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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I parented very poorly this morning

170 replies

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 17:13

My kids, 6&8 missed the bus because of fighting in the bathroom while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. This is an ongoing issue, they always fight while brushing their teeth.

The bus only waits for a few seconds and I was yelling at them to hurry and it was right outside our house, they missed it by seconds. I threw their school bags to the floor, slammed the door and snapped at them.

I feel like shit. The kids were so sad as I drove them to school, said I scared them by throwing the bags. I don't usually overreact like that.

I apologized profusely and plan on chatting with them when they get home but I feel like the worst mum in the world.

I'm open to any and all comments re this. My Mum used to act the same way and I hated it and thought I'd be different.

OP posts:
ParmaVioletTea · 02/09/2025 18:47

That doesn't sound too bad. It sounds as though your DC are getting a bit of learning about consequences. Maybe they won't be so prone to fighting and messing about tomorrow.

Hameth · 02/09/2025 18:49

I reversed into a massive sprinter van and branch shredder in my drive id walked past and not noticed because I was bollocking son number 2 so much. I think you are allowed to have the occasional lapse. BTW mine absolutely deserved it.

DoubtfulCat · 02/09/2025 18:51

HRTFT but I think when we fail to be the person we want to be, it’s made ok when we apologise, sincerely, and explain why you lost it but that you should have dealt with the feelings better. Personally I feel a lot of the damage is done when parents snap and frighten their children but then behave as if they were justified in that. You can use your loss of control as a way of showing them that it’s a good thing to apologise and to be contrite, and also to forgive as long as it’s not a habit.

Ddakji · 02/09/2025 18:57

Don’t worry OP.

A suggestion - remove all choice and decision-making on the morning. You’re the parent, you’re in charge, you choose.

Decision making is actually quite stressful for kids and most of the time there’s no need for it.

Preachscreen · 02/09/2025 18:59

Think the most important outcome is that you explain why your behaviour went down that road, explain how the situation made you feel (missing the bus) and how it all impacted the day and then look at going forward what can help you and them and make life easier....'sandwich affect' normal to have a bad day even as a parent but it's just important than isn't repeated and becomes the normal.

WiddlinDiddlin · 02/09/2025 19:00

I think you should have a conversation about how their behaviour can affect other people and how they feel.

If they dick about, other people may lose patience and may behave in unexpected ways - whether they should or shouldn't, whether that is right or wrong isn't particularly relevant, they cannot control how other people behave. Only how THEY behave.

Thissickbeat · 02/09/2025 19:04

If that's as bad as you've got in 8 years of parenting you're a billion times better parent than me. Seriously, cut yourself some slack.

They're not toddlers, they do know they should get a bit of a move on.

Leedssdeel · 02/09/2025 19:04

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 17:13

My kids, 6&8 missed the bus because of fighting in the bathroom while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. This is an ongoing issue, they always fight while brushing their teeth.

The bus only waits for a few seconds and I was yelling at them to hurry and it was right outside our house, they missed it by seconds. I threw their school bags to the floor, slammed the door and snapped at them.

I feel like shit. The kids were so sad as I drove them to school, said I scared them by throwing the bags. I don't usually overreact like that.

I apologized profusely and plan on chatting with them when they get home but I feel like the worst mum in the world.

I'm open to any and all comments re this. My Mum used to act the same way and I hated it and thought I'd be different.

You got angry , you had an emotion. You were angry with your children and snapped at them and then you apologised for snapping at them. You showed them that we all get angry sometimes and that you also apologise to them, like they are no doubt asked to apologise if they act out. I would say you are the opposite of a bad parent and did everything right.

NoKnit · 02/09/2025 19:08

Well I think if they miss the bus surely they have to walk to school? Or at least part of the way like you drive then but park quite a way away. If they're late they have to explain to the teacher why in front of their friends.

Ddakji · 02/09/2025 19:09

NoKnit · 02/09/2025 19:08

Well I think if they miss the bus surely they have to walk to school? Or at least part of the way like you drive then but park quite a way away. If they're late they have to explain to the teacher why in front of their friends.

I would imagine that as the OP has said she’s in Idaho that’s not an option.

crumpetswithcheeze · 02/09/2025 19:10

No, I’d have probably done the same. But the way I look at it is this - if you’re a serene gentle parenter for their entire childhood years, the kids are going to have a very rude awakening when someone loses their shit with them the first time. This teaches them if they fuck around, they find out. A valuable lesson to learn, in my humble opinion.

Digdongdoo · 02/09/2025 19:14

You're fine OP. Mums are allowed emotions. Your 8yo in particular is old enough to know better. A chat about why you lost your temper would be good. Apologise but don't absolve them. There are consequences to missing busses, and they do need to learn.

Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 19:17

@NoKnit

In theory a good option but live out in the country and no pavements to walk on so wouldn't be safe and huge tractors and trucks whizzing by as it's harvest.

OP posts:
Harrysmummy246 · 02/09/2025 19:20

if they always fight whilst both in there brushing their teeth, without you being there, why is this not being done differently? E.g. they go separately or you're in there for the 2 minutes it takes

midlifeattheoasis · 02/09/2025 19:24

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant

I voted YABU, but I meant you are being unreasonable to feel bad, not that YABU to snap.

I wouldn't give it another thought. I snapped many a time at my DC and it hasn't done them any harm. They are gorgeous loving boys, both now at Uni and they love DH and me and they only have happy memories of their childhood.

Go easy on yourself

Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 19:25

@Harrysmummy246

I did send in one of them first and in theory they had time to brush and get out before other kid came in but chose to mess around and play in the sink etc.

It wasn't my finest morning as I didn't make the lunches the night before so I was hurrying to do that so didn't go and supervise.

So obvious steps are to make lunches the night before and separate them.

But honestly it seems a bit ridiculous that a 6 yo and an 8yo can't brush their teeth without messing about! And we only have one bathroom so yes they do end up overlapping more often than they should.

OP posts:
FioFioSILK · 02/09/2025 19:25

They have learnt a boundary. It's okay to be honest if you're frustrated. You bad to dive them in at time and energy. I'd be annoyed too and probably shout. They need to know you can be upset. I wouldn't over think it as you have been triggered by how your one mum behaved. They will think it totally out of character and a one off. End of holidays it's bloody stressful getting them back in. Separate them in the morning if they can't behave.

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 02/09/2025 19:26

OP the only thing YABU for is the grovelling and apologising. They were picking about instead of brushing their teeth and getting ready for school. They deserved to be told off. First day back at school (depending on where you live) and they have messed it up before they have even got in, forced their mother to take time to dive them in and most likely made you late for work. I would be glad they were scared. Maybe they will do better tomorrow.

User79853257976 · 02/09/2025 19:27

It’s okay for them to see normal emotions, just apologise for not handling your anger well on this occasion. I do think there must have been other things that slowed them down, how long were they fighting? They should be brushing their teeth before eating really.

PersephonePomegranate · 02/09/2025 19:27

We've all had those moments and we've all felt horrible after.

They were scared because you don't usually react like that. Obviously it's not ideal, but I don't think your children understanding that you have a limit to the amount of shift you can or will tolerate is necessarily a bad thing once in a while.

Go easy on yourself. You've had some good suggestions from PP, hopefully that will help avoid this situation.

DoraSpenlow · 02/09/2025 19:28

Don't beat yourself up about it. Do them good to know you have your limits.

When my brother was little he never took any notice of our mum until she lost it, then he would behave . He grew up to be a perfectly well functioning adult.

Original poster
HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 02/09/2025 19:42

@User79853257976

I have only just learned that you're supposed to brush your teeth first thing! Definitely works in my favor in this situation

OP posts:
WeNeedToTalkAboutIT · 02/09/2025 19:42

I think it does kids the world of good to see their parents get fed up and snap occasionally. Not all of the time, but knowing there is a point at which pushing their parents to or past is Not Fun helps them to focus on staying within reasonable boundaries.

I like the idea of one brushing upstairs and one downstairs. I also think there's no reason to stay within "society normal" if different would work better for your household. If a toothbrush, their own tube of paste each, and a glass of water each to wet the brush in and rinse their mouth before spitting it out into the sink in the kitchen (where you would be) laid out on the breakfast table for straight after their cereal would work better, go for that. Or even, shock horror if nothing works better, leave brushing until they get home from school.

Good luck!

BrendaSmall · 02/09/2025 19:42

At 6 & 8 years of age, they need guidance from you, instead of being allowed to go off and brush teeth on their own!
Maybe get up earlier and clean teeth before getting ready for school and if they’re late they go to school without breakfast, until they learn how to get things done in the time frame given

Endofyear · 02/09/2025 19:43

Listen, it's not ideal behaviour but don't beat yourself up - none of us are perfect parents! There's no harm done and I would implement a consequence for fighting and missing the bus from now on - no tv or iPad or whatever after school!

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