To think I parented very poorly this morning

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

My kids, 6&8 missed the bus because of fighting in the bathroom while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. This is an ongoing issue, they always fight while brushing their teeth.

The bus only waits for a few seconds and I was yelling at them to hurry and it was right outside our house, they missed it by seconds. I threw their school bags to the floor, slammed the door and snapped at them.

I feel like shit. The kids were so sad as I drove them to school, said I scared them by throwing the bags. I don't usually overreact like that.

I apologized profusely and plan on chatting with them when they get home but I feel like the worst mum in the world.

I'm open to any and all comments re this. My Mum used to act the same way and I hated it and thought I'd be different.

Maybe they should take turns brushing their teeth?

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant you are not a bad parent. Maybe try and get them to do their teeth separately?? When you have two going off on one its not easy.

I don’t think you should feel bad, you overreacted but nobody was hurt, okay so they were scared but I’ll bet they will make sure not to do it again!
I grew up with a slight fear of my parents, I’m not saying it’s a good thing but we all have limits and if this is the only time you’ve reached it, I’d say you’re doing okay!
Chat with them for sure and apologise, but make sure they are aware that their behaviour is unacceptable which is why you were so cross, and that you and they need to work together to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

Ok it sounds stressful so no judgement here.

I would just move on and try not to let it happen again. Would it help to brush the teeth before breakfast and separately? That’s what dentists recommend though I agree it sounds strange. Otherwise staggered tooth brushing way before you leave.

I’f try and figure out a way to get a bigger buffer for the bus. So leave 5 minutes before you actually need to.

@pinkyredrose

Definitely they should. We do usually aim for this. The one sent in first was dilly dallying and by the time the second child came in was still not done

@Delatron

I have heard about this. Probably need to start implementing it. And yes we do tend to run pretty tight on time which of course inflames things. So yea all need to get up earlier

@moanamovie

I wouldn't say this is the first time I've ever lost my patience but this morning I had a full on adult sized tantrum and I feel very ashamed! Throwing down their school bags! That really upset them

@shellyleppard

Yes definitely need to be better at enforcing this

What sorted all the messing about for us was getting up and getting washed/teeth and dressed straight away before anything else. That way everyone is ready and it’s easier to chuck a croissant at them to eat on the way if they are late.

One can use the kitchen sink.
Seeing you at the end of your tether is letting them know you are also a human being not robot super dm.
Maybe tomorrow will be different..

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant it does get easier x some days you wonder if it ever will lol

@Favouritefruits

That definitely sounds easier. They aren't allowed to eat on the bus (in US so bus picks up from home) but yes if the necessaries are done and they mess around and choose not to eat...

I don't think you did anything wrong. It sounds like they have had something like this coming for some time.

It doesn't do them any harm to see that they pushed you too far and there are consequences. I wouldn't have apologised.

Tomorrow they need to promise that they will be ready on time. If that means they have to do their teeth separately then so be it.

If they aren't ready on time tomorrow then there should be further consequences such as docked pocket money and/or loss of TV and screen time.

@Coldnightsapproachingwhereismyduvet

Why didn't I think of that before!! I can have one brushing in kitchen with me while I finish up packing their bags

My dc are the same. One uses the kitchen sink, the other uses the bathroom. Explain to them what happened with you ie getting overwhelmed and apologise for scaring them. Ask them for their opinions on how things could be done differently in the morning to make things easier. Sometimes my children surprise me with the seemingly inconsequential ideas they come up with which make a big difference to them that id never think of.

The fact you’re reflecting on this makes you a great mum. In the big scheme of things it’s really not a biggie. You’re human!
I second the idea that breakfast is last. It’s the reward for getting dressed & ready. If you’re dilly dallying then breakfast is an apple on route!

@Topseyt123

Yes we usually do implement consequences when they mess around and miss the bus. It's happened probably 7 times. It's not a huge deal because I can just run them in but I have a toddler as well so it's very inconvenient.

I think I feel like I lost my right to discipline it because I acted so childish myself? Just doubting what to do now.

You are human. Everyone is allowed a bad day.

@LittleYellowQueen

Thanks for the advice. I definitely plan on chatting to them after school. Just feel rubbish that we all started the day like this

@Thymeagain

Going to talk to them about this and explain that we are going to approach things differently. In the end one of the kids admitted he didn't even brush his teeth because they were so busy fighting !!

So from now on I will ensure they both have done it before eating

Hardly any of us manages to be the parent we want to be all the time, OP. Once, you parented badly. Almost always, you parent well. Tomorrow, the bad memory of this morning will have faded, and maybe your DC will clean their teeth without fighting 😉

1.You’re human, mornings are stressfull
2.Get up earlier, especially you!! Even if it’s by 10 minutes, trust me if you’re up and ready it will make the world of difference
3.They need to brush their teeth separately.
4.Get a timer. 4 minutes in the bathroom each. That allows 2 minutes for brushing teeth, and 2 minutes for mucking about!
Make sure you are watching, until they get the hang of it
5.Make sure you have breakfast ready. There’s either no choice, or you decide the night before

I used to blow a whistle when times were up, they loved it. It got them into routines pretty fast

Good luck

I think it's ok for kids to know people - including their parents - have limits and aren't perfect all the time. IMO these are good learning opportunities and opportunities to strengthen your relationship with them. I disagree with @Topseyt123 that you shouldn't have apologised - it's an excellent way to model healthy relationships with those we love. But it's also ok for them to know you don't have infinite patience (and nor will others they have to interact with through life). It's ok for them to see you cross and upset because of their behaviour. It's also ok for them to know sometimes you make mistakes in how you handle your frustration and you can't be perfect all the time.

Don't beat yourself up.

I think you’re being way too hard on yourself.

I don't think you parented poorly at all!

Sometimes kids need to learn that if you push your luck beyond a certain point, mummy may occasionally lose her shit :)