Furious with DP over money - but AIBU because he’s “stressed”

[NeedyJoker]

My DP is going through some stressful life events at the moment. His child’s mother has decided to move abroad and DSD is with us. She’s obviously upset but she loves being here and we love her being here too.

DP is woeful with money. He regularly spends all his wages on hobbies, takeaways etc. recently I’ve had to pay the mortgage alone. He just wastes it.

Anyway, he’s not been paid in full for July as he took unpaid leave. He got about £1000 and I didn’t see a penny of it. Spent on shit.

I’ve paid for food, DSD nursery, bills, mortgage, dinners out for us, days out for DSD, a weekend away (already booked before all this) with DP and DSD. I’ve spent thousands in July. This was with the understanding that August pay would be back to normal for him.

He told me he’d get his pay check in full today.

He received £350 only.

I said what are we going to do this month? He said, well the same as last month.

I am furious. I will now have to use my savings, and pay for everything again.

DP has said I’ve “got an attitude”, and that my tone was “kicking him when he’s down” when everything’s going on for him.

He said I need to “pick my moments to bring it up”, as it’s pulled him right back down into depression.

He said he doesn’t have time to do his hobby now as he’s struggling financially. He said he thought I didn’t care about money - I don’t, but I’m not a bank?

He is stressed, I get it. But some forethought would help!

He’s sponging off you and using his DD as collateral. I feel so sorry for his DD as you seem to be the only responsible adult in her life.

You are using his daughter becoming upset as an excuse to avoid dealing with your life. What incentive does he have to step up and pay his share you are doing the childcare and paid for everything last month and will continue to while he free loads. Do yourself a favour and get him out of your home

When and why did you decide to financially sponsor this manipulative stoner?

It's it what you wanted from life? Doubt it.

As for still seeing his daughter, pretty sure he'll happily still use you as a babysitter if you do split.

Cut him off.

Poor little girl. You can leave him and offer to stay in contact with her, a few hours a week or whatever feels appropriate. He’s taking the piss and is a shit father as well

Bloody hell, OP. He’s got you right where he wants you. Funding his lifestyle and caring for his child whilst he fucks off to his hobbies and smokes weed. If you dare to question him then he immediately shuts you down.

Where is his child’s mother in all of this? Is she paying child support which he is also pocketing or has she just cleared off and left him to it?

I can see that it’s hard for you because of the child but please don’t piss your life and your money away on this absolute waster.

Why are you still with him?

Chuck him out, he and his dd can move in with his parents.

What's he so stressed out about?
Is all this because his ex moved abroad leaving him with the daughter?

I can understand it would be stressful and upsetting to deal with an upset daughter, but is he just moping about because he feels hard done by in some way due to this or are there other things going on?

Not sure what you want us to say about this? You picked him I guess…

So has he just been skipping out on work taking unpaid leave in the month of July and again now too in the month of August? Why has he been paid so little and why are you allowing him to leach off you and get away with it? It doesn’t sound like you’re married to him so why are you putting up with this?

I have a lot of questions. I can’t get my head around what drives women to financially support a grown ass man that they are not married to and have no kids with. What keeps them there in that situation, is it desperation? I’m not trying to be mean here OP but why are you in this mess really?

Lucky for him your wages cover everything! What a luxury to be able to "have a hard time" (looking after his own child?) and have someone just pick the pieces up.

On a side note, I'm appalled the mother of your step daughter has moved abroad without her?! Thought you were going to say she was a teen / young adult, but she's still in nursery 😥I want to scoop her up myself. The poor dear has two absolutely awful, selfish, inadequate parents.

Come on @NeedyJoker WTF are you doing with him?

His poor daughter. Basically abandoned by both parents to your care.

Seriously, wtf are you doing? You're with a waster who can't even put you before weed. Don't let him guilt trip you. Get out of there.

Are you married? If not she’s not your stepdaughter. I’m only saying this because you seem to have taken on A LOT of responsibility for HIS DD. She’s still in nursery so I’m assuming you haven’t been together long. Get rid and tell him to step up and start taking responsibility for his child!

Adopt her, if you love her. The parents are both clearly twats who aren't interested. Ditch the useless father off, so he can "feel stressed" or whatever without darkening your doorstep.

Please read all these comments- he's got a message ticket with you. Who's on the mortgage,BTW?

Adopt her, if you love her. The parents are both clearly twats who aren't interested. Ditch the useless father off, so he can "feel stressed" or whatever without darkening your doorstep.

his not your husband
that’s not your child
your Bein taken for a ride
you deserve better
move out
save your money
get your pride back
find a decent man
have your own chid with said man
be happy
never look back!

Does he look like Brad Pitt in his absolute prime?
Thats the only explanation I can think of…

Not her kid and not her prob
men like that quickly find a woman to raise there kid
these women fall for it every-time🙄

Why are you with him? Super desperate or no self esteem? You’d be better off being those things single with your thousands per month still in your pocket rather than funding his drug habit.
The worst of this is that his 6 year old’s mum has fucked off abroad and not only has he lied to you about how much he’s worked over the summer holidays, he’s avoided spending any time with the poor child by packing her off to holiday club whilst you foot the bill!! What a completely useless cunt in every aspect.

Stop being a people pleaser
you need to put you first
At the end of day remember she has her own mum.

You don't need a degree in rocket science to work out where his money is going. Drugs. He is a drug addict. Kick him out. I feel very sorry for his daughter but she has another parent.

As is always the case when a woman takes on a man with kids of his own. I’d never do it and hope my kids don’t. Step family’s are bloody messy

Shes a people pleaser. Needs to move out, find a good man and have her own kid with that man. No way should she pay for that cock lodged and a child that isnt hers 😡

Why has she got to speak to the child’s mum? The dad needs to step up or speak to the mother if his own child. I never get these step family set ups were the woman goes out of her way to raise and pay for another woman’s kids and gets s**t for it

Yep. He saw her coming