Friend annoyed I said I can’t

[whitestarline]

I’m currently unemployed after losing my position as a nanny due to the family moving. I managed off some redundancy for a while and have since signed on to universal credit.
The past few weeks I have been really down after no luck finding another job yet and when my friend asked me to go for a walk this afternoon I said yes to get out of the house.

She mentioned her birthday coming up later in the month which I knew about as we’re very close and she said about going for drinks. I told her I can’t because of my financial situation and she got a bit fussy about it asking me “well won’t you have UC money” and “can’t you ask your parents”.

My parents rent and they haven’t got 2 pennies to rub together. Her reaction then spiralled to guilting me if I wanted to be there I’d figure it out. I can’t. I’m eating multipacks of noodles across the week am using sanitary products longer than I should to stretch it out. I’m at my wits end with unemployment.

AIBU to not spend my UC on her birthday? She has helped me a lot in the past and now I’m questioning myself if I should just make the sacrifice for her.

Sounds like you’re having a really hard time and managing it as best you can. I wish you well on the job hunt and really hope you find something soon.

Also hope you have other strong friendships to support you at this time, so this one can quietly fall to the wayside. That’s no way to treat someone in financial difficulty. An actual friend would help and definitely understand that you can’t be spending money you don’t have on birthday parties. I would hate to think of my friends spending cash they really need for necessities on something as trivial as my birthday!

If you were my friend I would offer you the money to come out.
You always find out who the good people are in your life, when the chips are down.
Fingers crossed for you, you'll find a new job, dump an old friend, life is forever changing.

A friend who rudely dismisses your financial position and only thinks of their own wants is not a friend. Don't put yourself into debt for someone who wouldn't do the same for you

She’s no friend

This isn’t a true friend. Remember there are usually food banks etc locally which could help you out with food and toiletries until your benefits are sorted. I hope you get a new job soon.

I nearly always drink tap water when we're out - I don't drink and hate upf so water it is.

Ok guys!
Yes it is wasn't a thought out post
But...
Without the details of logistics I didn't know whether op could eg. walk down to the local/get a lift with someone/get a cheap night bus and stay for a bit maybe just to show her face at her friend's bday. But also friend is being selfish/insensitive so op probably doesn't want to see her anyway.
What I should have said is....
Is there any way you could go but hardly spend any money?

She isn't your friend.

If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it.

Some people genuinely don’t know what it’s like living in the real world.

She sounds incredibly selfish.

If you could afford it I would have suggested a bottle of wine at yours instead but I wouldn’t bother after that attitude.

She not much of a friend. You can't go. She is very inconsiderate

Friends dont behave like that. If you were my friend I would either pay for you to come or accept you can't come.

What an absolute selfish bitch.

Its true what they say. You reallt do find out who your friends are when the chips are down.

Im sorry about your situation OP. Chin up, keep smiling and fingers crossed something comes along soon. Its coming up to Christmas season so some stores may have some temp roles to get you by until you secure something

You shouldn’t feel guilty if you don’t go and she should be more understanding to your situation. Just say that you’ll owe her one when you’re back on your feet.

I hope your luck changes and you find a new job and a better friend very soon x

Ask her which out of your entire food for the week, all your utilities including electricity and water, or your rent she thinks you should do without? I would have said that the first time she moaned about you not going.

But as pp have said, look up food banks in your local area. You probably won't get exactly cordon bleu food but a few free tins of soup, some tinned veg, some pasta, tea bags and/or coffee, some sugar etc can make a change from a multipack of instant noodles.

Your friend is selfish.

It isn’t unreasonable. I would go with tea in a keep cup. But then I don’t drink. And I have no shame.

There was a thread on here the other day about someone’s nanny references not checking out, and their time was running out to find another. If the stars align maybe they are in the same area as you so worth searching that thread, I can’t remember the title I’m afraid though.
Your friend isn’t a true friend, instead of pressuring you to go out or get into debt by borrowing the money they should be understanding and supportive.
I really hope you find something soon x

How old is she?

Birthday drinks starting late at night when the buses have already stopped, makes me inclined to think she’s quite young. Possibly living with her own parents and is in decent financial position? Is this maybe why she’s not understanding to your situation?

I go out frequently and I drink only tap water, purely because I’m not really meant to drink anything else because of issues with my bladder, I can’t even drink some bottled water due to the mineral contents in some

Can you do any other job? There are lots of catering/waitress companies that pay well and you dont need much of experience.

I wonder if your friend doesn't understand how little people on benefits actually get. Like @JLou08 said some people think unemployed people get given a fortune in benefits.

Have you spoken to your friend about the reality of your situation?

I would just ask her to bear with you for the time being. A true friend will understand or indeed pay for your drinks. I know I would.

I’m really sorry you’re going through such a hard time at the minute OP and you have given a more than reasonable explanation to why you can’t come at the moment - a true friend would understand so I’d possibly be rethinking the friendship if she feels it’s appropriate to selfishly push it with you so far when you are obviously going through a rough patch and have been very honest about it!

She sounds immature and unsympathetic, if you were my friend and I knew you couldn’t afford it I would say your drinks are on me as I want you there to celebrate with me

That’s awful of her. So self-absorbed. I’m so sorry that your so-called friend is treating you that way.

As for the poster who suggested you go along and drink tap water all night - beggars belief!