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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I parented very poorly this morning

170 replies

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 17:13

My kids, 6&8 missed the bus because of fighting in the bathroom while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. This is an ongoing issue, they always fight while brushing their teeth.

The bus only waits for a few seconds and I was yelling at them to hurry and it was right outside our house, they missed it by seconds. I threw their school bags to the floor, slammed the door and snapped at them.

I feel like shit. The kids were so sad as I drove them to school, said I scared them by throwing the bags. I don't usually overreact like that.

I apologized profusely and plan on chatting with them when they get home but I feel like the worst mum in the world.

I'm open to any and all comments re this. My Mum used to act the same way and I hated it and thought I'd be different.

OP posts:
Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 18:11

@SallyD00lally

You're right. I'll take today to process and reconfigure. You're right that they pivoted from reflecting on their own behavior to focussing on me losing it

OP posts:
Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 18:11

@IOSTT

they get up right away and it all goes well until the teeth brushing haha

OP posts:
Shewasafaireh · 02/09/2025 18:12

Is there anything that could be done the night before so that you’re not rushing or stressing about in the morning?

Also, don’t be too hard on yourself. Once DD asked me if I had changed the oil the fryer and this was what finally sent me to an uncontrollable sobbing session. I was already at the end of my tether with parenting and that was what tipped it over. She still laughs about it now.

Natsku · 02/09/2025 18:12

Don't be too hard on yourself, we all lose our temper at some point. You apologised, they apologised, no lasting harm done.

Definitely switch to brushing before breakfast, and I'd brush the younger ones teeth yourself as its still recommended at that age, and that'd prevent messing about too. And maybe get up 10 minutes earlier with the agreement that if they can manage to be ready on time consistently for a month you can put the alarm back 10 minutes.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 02/09/2025 18:12

They were messing about and you told them off?

why are you apologising and feeling bad…

It’s okay to tell your kids off when they are being a pain in the arse.

MyrtleLion · 02/09/2025 18:13

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 17:31

@Myjobisridiculous

Thank you for these suggestions. We do have a visual timer. I never thought of using it in the bathroom. The whistle sounds very satisfying. Might have to forgo so I don't wake up toddler.

You make a good point about choosing breakfast. I spend too much time waiting for them to decide

With choosing, it’s a case of this one or that one. So it’s not “pyjamas yes or no”, it’s “red pyjamas or blue pyjamas”.

Same with breakfast. “Cheerios or cornflakes”, not “which cereal (of many), or “cereal or pancakes”, because then they say “pancakes” and it’s “blueberry or syrup” etc.

Thingyfanding · 02/09/2025 18:17

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 17:13

My kids, 6&8 missed the bus because of fighting in the bathroom while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. This is an ongoing issue, they always fight while brushing their teeth.

The bus only waits for a few seconds and I was yelling at them to hurry and it was right outside our house, they missed it by seconds. I threw their school bags to the floor, slammed the door and snapped at them.

I feel like shit. The kids were so sad as I drove them to school, said I scared them by throwing the bags. I don't usually overreact like that.

I apologized profusely and plan on chatting with them when they get home but I feel like the worst mum in the world.

I'm open to any and all comments re this. My Mum used to act the same way and I hated it and thought I'd be different.

You sound like a lovely mum. I shout at mine most days..

Don’t beat yourself up

Mumof2amazingasdkiddos · 02/09/2025 18:24

I think its great you lost your shit with them! They weren't listening and clearly the fighting whilst teeth brushing isnt a new issue. They have now seen that their actions have consequences not just for them but for other people plus they got to realise that you are a human who has a full spectrum of emotions just like they do as tiny humans!
If you were losing your shit with them multiple times daily then I'd be responding differently of course but honestly we ALL do it on a rare occasion when we have been pushed passed our limits! Use it as a teaching opportunity, you've already apologised and explained why you were so frustrated, great start. Follow that up now with getting them to understand their part in causing this and apologising to you and each other. Then the three of you sit down and come up with a plan of how to stop this silliness in the mornings, they get up earlier (so have to go to bed earlier! Obviously you dont have to actually permanently change the bedtime/wake up time but it's good for them to see proper consequences) using different sinks, let them come up with ideas first and pitch in if they either can't or their plans are crazy! Put the responsibility for avoiding this on them and the responsibility of you losing your shit on you.

MyrtleLion · 02/09/2025 18:24

Also, you’ve apologised once, and as you will talk to them about it, you can apologise again, “as I said this morning, I am sorry for losing my temper. I will try to be calmer next time”. But don’t keep apologising as it looks desperate. You’re the grown up.

Don’t say you will try not to do it again, because that creates the don’t think of an elephant. It’s about positive behaviour not negative.

I try and work on a three step process:

  1. what happened? Maybe use five whys - we missed the bus, why? Because we were late, why? Because we didn’t get our shoes on? Why? Because we were late brushing our teeth? Why? Because we were fighting/being silly/messing around.
  2. how did we fix it? Mummy drove us to school instead, which means she had to get the toddler ready, put them in the car seat, clear the snow off the car - so they see the results of what happened.
  3. how do we stop it happening again? And ask them for suggestions. We agreed it was because of messing about, how do we stop that, or what can we do differently (not better, different).

I hope this helps as it’s intended to be a neutral way of finding a solution together rather than blaming them or you. It really helps change behaviours if they join in.

whatcanthematterbe81 · 02/09/2025 18:24

Kids are idiots sometimes. Don’t beat yourself up. You sound like a lovely mum to be worrying about it so it’s not that deep.

Laura95167 · 02/09/2025 18:24

Ok.

  1. Not your best work. Let it go, none of us is perfect, its not terrible.
  2. This presents you a great opportunity to help your kids learn that managing emotions isnt easy and we all mess up, that shouting doesnt mean no love and that apologies and accountability are the measure of good character.

Tell them youre sorry about how you behaved, that you're sorry if that upset them, sometimes mummy makes mistakes too. Ask them how they felt about this morning, listen, comfort them. And if they take any accountability for squabbling talk about how youre all going to try again tomorrow.

BotterMon · 02/09/2025 18:25

YABU blaming yourself. They need to learn that if they miss the bus there are consequences. Lucky that you were able to drive them.

You didn't swear or hit them; I'm sure they'll get over being shouted at and having bags flung on the floor.

HerecomesMargo · 02/09/2025 18:27

I think they deserved it. At their ages messing around like this is unacceptable

Noname973 · 02/09/2025 18:29

when mine were that age i made them get fully ready before breakfast (can always grab and go...) this included shoes and teeth.

katepilar · 02/09/2025 18:31

You say your mum did things like that. Its been programmed into you. Its natural its comes out. Its not easy to stop it. You can tell them that and that you are trying your best because you dont want to be a scary mum. Then think about how to work around the toothbrushing fight. Or ask them what they can think of.
You are a good mum and their are good kids :) Dont beat yourself up, use the situation to learn from.

Needlenardlenoo · 02/09/2025 18:33

Is there any reason they have to brush teeth at the same sink? Could one use the downstairs loo sink (if you have one) or even the kitchen sink?

Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 18:35

@Needlenardlenoo

We only have one toilet. But one could definitely use the kitchen sink.

OP posts:
Sunshineismyfavourite · 02/09/2025 18:36

I agree with some pps who have said just separate them. I would have one DC in bathroom and the other in kitchen to brush teeth. Perhaps swap after a week if the location becomes an argument.

You also need to stop apologising! We are all human, even parents, and we all have a limit. I once threw my DS's shoes at his head when he was being an absolute nightmare one school morning. Not my finest moment. Be kind to yourself - it's a tough job!

JMSA · 02/09/2025 18:36

Och, you’re fine. They were pissing about and you lost it a bit. No big deal 🙂

katepilar · 02/09/2025 18:38

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 02/09/2025 18:12

They were messing about and you told them off?

why are you apologising and feeling bad…

It’s okay to tell your kids off when they are being a pain in the arse.

Seems like you only read some parts of OP's post...

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/09/2025 18:39

Well, maybe it’ll teach them not to do it another time! I really don’t think you should beat yourself up about it, OP.
I don’t think it does a child any harm to realise occasionally that their behaviour can drive a parent to the absolute limit of their patience.

LittleYellowQueen · 02/09/2025 18:40

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 02/09/2025 18:12

They were messing about and you told them off?

why are you apologising and feeling bad…

It’s okay to tell your kids off when they are being a pain in the arse.

She didn't just tell them off, she threw things and she knows that was wrong. Don't minimise what happened , op is trying to own it and ask for help.

springerb88 · 02/09/2025 18:41

I was expecting much worse from reading the title to be honest!

Whatwouldnanado · 02/09/2025 18:41

Get them out of bed half an hour earlier. Get them to sort their bags, clothes everything ready the night before. Take it in turns to use the bathroom to wash and do teeth after breakfast, and get them to organise it with a chart if necessary. Any fighting means no …whatever they like to do after school that day and stick to it. Make sure they understand no fighting at home.

MelliC · 02/09/2025 18:47

Reward them 5 cents each of every day they get the school bus on time (without nagging). Let them build up all nice and shiny in a big jar until Christmas.

Fine them 25c each every time you have to take them in (with an extra 10c fine each if they start arguing about whose fault it was or squeak about it in any way)

You'll find they are perfectly capable of doing this. They just choose not to right now because they lack the proper incentives.

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