To think I parented very poorly this morning

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

My kids, 6&8 missed the bus because of fighting in the bathroom while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. This is an ongoing issue, they always fight while brushing their teeth.

The bus only waits for a few seconds and I was yelling at them to hurry and it was right outside our house, they missed it by seconds. I threw their school bags to the floor, slammed the door and snapped at them.

I feel like shit. The kids were so sad as I drove them to school, said I scared them by throwing the bags. I don't usually overreact like that.

I apologized profusely and plan on chatting with them when they get home but I feel like the worst mum in the world.

I'm open to any and all comments re this. My Mum used to act the same way and I hated it and thought I'd be different.

@Myjobisridiculous

Thank you for these suggestions. We do have a visual timer. I never thought of using it in the bathroom. The whistle sounds very satisfying. Might have to forgo so I don't wake up toddler.

You make a good point about choosing breakfast. I spend too much time waiting for them to decide

I totally agree - they need to learn when enough enough.

I hope they apologized profusely too?

They need to be ready 10 mins before the bus arrives and at those ages they should be supervised to make sirw they’re brushing their teeth properly.

Thank you everyone for being so kind. It's making me feel better to hear that other people have felt the same way. I definitely have some concrete plans to make the morning run smoother. Plan on taking to the DC's when they get home and we are all calmer. Hopefully we can avoid this particular situation in future.

I feel like I need to apologize to them again, because it did upset them to see me lose my temper

@SallyD00lally

They did apologize, but it was after I had explained to them while we were driving what it was that upset me and what each of their role in the problem was.

I do remember when mine were that age and would mess around when supposed to be getting ready for school. It was very difficult.

At primary school level mine didn't have a bus to catch (they did for secondary school). But if they were messing around sufficiently to make us late I would bring in a bag and begin putting their school clothes into it, saying that if they didn't get ready RIGHT NOW then I would take them to school in their pyjamas and they could change into their uniform there. It worked. They knew I absolutely would have done that. I'd also have done it if they looked likely to miss the bus too.

@Septemberisthenewyear

You're totally right. I have gotten a bit lax in supervising as they always get a good report at the dentist. But this morning the younger one didn't actually brush! He told me that while we were driving. Too busy fighting. So it's clear I need to separate and supervise and also get up earlier to allow a bigger margin for delays.

it doesn’t do them any harm to see mum annoyed at their behaviour sometimes. I’d apologise if I scared them (not profusely) but make it clear it was because they have been told multiple times about fighting when brushing teeth. I’d wake them 15 mins earlier now, with a rota for teeth cleaning and to be ready by door 10 mins early.

@Topseyt123

Hahaha I love it. Unfortunately as we live in the US, no uniforms and I could swear some of the kids actually do wear pj's to school. I'm British and I do miss uniforms! Anyway if I sent them in PJs they would honestly blend in with what some of the kids do wear daily!

With my 2 - AuDHD 7 year old twins - I had to start getting us all up earlier, keeping them separated when it comes to brushing teeth and getting dressed (I do Twin 2, then Twin 1; I have to 'support' them still with getting dressed as Twin 1 gets confused and puts everything on the wrong way round and Twin 2 just dicks about!).
A bit of extra time and slowing down the getting ready means we are all a bit calmer and school mornings were no longer so fraught.
We are back tomorrow after the summer hols, so hoping it goes smoothly!

@BengalBangle

We have been back for 3 weeks now so I would have thought they would have gotten the hang of things!

It happens mornings are stressful don't beat yourself up maybe set up a bathroom rotà

No judgement at all but perhaps try to allow more time in the morning, growing up my mum would always wake us last minute and we’d all be running around in a rush to get ready and out the door, as I got older I woke myself and allowed myself plenty of time to get up, ready and still had time to relax before leaving, not only did it help my mind but also concentration

@BengalBangle

Hope you have a good first day back

I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself. So they were mucking about, missed the bus and you lost your shit. It happens. If you scared them so be it, more likely they knew it was all their fault in the first place. By all means talk to them about it, but ultimately none of this would have happened if they'd done as they were told in the first place! So apologise for scaring them (if you did, I suspect they sobered up quickly this morning because they knew they'd crossed a boundary) but they should acknowledge their part in WHY you lost it.

Very good idea to put plans in place to stop a re-occurrence. Mornings were nearly always a nightmare in our house on school days, it was always a real rush and constant chivvying no matter how early I started. I don't know what happens to time in the morning!! How other families succeed in all being perfectly turned out, mums with hair and makeup looking immaculate and on time used to amaze me. I used to do all the getting everything ready the night before but there was almost always a hiccup in the morning...

Mine always muck about doing teeth together. Drives me mad and I have shouted too!

@andanotherproblem

I do tend to be 'that mum' that's always frazzled and running late. Thanks for the reminder that it does impact the kids. I can choose to change

I think it’s okay very occasionally to express to them they have had enough. They need to understand limits in a loving home. Yes you can refine the changes but ultimately everyone has a biting point, even you. I am not sure they were scared, more likely shocked.

get them up a hour earlier.

@CrotchetyQuaver

Thanks for the balanced reply. Will be chatting with them today and they do need to accept responsibility as well. However there are things I could put in place to make things more calm

You're human! They were playing up. Don't worry we've all been there.

@ComfortFoodCafe they already wake up at 6:40. Bus comes at 7:20.

Omg @HuckleberryBlackcurrant Thats only 40 minutes to get two kids up, ready, fed and out of the house!
The more organised you are, the calmer it will be

Ime less of an audience to 'bad' behaviour leads to quicker 'good' behaviour.

When they get a bit older first one ready can have the front seat..
My ds's 21 and 24 revert to small dc when having disputes at times.
Trust me it's easier when they are small.