To think the school could have cut DS some slack here

[Sprogonthetyne]

DS is autistic, really struggles with school in general but especially when there's transitions and change, so the start of term is hard for him. He's been crying and having anxiety attacks about going back to school for the last week and is only a hairs breath away from school refusal. He went back today and had a really good morning, which took an enormous amount of effort from him.

This afternoon he got told off for using his glue stick wrongly. Not inappropriately, just spreading glue across the whole surface he was sticking (as preferd by last year's teacher) instead of a dot in each corner (preferd by this years teacher), and this completely unravelled him. He'd been trying so hard to manage the big changes and hold everything together, so the unfairness of still being in trouble despite his effort and for something minor that he didn't even know had changed pushed him over the edge and he ended up having a meltdown (which I know isn't ideal, I'm not defending his reaction).

While I know I aught to suport the school, I can't help but feel they could really have picked their battles and just left the kid to glue however he wants.

If it’s the same school as last year then the argument about it being about the cost seems irrelevant.

How are they planning on punishing him??
I’m dubious about them having caused the meltdown as well, tbh.
He can’t be immune from being given / following perfectly normal instructions because he might react badly.

A "reflection" which is there wording for missing playtime.

Giving instructions is generally fine, it's telling him something he's already done, that was fine last year is suddenly wrong, without prior warning and at a time when he was already struggling. It just doesn't feel that the 2p worth of glue needed to be the priority at that time.

A "reflection" which is there wording for missing playtime.

Giving instructions is generally fine, it's telling him something he's already done, that was fine last year is suddenly wrong, without prior warning and at a time when he was already struggling. It just doesn't feel that the 2p worth of glue needed to be the priority at that time.

So you really expect a teacher to remember something so trivial as a change of method of using a glue stick ? A new teacher? A new teacher who wasn’t informedd that the glue stick method has changed?

You want a teacher to give prior warning about a glue stick? To one child?

Are they actually issuing a punishment for an autistic pupil becoming dysregulated? I’m not sure about the glue stick incident but I agree on the face of it that a punishment seems unfair. Does he have an EHCP (or equivalent)?

I would be more annoyed at him being punished for a meltdown. Meltdowns are not a choice so a punishment is not going to change his future behaviour.

A "reflection" which is there wording for missing playtime.

Giving instructions is generally fine, it's telling him something he's already done, that was fine last year is suddenly wrong, without prior warning and at a time when he was already struggling. It just doesn't feel that the 2p worth of glue needed to be the priority at that time.

Having worked in schools for 20 years I'm normally very very supportive of their actions, but I'd be pushing back against this.

He did what he thought was right as no one told him the process had changed. His one-to-one has known him a while and could have given him a heads up, or dealt with it differently.

I'd be expecting a "we could all have done things differently, let's think if there's anything else that's changed" chat.

Unless there's a drip feed that his melt down included violence or the likes aimed at staff or other pupils. Punishing him is a shit way to start the year off.

No I expect his 1:1, who has worked with him for 3 years to understand that a sudden change of rules would be difficult and that criticising a child for doing somthing in the way they've done it for years without issues will feel unfair to them.

Would also be annoyed at him being given a punishment. Or was an attempt to urge him to have a quiet time after his meltdown . As you are well aware so much of dealing with an autistic child is down to nuance.

Was he told off?
Or was he criticised and told to glue in a particular (different) way?
Is there to be punishment?
Or was he being given glueing information?

If he was actually told off and there will be an active punishment then I would be very angry indeed and talk to the Head about it

If not, then it's really just one of those things. Have a nice chat to his 1:1 about his inability to mask all day

It hasn't happened yet, the incident was at the end of the day, so they plan on doing it tomorrow, which will then ruin another day and further set the year off on a bad footing. (With DS, yesterday might as well be months ago, his mind lives in the moment so to him when it happened it will come out of nowhere)

That context is terrible OP . I think that is the most misguided way of dealing with a child with autism I have ever heard of . I would be extremely unhappy with this and definitely would bring it up . Hard to believe his 1:1 having any training at all went along with this .

You don’t say how old is he. If he is 4-5 he should be cut some slack. You also don’t say how many times he was told not to make a mess. Kids by a certain age should be told a simple instruction once and not ignore it, You also don’t say how long the teacher had to manage him whilst ignoring the other 29 kids who were getting on with it.

theres a boy in my kids class whose a nightmare. He takes up lots of the teacher’s time, ignores instructions, chuck tables, hit other kids, swears, shout in others kids ears, has tantrums, makes loud screechy noises and rip up display work. whilst the other kids get on with it/do as there told. He should be expelled. Instead he gets special treatment. 😡

My kids said what’s the point of behaving seeing as only naughty kids get attention and rewards.

There’s a huge back story that your keeping from us.

This is really tricky.

I used to teach in a SEN school, but we had typically 8 students and 2 LSAs per class. We knew our students.

You really can't expect a teacher to walk on eggshells because of one student, particularly for such a benign activity such as glueing in a worksheet. It would be detrimental to the rest of the students, especially when you think of what is the next thing that will set him off.

It also doesn't do him any benefit in the long run. As he gets older and more independent, then there will be so many things that he can't control or anticipate.

I remember one of my students, who was in touch with his ASC, was delivering a school assembly on The Spoon Theory. This is when you start the day owning so many spoons, and each challenge in the day takes away a spoon. Once all the spoons are used up, there's a meltdown. It sounds like your DS had one spoon left when he was ask to use the glue stick. He coped for the morning, but by the afternoon, his coping ability was diminished.

It's up to your DS, alongside his support network, to develop the resources to get through the day. This is something he needs to do to get him through school and adulthood.

Get him a pencil case with his own gluestick.

What do you mean? If a kid doesn’t do what there suppose to do they should be told not to do it. There should be no special treatment. My kids are sick off seeing some kids in there school behaving so badly but getting away with it and rewarded. 😡

@Sprogonthetyne

Your son should not be missing playtime for using too much glue. Can't believe this a punishable offence at this point in the term.

What do you think has changed since last term OP? He's had his 1:1 for three years, if their support was always this problematic you would have stepped in 3 years ago. If all was fine until now, what's happened to make it like this now?

It does matter. what if the whole class decided to make that sort of mess?imagine 30 kids not listening to the teacher and trashing the table with glue messes. 🤦‍♀️

i taught my kids to be tidy and go with rules . But there now fed up when a few other kids in there school behave so badly and get away with it.

Too bad that in your outrage you didn’t bother to read the post properly. There was no mess. The kid glued the sides of the PAPER instead or just dotting the corners. That was it.

What did this 'meltdown' entail? what fis tbis meltdown entail+ he realy shouldn't be punished fir behaviour he yrulu can't help. When i have taught SEN kifs i can usually tell the difference between this and chosen behaviour

It’s so tough. You’re right to accept that the new glue rule exists - we say to our ND DS ‘the world won’t bend’ and we encourage independence, BUT, with that in mind there’s a few things that need exploring:

1. how was the glue instruction given - one common adjustment (and actually a QFT strategy from the EEF, is explicit instruction. So did that happen? I.e. ‘DS name, please will you put one dot of glue in each corner of the worksheet.’ If not, why not?
2. how was he supported to regulate? What is the action plan when he is in crisis - was it implemented? If not - why? If so - how?

If they haven’t done everything they can to provide those adjustments then that isn’t DS’s fault and no reflection time should be imposed. But if they did provide the reasonable adjustments he need, be clear that they cannot punish a meltdown - he can’t help that, BUT you can have a conversation and appropriate consequence for not following instructions.

Can you clarify a few things OP?

First of all, was he actually told off or just told he did it wrong?

You say this was his 121 rather than a new teacher. What is their relationship like? Have you had any other concerns about the way she deals with him? Does she know him well?

What was his behaviour during the meltdown?

What strategies did they try to calm him down?

This reflection time, will it be for the whole break? Is it presented as a consequence/punishment? Who will he be spending this time with and what exactly will he be doing?

Does he have an ECHP? Are staff up to date with his needs and the ways to manage them?

Yes the 1:1 could have handled it better but important context - what did the meltdown consist of? Crying? Throwing things? Walking out? Depending what it was and who saw it they might feel there needs to be a consequence in order to show the students in the new school year that doing whatever it was isn’t an option in this class.

I know he’s autistic but that doesn’t mean someone else caused his meltdown and whatever his behaviour is afterwards isn’t his fault. The world can’t tiptoe around him. BUT having said that unless he hurt someone I think it’s worth an email or call to the school to explain the situation like you’ve said here and ask them to let him off the punishment. They might not know the context.