To think I parented very poorly this morning

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

My kids, 6&8 missed the bus because of fighting in the bathroom while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. This is an ongoing issue, they always fight while brushing their teeth.

The bus only waits for a few seconds and I was yelling at them to hurry and it was right outside our house, they missed it by seconds. I threw their school bags to the floor, slammed the door and snapped at them.

I feel like shit. The kids were so sad as I drove them to school, said I scared them by throwing the bags. I don't usually overreact like that.

I apologized profusely and plan on chatting with them when they get home but I feel like the worst mum in the world.

I'm open to any and all comments re this. My Mum used to act the same way and I hated it and thought I'd be different.

@Myjobisridiculous

I'll start setting the alarm for 6:30 I don't really want to go any earlier than that

You, personally won’t notice 10 minutes. Your routine probably will, especially if you are more efficient and organised too
Good luck

@Myjobisridiculous

I think it could make a difference. Last year we were doing ok with 40 minutes. But maybe we'd all be more relaxed with closer to an hour. It annoys me their school starts so early. First bell at 7:55.

Gosh, that is an early start. I think you're all doing well to be washed, dressed and fed in 40 minutes. Maybe you could sort school bags the night before, the kids can help. Also, the one thing that made the most difference to my family in the morning was banning tv until everyone was ready, rather than having the distraction in the background.

Wow 7.55 is early, I thought 8.15 was bad enough.

Out of interest what time do they finish ?

Remember along with supervision to stop them pratting about that teeth should be brushed before breakfast not after. Apologies if someone else has already mentioned that.

@Delphiniumandlupins

Yes we definitely do better when bags are ready. We do try and usually lay out clothes and have lunches ready night before. This morning I was making lunches which isn't ideal.

It all goes well until they brush their teeth! Then they just dick around in the bathroom!!

We were setting their alarm at 6:20 originally but they said they were willing to be faster in the morning for 20 mins extra sleep! But maybe we need to go back to that.

@starmoonsun

They finish at 3:25.

It is a long day but they have Fridays off so have to make up the hours.

@Simonjt

I did recently learn about this. Need to start it

Please don't beat yourself up, it doesn't sound like you're a generally shouty mummy, you just slightly overreacted today. I actually wouldn't keep apologising for it - I think you risk making it into a bigger deal in their minds than it really was.

You don’t need to apologise again. Parenting isn’t all softly softly, sometimes kids need to know when they're taking the piss and being annoying. I managed to bring up two great kids making sure they were aware when they annoyed or upset me.

@BunnyLake

You're probably right. I already apologized and meant it. I'll try to focus the conversation more on what we can all do differently going forward

Make one brush their teeth in the kitchen then. It’s odd that the bus doesn’t wait a little bit.

I don’t think you did anything wrong. They were fighting and should have got a move on. The consequence was an unhappy car ride and an upset mum.

Maybe now they’ll brush their teeth and get to the bus. Don’t over apologise or they’ll think you’re a pushover.

@BunnyLake

I just don't like that I lost my patience. I acted childish and I don't like that I did. An adult should remain in control of their temper

Sounds perfect. Apologies have been proffered from both sides so need to rake that up.

I’ve been there myself and beaten myself up over it but I found the less it was picked at like a scab the better everyone moved on. Just focus on the solutions.

@TheGreatWesternShrew

Yup going to try that tomorrow

Nope it's the stereotypical American School bus and she doesn't even stop all the way unless the kids are standing out there waiting. What's annoying is that the time the bus comes can vary by 5 minutes or so but she won't even wait 10 seconds even if she sees the kids coming. This morning she locked eyes with me, she could see my son in the doorway literally standing up from putting on his shoes and ready to run out. But she still drove off.

I understand though I shouldn't have been cutting it so close. But sometimes the bus comes 5 mins later than usual and my kids think I'm crazy for having hurried them then they stand there haha.

It's a bit annoying because I have to send them out to stand and wait for it even when it's dark and can be -25°C and blizzarding!! Because she won't stop if she doesn't see them.

I was trying to wave at her and I know she saw me. Again I understand they can't wait for every child but yea. It more annoyed me because the bus was RIGHT THERE and if they hadn't been fighting for literally 10 seconds less they would have made it.

@BunnyLake

You're right I think.

You are being way too hard on yourself. Everyone loses their temper sometimes, kids push buttons to find out exactly where the boundaries are. This morning, they learned. Don't underestimate the importance of that.

Anger is an emotion, everyone feels it from time to time. You didn't hurt anyone, there are no lasting consequences. Don't focus on what happened but on how you want to make mornings run more smoothly.

As an aside, I hate the US early mornings at school - my niece and nephew start high school BEFORE 7am. No 15-year-olds should be doing that!

I've definitely done similar over the years. Sometimes something like this is the only way children will actually reflect on their behaviour though - it's a natural consequence of how much they've pushed your buttons.
We don't always act in the most ideal way when we're stressed, but we're only human.

They were dicking about. Not listening. Ignoring your instruction and missed the school bus, inconveniencing you and stressing you out.
You acted cross with them. Thats appropriate.

I don't think you need a guilt trip from them either about being frightened because you threw their bags at the door.
Its ok to be cross at your kids and tell them off.

@WithOnlyTheMemories

Yes I totally agree the early mornings are ridiculous and it doesn't show an improvement in the education of the kids here! In fact our state (Idaho) ranks LAST in education. FFS

I feel like I need to apologize to them again, because it did upset them to see me lose my temper

You've already apologised profusely.

Don't overkill it or they may learn to play on your guilt in other situations.

They're old enough to know they pushed you to the limit and they also acted very badly.

@Branleuse

Yea my oldest one is a champion at putting me on a guilt trip.

He was like, 'But Mommy, the way you LOOKED at us!'

Very dramatic. I did give them a death stare haha

Can you all go to bed half an hour earlier, so it’s easier to wake up early in the mornings?