To not want to allow DH any freedom because he takes the piss with it?

[letsmakebiscuits]

Title probably sounds a bit more provocative than intended. But hear me out.

So we have two young kids - age one and four. Obviously they are a lot of work.

Whenever I have them solo DH uses the time to do things he’s obviously wanted to do for a while; fine. Except then he just takes the piss with it. So for example - a couple of weeks ago I took the children to a birthday party in the morning and then another mum suggested we go to soft play. It wasn’t very local so DH was alone from half nine in the morning to four in the afternoon. He still wanted to get his hair cut. Or I’ll take them to the park for a few hours to let DH do something but then he’s wanting to get the car valeted or something.

It gets on my nerves. I think he should use the (ample) time I give him for these tasks. AIBU?

You are displaying 💯% controlling, narcissistic behaviour.

😂

It makes sense to be clearer about kid free time. If he has kids free time then you can agree that when you get home it's your time for kid free time (maybe get out the house if you can). Then if he wants to get his hair cut or sort the car that's fine, but he'll need to take the kids.

Reverse?

Getting the car cleaned isn't something nice for him, and a hair cut is basic grooming.
Why do you take the children out without him when he is free?

Wtf?

Does he take the children solo and allow you free time?

You sound quite controlling . You ‘allow’ or ‘give him time’ to do things.

yeah not suprised he disappears all day tbh . Think I would too !

No. Why would it be a reverse <baffled> - is it really unreasonable to say if you want to get a haircut do it in the eight hours I was out of the house with the kids rather than disappearing as soon as we come back? That’s controlling and narcissistic? 😂

He's getting necessary jobs done whilst the kids are out of the way. What's the problem?

I think the point is that he isn't!

I think it's that he's leaving to do the necessary jobs after OP gets back. In the kid-free time, he's relaxing.

So what does he actually do in the time you are out the house?

It's your OP that isn't that clear. Do you mean he faffs about for 8 hours all to himself, but then as soon as you're back he 'suddenly' remembers an urgent job so he can disappear for even longer?

That he isn’t. It’s in the OP. He doesn’t do them when we’re out, he does them or wants to do them when we come back.

It is as if once we’re gone he thinks his time is just his if you see what I mean and that he can come and go as he pleases. The annoying thing is that if I don’t take the children out alone he’s fine.

I think your post is confusingly written. What you are saying is he waits for you to return with the kids and then he decides it’s time to get his hair cut or whatever, when he could have done this during the time you are out?

In which case yes you may have a point.

It's not in the OP but thanks for the clarification.

What is he doing whilst you are out if he's not getting jobs done?

Yes, pretty much. Sometimes he legitimately has been doing something but then wants more time to do XYZ. Which wouldn’t be a problem but sometimes it’s a bit like -
well can’t it wait until tomorrow and he pulls a face and starts explaining why it must be done now … it’s really frustrating.

If what you are actually saying is he gets lots of alone time and much wants more and you don’t I can see where you are coming from…

So he's lazy. All day to himself, he could have cleaned the car himself in a fraction of that time. I mean you can't disallow another adult anything but you can choose what you're willing to tolerate in a partner.

Yes, it's annoying. It's implicit to me that if one parent takes the kids out to give the other a break, the other parent takes over with the kids once they're back. Not fucks off on errands solo. But my dh does it too, so I've started doing it too now. He's taken them out this morning to soft play, I have cleaning and laundry to do but I've just lazed and had a bath and I'll do my cleaning later.

I'm not sure it's being read correctly, but it's not written well either.

I think the OP takes the DC out for the day and as most of us would thinks during the time she and the DC are out her DH could use that time to what he needs to do then instead of going, out to get his hair cut once she and the DC are back home.

This

bkimey, you’re trying to police what he does in his own time and dictate that he uses it on things you deem acceptable.

totally out of order

I understand what you’re saying OP.
I guess it depends on what tasks he’s working on during the time you and the children are already out. Are they benefitting just him or are they for the family? Im assuming that, as you’re frustrated by it all, that he’s enjoying his child free time on his own leisure and then needing more time to do necessary (haircut) or family (car valet) stuff. This might be fine if you also get some leisure time and he also can manage to take children out on his own (without needing you to pack the bag, book the tickets, get them dressed first).

Yep