Friend annoyed I said I can’t

[whitestarline]

I’m currently unemployed after losing my position as a nanny due to the family moving. I managed off some redundancy for a while and have since signed on to universal credit.
The past few weeks I have been really down after no luck finding another job yet and when my friend asked me to go for a walk this afternoon I said yes to get out of the house.

She mentioned her birthday coming up later in the month which I knew about as we’re very close and she said about going for drinks. I told her I can’t because of my financial situation and she got a bit fussy about it asking me “well won’t you have UC money” and “can’t you ask your parents”.

My parents rent and they haven’t got 2 pennies to rub together. Her reaction then spiralled to guilting me if I wanted to be there I’d figure it out. I can’t. I’m eating multipacks of noodles across the week am using sanitary products longer than I should to stretch it out. I’m at my wits end with unemployment.

AIBU to not spend my UC on her birthday? She has helped me a lot in the past and now I’m questioning myself if I should just make the sacrifice for her.

No one is saying that. But you are tone deaf as you clearly get more in benefits because you have 3 kids and for some reason think OP can cope on the pittance she gets as a single young person.

And seeing as you are being judgemental about OP, then I will ask.. where is your kid's dad? Do you work?

I would have still invited u but told u that the whole evening is on me so that u don’t miss out . & if u get a job then u can invite me out somewhere . Your friends reaction is annoying & self centred .

and the Gold Medal for the Drama-Llama Stretch goes to you!

Congrat.

I went to my friend's birthday the other day. He's a good friend and knows we're not well off. He paid for everything...and would have driven us there too if we'd asked. If she's your friend then she wouldn't expect you to pay, knowing you are living off UC and scraping by.

I dont get what you saying at all. Have a day of 👍

Absolutely nobody has said that here.

However the point being made is that it's easier for one adult and 3 children to live on a minimum of a little shy of £1000 per month (ignoring any housing element, and assuming your children are young enough that you only get the UC allowance for 2) than it is for one person to live on £316, especially if you're over 25 as then your personal allowance goes up another £80 or so compared to under 25.

Lighting & heating will cost little more in units, standing charges are the same for 1 or 4 people, council tax would be the same (assuming the single person discount). Water and food are probably the only bills significantly larger with more people, and not a direct multiple because a) 3 of yours are likely to eat a bit less being children and b) you can have the advantages of scale.

We certainly aren't suggesting you're having it easy by any means, but you aren't nearly as badly off as a single person under 25 would be with no other income.

Can I ask if you are ok? You have been a complete and utter bullying bitch on this post, to the OP, to other posters. It's so unnecessary. If you don't like a post then scroll on, or pop your tuppence worth in and then just leave. You have posted many many many times, mostly making shit up and that your version of events and your way of dealing with it is the only way. Maybe you should step away from the Internet and take a good hard look at yourself and examine why you feel the need to react in this way 👍🏻

If she was a decent friend she should know venous round for a meal not just for her birthday but to help you out . If I was in her situation and could afford it I’d be helping you buying your food shop etc when I could . Could you not suggest she comes to you and you watch a film on the tv if you felt up to it

This

This

Really?

If she was a good friend, she would be going out of her way to do something so you could be there. I had my hen night at home because I had 2 friends in your situation. I laid on a buffet meal and alcohol and we had a lovely girlie evening. It was so much more important to me to share it with my closest friends than to go somewhere crowded, get drunk and chatted up by arseholes. It might have been a knee kerk reaction on her part and i hope after her initial disappointment she will show more understanding. Could you maybe earn some money dog walking or babysitting in the meantime?

A decent friend with a bit about them would say “OK, no worries, tidy your house and dress up”, we are celebrating at yours and I will cover a takeaway and booze.
Gently for you, your parents money beliefs and financial situation should not become yours. Decide to retrain (adult education classes start this month and you should get access whilst on UC). That will start the process to get back on your feet. If you can’t get a job nannying, work in McDonald’s or anywhere until you retrain or skill up. Find a kindly soul at the college to talk through your fears. And remember, no one owes you, but you owe yourself.
Use this situation to turn your life around xx

She isnt being much of a friend is she .
Your barely feeding yourself and cutting costs on sanitary products.
I wonder how she would feel in this difficult situation if the tables where turned.
Dont borrow more money stick to your guns send a card and just say im really sorry i cant make your birthday i hope you can understand im really struggling right now .
If she doesnt understand you have an answer to your friendship x

Eh, insensitivity and selfishness over her birthday party as an adult? Not a necessity. And when her friend is suffering financial struggles and probably depression/anxiety? Humiliation.

The party chick is so wrapped up in having a huge crowd as a foil to her awesomeness and vanity that she cant be concerned with her unemployed friend's situation or feelings.

It's like visiting a seriously ill friend, boisterously blabbing about going on a date with a VIP, yakking on and on from venue to food to entertainment. All the while, sick friend is having difficulty breathing and her pain meds arent working, but she tries to smile anyway. Party friend shows her new bracelet and wishes sick friend could see her gown, but oops, must rush to the spa and hair salon. Ta ta! Uh, thanks for visiting?

I wouldn't spend money on an e-mail to such a friend. It's great that others are financially secure and are able to afford things many ppl can't, but true friends are considerate and kind enough not to magnify the obvious or make anyone feel a failure.

Friends don't burden or guilt financially strapped friends into what would be a frivolous, maybe impossibly expensive event without covering costs.

Birthday chick could have handed over cash with an invitation to cover expenses, but that would be ridiculous when the cash would be better spent on dire necessities and debt.

It would be better to take her for a coffee and pastry on another day... if the friendship was worth it.

I said SIGNIFICANTLY more!! And yes, some teenage girls have children as a “career option” - for the free accommodation and money. If you were actually struggling on benefits like the Op, you would be more understanding, but you have 3 children, so I’ll say it again, you get SIGNIFICANTLY MORE!

Oh love, you aren’t unreasonable. I know it feels shit but even just getting her a card is kind given your circumstances.

Please look into foodbanks and also be aware that often library’s have free sanitary ware. Additionally the Aldi with toilets have free sanitary ware and if you go to Morrisons and ask for “a package for Sandy”, they will get you a free period pack. I know it’s hard to do due to pride but when I give to foodbanks etc, it’s exactly to help out people like you who have fallen on tough times.

You can say it a million times , use fancy words and capital letters ..but you still dont get simple maths.

my 4 year old can tell you why 1 person
don’t get the same UC amount as 4 people👍

Sunshine nothing you say is true. 😂

My husband and me work 👍

The jokes on you.

You could say you have the Covid. That’s what I’d do.
i hope things get much better for you soon op

I think the joke may be on YOU saying that.

You have banged on about how the OP should find no problem living on her massive £314 per month for everything, yet you and your husband are both working AND getting child benefit for at least 2 of your children.

Calculating based on one of you working full time minimum wage and one 50% hours also minimum wage, you will be taking home approximately £2.5k per month. Plus the child benefit, and according to you you'll get the low income support element, which you don't get if you aren't working.

You just can't have any concept of life on just over £300 per month, as your monthly income is heading for double that per person from salary alone let alone benefits, and the advantages of 3 of those people being children and the economies of scale you get being a family. And that's assuming minimum wage only for both yourself & your husband and one of you working part time.

Are people still using the covid excuse?
Just say no to your selfishly rude friend.
Clearly she doesn't have any consideration for the situation.

When I was really broke, my best friend and her mum used to let me do their ironing, its a tadk I dont mind and i did at their houses so it was sociable. They gave me dinner or snacks.
Then when we went out, they paid for me.

I really don’t like that. I couldn’t do it to someone.
I’d feed any friend but couldn’t have them skivvying in return