To think I parented very poorly this morning

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

My kids, 6&8 missed the bus because of fighting in the bathroom while they were supposed to be brushing their teeth. This is an ongoing issue, they always fight while brushing their teeth.

The bus only waits for a few seconds and I was yelling at them to hurry and it was right outside our house, they missed it by seconds. I threw their school bags to the floor, slammed the door and snapped at them.

I feel like shit. The kids were so sad as I drove them to school, said I scared them by throwing the bags. I don't usually overreact like that.

I apologized profusely and plan on chatting with them when they get home but I feel like the worst mum in the world.

I'm open to any and all comments re this. My Mum used to act the same way and I hated it and thought I'd be different.

Before I even read what happened, I came on to say “give yourself a break” and you should! You weren’t that bad and I know it feels horrible but you are human, they will live and it’s been a very long, trying, summer x

Gerrra. Grip. You are the parent. You are in charge. Give them boundaries!

I’m not sure how to respond to the poll as it isn’t clear whether it is AIBU for getting upset with the children or AIBU for thinking you are a bad parent.

It sounds like this is a Groundhog Day experience and you’ve just snapped when this had consequences. I actually would not have apologised for this one as children need to learn that actions have consequences. I do think you need to try and put some strategy in place though to avoid the disagreements if you can. Maybe one of them can brush teeth downstairs at the kitchen sink?

Don't feel shit. It happens to the best of us. My children reminded me of time I "really shouted" at the table once because of the noise. It's only now I (and them, following explanation) realise I was early menopause. Its just one of those moments. You apologised and will explain. Hopefully they will get better with time. X

I hope they also apologised for fighting and causing themselves to miss the bus and make you have to drive them to school. Holding a little sadness briefly, isn't a bad thing, it's a learning experience. Every one is allowed to make mistakes including you. They were being annoying in a way they've been before - that's partly their own responsibility isn't it? Throwing bags isn't dangerous to anyone. I'd ask them to think up solutions for tomorrow; - hopefully they'll think of taking turns to clean teeth or agree not to fight. If they don't, suggest it
Now give yourself y treat. X

Children understand emotion. You were angry due to their behaviour. You didn’t hit or abuse them. You just expressed your frustration. Hopefully they learned something from it. Don’t hand all the power from this lesson to them by grovelling. A simple ‘I’m sorry I was so angry. Please do better in future and I won’t have a reason to behave like that again’. Don’t beat yourself up about it.

Oh gosh, doesn't sound that bad! You didn't shout, you didn't throw the bags at THEM! You just lost it for a moment. The might not be used to it but they wont be damaged for life. Give yourself a break.
Speaking as someone who always cut things fine, reduce the chance of this happening again by allowing more time in future

Go easy on yourself, you're only human too

No one is a perfect parent. Key is to apologise for losing your cool, discuss why that happened (squabbling, missing bus etc)
Put plans in to change the stalemate - brushing separately? Using one of those toothbrushing is fun apps (although you might not want screens)
Refocus the energy so they aren't bickering. Everyone resumes happy days

I get what you’re saying. I grew up with a very reactive mother and spent my time treading on eggshells and never wanted to be like that with DD. Have I been reactive at times - yes. Have I beaten myself up about it - probably too much. The most important thing is to take ownership of the behaviour and talk
about it and apologise rather than just pretending it didn’t happen. We’re all human and we all have our moments, so as long as they are moments and not part of daily life try to be kind to yourself. We are all works in progress and as long as we are aware of our faults and work on them then there’s not much more that’s humanly possible that we can do. If a child’s life is filled with love and security and on occasion their mum has a moment because they’re being naughty/not listening etc, then I think that’s a pretty normal childhood tbh.

I think sometimes as parents, we lose our temper a bit. It happens and it’s stressful.
I think like a few comments say, they should brush their teeth separately as it’s an ongoing issue.
I think have a chat with them when they get back, apologise again and explain that you were upset they missed the bus because of arguing. Perhaps say you’re going to try and stay calmer and they should try not to argue while they brush their teeth

Ah mate, don’t beat your self up! Mornings are so stressful.

my kids used to fight bitterly every time they washed up together. The solution was that one washed up in the kitchen alone , then the other went in to dry and put away after they had finished. As they got older they managed it better and could be in the kitchen together unsupervised without ww3 breaking out!

I would dial down on the apologies and self flagellation. It’s you not being firm enough in the first place that led to this escalating. I would say once yes I over reacted but you need to not fight as I had told you not to do and when you don’t follow instructions stuff life this happens.

Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is that you recognized it. Next time you can do things differently. This is the most important lesson you can teach your children.

It went surprisingly well, thank you!
I did have a poor parenting moment, myself, this morning, though:
I got up at 05:30 and found that one of my dogs had pooed in lounge. I said (too loudly, apparently) "Oh, FFS!" and I heard Twin 2's sweet little voice, asking "Mummy, are you okay?". So, had to apologise for using adult words and deal with dog faecal...before 6am. 😭😂
Hope things are okay your end!

The key is to repair rather than ruminate over your outburst. You can talk to them about it, acknowledging that it wasn’t ideal but without grovelling. It’s very normal to revert to the way we were parented when stressed. It might help to figure out a way to minimise arguments in the morning and also to remind yourself that mornings don’t have to be perfect. What was the meme? ‘You can have a good morning or you can get yoir kids to school on time; you can’t have both.’ 😅

**

I have always had both happy mornings and been on time, but it does mean getting up much earlier and being organised.

I think mornings can be hellish but then you forget about them until it’s a hellish mornifn again. Sit them down tonight and chat about it and agree a plan for making them less bad.
perhaps you could have something like cartoon time that starts as soon as they finish getting ready to encourage them
to go as quick as possible so they get more cartoon time (not that cartoons are great for the brain before school but you know your kids and can think do something else motivating!)

Tough, they really upset you - they need to learn.