Friend annoyed I said I can’t

[whitestarline]

I’m currently unemployed after losing my position as a nanny due to the family moving. I managed off some redundancy for a while and have since signed on to universal credit.
The past few weeks I have been really down after no luck finding another job yet and when my friend asked me to go for a walk this afternoon I said yes to get out of the house.

She mentioned her birthday coming up later in the month which I knew about as we’re very close and she said about going for drinks. I told her I can’t because of my financial situation and she got a bit fussy about it asking me “well won’t you have UC money” and “can’t you ask your parents”.

My parents rent and they haven’t got 2 pennies to rub together. Her reaction then spiralled to guilting me if I wanted to be there I’d figure it out. I can’t. I’m eating multipacks of noodles across the week am using sanitary products longer than I should to stretch it out. I’m at my wits end with unemployment.

AIBU to not spend my UC on her birthday? She has helped me a lot in the past and now I’m questioning myself if I should just make the sacrifice for her.

Thank you to all the kind comments. It seems there’s nasty ones coming in now so I think I will leave the thread there and take on the advice of how to approach my friend with no further updates

@Emmafuller79you alright hen? Imagine piling on to a women’s thread who is maybe feeling a bit down, questioning her spending and attempting but massively failing to give money advice 👋

Your friend is being selfish and unsupportive. YANBU, you can't spend money you don't have. If she really wants you there, why doesn't she offer to pay for your night out? It would cheer you up and you could pay her back once you start working again? I hope you get a new job soon.

This.
If she really wanted OP there, she would shout for a few drinks.. as the birthday girl, people would be buying her drinks anyway. But it seems getting there and back in an expensive issue too, and that is fine and understandable.

Stop judging others.... uc for a mother and 3 kids is alot more than uc for a single person.....

They also likely have debts they took on when they were working and could afford them. What do you expect them to do just not bother paying them.....

Its virtually impossible to survive on single person uc especially when you are used to alot more.

How judgemental you've been

She's a selfish little bitch who doesn't deserve your time. Never gone hungry in her life, that much is clear.

whitestarline can I pm you?

I used to do this, or offer to be the driver (and usually would get soft drinks bought for me). Much rather be social than by myself.

She sounds like a dick. Don’t feel bad OP!!

She doesn’t even have bus fare and you suggest driving people around? Jesus, get in the real
world and think about what being poor with no money actually means. Your suggestions are ridiculous. No most people wouldn’t go to socialise and only drink tap water, how uncomfortable for Op and for what? To celebrate a turd of a friends birthday.

Sorry you are being hounded. - please look into food banks and community pantries to supplement your diet. I remember being broke and hiding from a friend at the door because I couldn’t offer her a cup of tea and having to choose between san towels and toothpaste even at a pound each and the bus fare to the job centre took ten percent of my weekly jobseekers. I always give toiletries to food bank collections as well as obvious. Good luck you will get through this

Not everyone can use them. After my second child something changed somehow and my muscles just seized up around the stupid thing and I’d end up doubled over in pain. If used it fine for years before. I agree they are good if you can use them, but probably a bit expensive for OP to afford at the moment.

She isn’t your friend.

They also need an initial spend of what, £25? Is OP meant to go with no sanpro for months so she can save up?
And I could not use something like that either.

ofcourse a single mum would get more uc then a childless woman.. maths not your strong point? 😂

the nerve of you callin ME judgey 👎🏼

OP is on jobseekers as she is looking for a job... yet you come on here with the bright idea that she needs to.... find a job. I am pretty sure she is already doing that.
What next? Take in ironing?

I do this type of job and tbh it’s hard to be on my feet all day but it pays the bills and I like talking to different customers.

good for you. Why’s it hard for you to be in your feet all day? Do you have a health issue /older person? Genuine question.

I do long hours so by the end of the day I can feel my feet are tired especially if it’s been a busy day, if I have a good night sleep then I’m fine for next shift.

I don’t think maths is your strong point either. You tried to question what op was spending her money on because your a single mum of 3 kids who gets £x and can manage so why can’t single person op who’s on £x manage on what she gets. You are fully aware that you get more money than op does and she has to pay all the same bills as you do on what little money she gets. Stop acting like a such a dick because someone can’t manage on less money than what an adult and 3 kids is getting.

Don't go, Op.

You can't afford it.
Pick your friend some flowers out of strangers' gardens and give her a card.

You will fell terrible if you take loans from your parents and the night out will be a blur in a few months.

Good luck finding work.
Have you any contacts for babysitting or holiday clubs?
Is there a notice board up in your local shop where you can post your business card?

Single people on UC get an absolute pittance that doesn't even cover the basics.

I presume that as someone with 3 kids and a low income, you receive UC. It's much more generous for people with kids.

You've also just made stuff up about OP living with her parents and having money.

You've driven OP off her own thread with your spiteful, unhelpful and illiterate contributions. You are the epitome of judgey and are in absolutely no position to scold other posters.

I think you're a teenager trolling because you have written several unkind posters on this thread all ending with 🙄.

@whitestarline Please ignore this poster who is responsible for 90% of the unkind comments.

100% this! ⬆️