance

Im so sorry this has happened to you.
The son sounds absolutely unhinged and I don’t blame you for being scared.
It sounds like he’s jealous about the relationship you’ve built with his mum and that he may be left out of the will.
You've done the right thing reporting him and it’s likely the lady herself might be scared of him.
She may pacify him for an easy life.

I worked for years in both Home Care and housekeeping and I like you always made a note of things I’d found, left notes, let my company know.

Your vulnerable being in somebody else’s house and anything that could go wrong could easily be pinned on you.
It must be harder for you too as I’m guessing you work for yourself?

I once had a lady with dementia accuse me of stealing her address book, luckily i found it but that fear I felt of being accused of something I know I’d not done was awful.

My heart goes out to you & I'm so sorry you're going through this horribly upsetting experience
The lady is your employer & her son isn't the one whom employs you, yes? In my humblest opinion, especially considering the lady you work for, was also immensely upset, so much so she was in tears :-
I would like to say, you should be able to hold onto your job & she would be more upset if you didn't return
The fact she always gives you presents, shows how much she thinks of, & values you, too💚I'm sure, it seems, she too, is somewhat scared of her son-🥺
Please see if your lovely self & the lady whom employs you, can continue with your normal arrangements & I'd love one of you to seek some support for someone to stand up to her bullying son's ways
You & his Mum both deserve much better & I'm praying this can soon be completely resolved 💚🕊️💚

It’s so awful, I was in a live in carer at times (different I know) but I know how hard it can be, and the work you put in.

I hope you get the outcome you want.. and if not I hope you can successfully do them for unfair dismissal. The nasty son deserves to be put in his place. Maybe (more logically, not talking from anger, in your defence) you come to an agreement with them, with acas assistance. They certainly can’t just tell you to go and not pay you further, when you have a notice period and have done nothing wrong x

what a nasty and unnecessary thing to say.

Sounds like the lady you look after needs help. If there are LPAs being used, the Office of the Public Guardian can be contacted to investigate their possible misuse. AGE UK may be able to offer advice. Safeguarding services at your local authority.
As for yourself, report to the police.
Good luck.

Stainless steel??? So basically one euro max? I wouldn't go back if you feel scared, bc the son sounds hideous. so sorry.

How does not going back help anyone? It just confirms the message that bullies will always get their way by shouting & throwing their weight around!

You have a legal contract with 'Eileen' OP. Her toddler son's little temper tantrum has nothing to do with that.

I hope the visit from big brother has helped pour a bit of oil on the water & that Captain Stroppy is the one that's sent away with his tail between his legs!

Let's face it, if you've got that much access & you're going to lift something, it's not going to be a single stainless steel spoon, and you're not going to choose the day a son is there to do it, OR put it in a ziploc along the way 🙄

If anything, the circumstances speak to how very considerate and upstanding an employee you are.

Stick to your guns & ask the police for a restraining order against him if you want to be sure you won't be troubled by an agressive assailant in your workplace again!

Absolutely….adult safeguarding!

That man sounds like a bully