Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

You are not loosing out tho...you get your 3 grand savings to spend on something lovely for yourself. You did well to save that amount of money, treat yourself with it to something amazing

The trip is now a lovely treat from your parents for both of their kids.

I don't understand why you feel so bitter about this.

If you feel this resentful towards your brother this is going to be some jolly trip!!!

Really any need to be so rude and it isnt stupid maybe you just disagree which is fine absolutely no need to be rude.

I think you either need to get over this or just not go on the free holiday (as you'll sour it for everyone else with your 'it's not fair' attitude)

You sound like you’re deliberately missing the point, and rude also.

Does anyone but you matter?!

Your parents have offered to pay £3,000 for you to go on holiday but their disappointment doesn’t matter??

Sorry OP, but I think you’ve got it the wrong way round. They knew your brother hadn’t got the money so decided to pay for him. They then realised this wasn’t fair to you, so used your exams as an excuse to also gift you your money back.

I think your frequent references to being their child mean you haven’t quite shifted into being an equal adult in your relationship with your parents. At 26y most adults wouldn’t expect £3000 from their parents for progressing in their career exams - a congratulations card & lunch would be more normal. You’re too old to get money for a good school report!

Just enjoy the trip & put the money into savings for a place of your own.

I'd feel fucked off as well OP. You need to pass your qualifications to be entitled to a free holiday and he has to do fuck all to get one. Thats not fair. Just don't go on holiday with them again. If they had wanted it to cover up for your brother not bothering to save they could've paid for you both and marked your achievement in some other way.

How do you know? Why assume they wouldn't have done the same for you?

Most people don't get £3k gifts from parents for passing exams, so unless it was an agreement in advance that they would give you that money if you passed your exams, you shouldn't be seeing this as some kind of entitlement. Your reward for passing the exams is having the qualifications!

They want the whole family together on a trip, and are willing to pay for it to happen. They probably assumed you think it would be nice to have the whole family together to celebrate too. I can't imagine treating my children differently in terms of holidays or large money gifts just because they have chosen different academic / career routes, whereas you want to be treated as special.

Does anyone else have an entire catalog of reasons already about why the OP’s brother might be the golden child over them?

You don't get to decide that

It isn't a good deed to make your child feel unvalued though, is it?

In her shoes, I wouldn't go, because I'd be upset the whole time at how despite my hard work, I was still less appreciated than the loser of the family.

NOT that I'd expect to be the favourite, but equal favour. A reward for achievement isn't a reward if it's also given to someone for being selfish.

TBH I can’t imagine paying for one child, and not the other. Whatever their circumstances.

I do think this is a golden child situation but I'm not convinced it's the brother who is the golden one. The entitlement and disdain just reeks in this thread.

I know who I'd rather go on holiday with 😂

As I have said.

they stressed over the last year that we must have the money saved. I worked two jobs to do that - if they didn’t intend for us to pay they should have told me I could quit my second job so that I wasn’t burnt out.

Over the course of your life you will be grateful that you have learnt how to be hardworking and how to budget and save. Just cos your brother gets the odd pass now ultimately he will lose out if he doesn’t learn these skills. Be grateful of who you are and feel sad for your brother that he isn’t there yet. Being jealous of him is ludicrous.

Whaaaat???!!!!

Crazy thread.

But you do still have your saved money so you're up on your brother there.

You're 26 years old. You can decide for yourself if you want to work a second job to pay for a holiday. You sound very immature.

He's a man and will pass on the family name???

Does your brother work? And do you both pay rent to your parents?

But they didn't.
So you have to choose to either get over it or not.

Congratulations on passing your exams but surely most parents try to give the same amount to each to their children.
OK your brother hasn’t saved but you now have:

A holiday paid for
Money in the bank (your brother doesn’t)
A good professional qualification (your brother doesn’t)

What I do find a bit strange is both you and your brother, as young adults, wanting to spend a lot of money on a holiday with your parents. This is maybe why your brother didn’t save so hard. Do you not have friends to go on holiday with?

We occasionally treat our adult children and grandchildren to a trip away but I think if they were paying for themselves they wouldn’t come 😀.