Friend annoyed I said I can’t

[whitestarline]

I’m currently unemployed after losing my position as a nanny due to the family moving. I managed off some redundancy for a while and have since signed on to universal credit.
The past few weeks I have been really down after no luck finding another job yet and when my friend asked me to go for a walk this afternoon I said yes to get out of the house.

She mentioned her birthday coming up later in the month which I knew about as we’re very close and she said about going for drinks. I told her I can’t because of my financial situation and she got a bit fussy about it asking me “well won’t you have UC money” and “can’t you ask your parents”.

My parents rent and they haven’t got 2 pennies to rub together. Her reaction then spiralled to guilting me if I wanted to be there I’d figure it out. I can’t. I’m eating multipacks of noodles across the week am using sanitary products longer than I should to stretch it out. I’m at my wits end with unemployment.

AIBU to not spend my UC on her birthday? She has helped me a lot in the past and now I’m questioning myself if I should just make the sacrifice for her.

How unsurprising to see those comments from that username. I have nicknamed them emmafullershit.

Sorry you’re having a rough time OP. I hope your friend has a bit of self reflection and realises she’s being insensitive

you lost the argument so you think I’m a teen. Your also saying teens are rude. Only rude is you. And your a lier also, 🙄

I didn't have an argument with you. I hope you are a teen because it would be really sad for children to have a mother acting like one. Your only goal is to upset the OP and be rude to posters. I'm all for tough love at times but all your posters are filled with spite.

@Emmafuller79 Read the room, you have offered nothing constructive and are about as welcome on this thread as a fart in a lift. A fart in a lift would probably make more sensible contributions.

@whitestarline I'm sorry you were driven away from your own thread by one individual.

That's no friend OP.

Ermmm did you read it? I was stating that your uc is alot more than hers..... it wasn't a question.

Try going to look after the kids your claiming for instead of Trolling people looking for work on mumsnet.

As a low carbing teetotal, I have spent quite a few evenings nursing one diet lemonade or a water at drinks for colleagues. It's not far fetched.

Im not suggesting she does. I’m saying that’s what I did when someone suggested it was a really sad life to go out and drink water.

And no I’ve never felt uncomfortable going out and drinking water. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with anyone wanting to do that and I’m not going shame anyone for doing it.

Poor you. She doesn’t sound like she has any empathy tbh.

UC is not a lot of money and it barely covers the basics for most people.

A good friend would arrange something at home so that you could go. She’s very selfish.

She really should be more understanding. So few people have a lot of money right now. Even those who are seemingly well paid. It is all relative.

Just to clarify, the amount the OP quoted above for Universal Credit is per MONTH not per week. That has to cover all utilities, travel, insurances, food & household cleaning, clothing, TV license, internet, phone.....

She may get up to her rent covered by UC as well, depending on the local rate & what she needs to pay.

This.

Is that a serious suggestion? A marvellous way to highlight that you're a pov ' Yay, cocktails all round!' ' Oh, not for me, I'll just have a glass of tap water'.
No real friend would put the pressure on like that.

Personally I'd go into my overdraft/ extend my credit card limit for something like this because I think friendships are important and if you don't socialise when you don't have a job, you might not have any friends left when you start working again. I'm also unemployed at the moment and this is what I'm doing.
There's another thread at the moment about someone only seeing their friends a couple of times a year and I imagine that ditching socialising if your income goes down is one of the things that gets people in that position.

Hi op,
I don’t know how old you guys are but I am thinking young because of your friend reaction. It is quite oblivious but then if she doesn’t know what it is…she doesn’t know and will realise when you tell her what you just told us or when she come to living it herself.

I would suggest that you lead the convo with a few idea that won’t cost you a penny but that she will feel celebrated.

-Meeting in a park for a walk
-Invite her at yours to watch her fav movie or fav movie you both guys enjoy and you have
-You can make her a birthday card with whatever you have home already

If she feels close to you and don’t want to not see you on her birthday, I would understand her upset. She would struggle to suggest ideas herself so you will have to do it.

Good luck 👌🏻

And today’s Karen award for completely missing the point of the post and laying into the OP about stuff they never even said, goes to….

Single people on benefits get hardly anything. Having 3 children gets you significantly more in benefits.

I don't drink, so I always drink tap water when out. It's usually with a meal though. I can't see why it's unacceptable, especially when soft drinks are so expensive.

If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Friend should understand that, it’s not difficult.

(As an aside, I always thought it impossible to get a decent nanny, you can certainly get a job in a nursery as a short term measure, they are all desperate for staff)

That's a lot of money to spend on taxis, so I can quite see why you are unable to go. Could your friend perhaps organise transport for you? It's very inconsiderate of her not to have any understanding of your situation.

OP can't afford to get to the venue, or get home again (would need a taxi).

I am sure if OP had an overdraft she could use, or a credit card, she would not be living off dried noodles and making her sanpro go longer than it should.
She also does not know when her finances will get better again.

Socialising with friends does not have to cost a penny, but in this case, OP's friend is wanting a boozy night out and that costs money.

I know the thread you are on about. For me, I only see my best friend 2/3 times a year as I can not afford the £200 train fair to visit her, so I have to wait until she is down my way anyway (when she is visiting family).
But we chat online and game together online too.

Aww lovely, I feel for you. If I had it I would give it you but I’m brassic too. You shouldn’t be put in that situation by a ‘friend’. I would be sending a text explaining how bad your situation really is and although you would love to be there - that money would buy you a weeks shopping. She’s being really inconsiderate, please don’t let her make you feel guilty. You’re not being a bad friend, she is.

seriously? so your saying 1 person on benefits should get the same as a mum & 3 kids (4 people) on benefits ?

learn maths 👍