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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sacked because of a spoon - aibu?

441 replies

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:09

I have been working as a private Housekeeper for several years now for an elderly lady with two sons.

Part of that role was driving her to her medical appointments. She had one early yesterday morning and because the timing was tight, I took my breakfast with me to eat while she was in her appointment. When I got to the house, I realised I'd left my spoon at home and asked her if I could borrow one. She was fine with me taking one to use.

I totally forgot about it in my lunch box and realised last night when I got home and took it out to wash. Popped the spoon through the dishwasher too, and put it in my handbag to return today.

The youngest son was in the house when I got there today and immediately accused me of hiding his mum's watch to see if anyone noticed. (Which is worth a lot of money.) She'd worn it to her appointment and back home so I knew it was somewhere, and found it quite quickly in her bedroom on the floor between her bed and bedside table. (Son has in the past "joked" about me using up his inheritance by working there)

I just want to be absolutely clear here - I have never taken a single thing from this house that wasn't given directly to me like small gifts for birthday and Christmas. I could probably have made hundreds in the time I've been there by taking random "lost" coins and small notes but I always put them into the tray, with notes going under a magnet on the fridge. I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable.

With the watch found, I went to start my normal jobs - I always take my rings off and put them in my purse. Went to do that and realised the spoon was in my bag so went to put it back (it was in a food bag, not swimming around in my handbag naked)

Son went absolutely mental, to the point he frightened me, screaming and shouting about how I'm trying to steal stuff and I can't be trusted. Eileen (not her real name) was frightened too, and crying and I was doing my best to calm the situation because I was quite honest properly scared. He's a big man and the house is on its own in acres of grounds.

He told me to get out, that he doesn't want to see me again and that I'm a nasty scrounger trying to rob his mum. I left over an hour ago and I'm still incredibly shaken by the entire thing... I've never been spoken to like that before, not once, and I keep thinking about him storming towards me and being so angry.

I have no idea what to do next... I don't know if I should go back tomorrow or what to do.

OP posts:
Isobel201 · 06/09/2025 20:15

Despite the title, the OP hasn't actually been dismissed by her employer. All the son did was get angry with her and asked her to leave. OP, contact your employer and ask if she's terminated you x

pipthomson · 06/09/2025 20:45

Do you think the sons agenda is to have his mother isolated and reliant on him ?if it was she who employed you your contract (even if its only verbal is with you not him
is the son capable of meeting all her needs ?
if you are smelling a rat you should contact social services (you can do this anonymously they can get safeguarding in place you are prob best placed to describe her needs in detail

Rosscameasdoody · 06/09/2025 20:48

Isobel201 · 06/09/2025 20:15

Despite the title, the OP hasn't actually been dismissed by her employer. All the son did was get angry with her and asked her to leave. OP, contact your employer and ask if she's terminated you x

All he did ???!!!

ByNattyScroller · 06/09/2025 20:48

The sin sounds like a vile abusive bully. When you said that he ‘ jokes ‘ sometimes about you using up his inheritance that speaks volumes about him. He’s obviously judging you by his standards. I was just going to ask if there’s any other siblings as well. Even if you don’t want to back. If there are and If you know them quite well and get on with them. I would contact them and just tell them ( if they already know about what’s happened. At the end of the day you borrowed a spoon for god sake. Sadly my own brother was similar. He ended up financially abusing my mum a few years before she died and he didn’t even want her to have a carer. I contacted Social services but they were absolutely useless. They wouldn’t even contact my brother as my mum didn’t want them to.

Tanjamaltija · 06/09/2025 20:59

The old lady needs a wellness check. If he bullied you, about his inheritance [even the jokes are bullying, in my opinion], you can imagine what he does to his mother when you are not there. The fact that she didn't stand up for you and say you had the spoon with her permission, says volumes.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/09/2025 21:00

SackedByaSpoon · 03/09/2025 11:41

Notice should be thirty days. Eileen lives there alone, though she often has other family visiting (it's a big house and they worry she's lonely I think)

I would love to go back. It's my favourite house so far and I've really enjoyed working there until this!

He really scared me today. ☹️

Show quote history

I'd also draft out a to the point letter...

Saying you value your honesty /integrity highly and you would NEVER take anything.

Point out also the circs... Eileen agreed you could use a spoon for your lunch and uou were bringing the washed spoon back.

The fact you are very upset that your integrity should be called into question.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/09/2025 21:03

Then go to social service as a safeguarding concern given his aggression

Pooor Eileen!

Rosscameasdoody · 06/09/2025 21:14

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 06/09/2025 21:00

I'd also draft out a to the point letter...

Saying you value your honesty /integrity highly and you would NEVER take anything.

Point out also the circs... Eileen agreed you could use a spoon for your lunch and uou were bringing the washed spoon back.

The fact you are very upset that your integrity should be called into question.

Show quote history

OP doesn’t need to do any of this. The son is not her employer, Eileen is. All OP needs to do is verify that Eileen agrees with her son and if she does, then OP should contact ACAS for advice as to how she proceeds to tribunal for constructive dismissal. If not, then OP should insist that the son is not present whenever she works.

ArtfulPinkBird · 06/09/2025 21:33

Evenstar · 03/09/2025 11:12

I would leave, but report a safeguarding concern to Adult Social Services as I think the elderly lady is extremely vulnerable and at risk of financial abuse and coercive control.

Completely agree with this- that poor lady having a son like that. It must have been so shocking, I hope you're feeling better now. Personally I don't think I'd go back- he sounds incredibly volatile and controlling too.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 06/09/2025 22:10

How are you doing @SackedByaSpoon ? Have you spoken with Eileen? Hope you're both ok.

acorncrush · 06/09/2025 22:20

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Bit of an unhinged response.

It’s obvious that she is also implying she hasn’t taken anything. This is a normal way of speaking.

Clearoutthecrap · 06/09/2025 23:01

acorncrush · 06/09/2025 22:20

Bit of an unhinged response.

It’s obvious that she is also implying she hasn’t taken anything. This is a normal way of speaking.

Edited
Show quote history

I disagree. The normal way of speaking would be to say “I have never stolen anything” rather than “I have never been accused of stealing anything”
But as the OP responded to my post almost immediately to clarify what she meant, the huge number of vitriolic and outraged reactions from other people since then is quite baffling and unnecessary.

NorthenAdventure · 06/09/2025 23:03

Clearoutthecrap · 06/09/2025 23:01

I disagree. The normal way of speaking would be to say “I have never stolen anything” rather than “I have never been accused of stealing anything”
But as the OP responded to my post almost immediately to clarify what she meant, the huge number of vitriolic and outraged reactions from other people since then is quite baffling and unnecessary.

Show quote history

Who one earth are you to say what 'normal' is? Multiple posters have stated that they don't see anything odd about the way she has expressed that... just because YOU do doesn't make her dodgy! 🤦🏼‍♀️

NorthenAdventure · 06/09/2025 23:03

acorncrush · 06/09/2025 22:20

Bit of an unhinged response.

It’s obvious that she is also implying she hasn’t taken anything. This is a normal way of speaking.

Edited
Show quote history

Absolutely!

Clearoutthecrap · 06/09/2025 23:04

NorthenAdventure · 06/09/2025 23:03

Who one earth are you to say what 'normal' is? Multiple posters have stated that they don't see anything odd about the way she has expressed that... just because YOU do doesn't make her dodgy! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Show quote history

Good grief, save the outrage. Where did I say she was dodgy?

Izzywizzy85 · 06/09/2025 23:18

This is really sad…what a bully. I hope you’re ok.

Sodthesystem · 07/09/2025 00:18

Hope you're doing ok today. What a stressy thing to happen. You've been in my thoughts.

AbracadabraZ · 07/09/2025 03:59

Lots of great advice already here. I would also write down what happened. Sign. Date and report to police for the threatening and abusive behaviour. It was in a domestic setting so not a public order offence but still must come under some law.

SnappyMoose · 07/09/2025 04:05

You should let the police know you were threatened and frightened by this person. It will help protect his mum in the future. All other advice here is solid. He cannot fire you and he cannot intimidate you and behave like he does, so I would go have a word with the police about the safety of both of you and they can refer it on too.

Yakacm · 07/09/2025 04:35

I mean if you felt that intimidated, I’d maybe go to police and make a complaint. From what you say it sounds like he’s not happy with his mother using her money to make her life easier. There’s something uber creepy about people talking about ‘their inheritance’, like they see their elderly parents as being just money. If he’s so concerned maybe he should have his mother move in with him.

BourgeoisBabe · 07/09/2025 05:59

Clearoutthecrap · 03/09/2025 11:23

“I've worked in other houses too, some of UHNW, and never once been accused of taking something. My references are impeccable”

Rather strange wording here. You don’t say you have never taken something, just that you have never been accused of it, Have you ever taken anything?

Her wording is not strange at all

JMSA · 07/09/2025 06:30

What a prick. And I highly doubt he’s going to step up, with ferrying his mother around and cleaning for her.

If you go back (and I really hope it works out for you, OP), how often are you likely to see him? Like, does he live nearby?
Your plan sounds like a good one.

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 07/09/2025 07:29

How are you doing @SackedByaSpoon ?

TheWorthyNewt · 07/09/2025 07:30

You should maybe read again what she's written.

Seagull2148 · 07/09/2025 07:31

That is so awful for you. I would not go back there if I were you, sounds like the son has serious mental health issues. It is so sad that your client will not have you to care for her. I understand how you would be so upset being attacked like that. However you have done nothing wrong and I hope you get a new client soon who appreciates you.