Page 34 | Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 2025-08-30T08:53:40+00:00

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip. I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back. They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

Digdongdoo · 30/08/2025 14:39

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:37

They don’t HAVE to. They chose to, because he’s a lazy man who couldn’t be bothered to save.

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You really need to get out on your own. It's not healthy to be seething like this about your family members.
Go get a room in a shared house or something and grow up.

Vivi0 · 30/08/2025 14:39

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:23

It’s not about that - it’s about him being rewarded for not doing the one thing he was told to do. It’s unfair.

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Being “rewarded”?

I think you need to remember that you and your brother are both adults, and that the entire reward/punishment technique no longer applies.

BurlyShriggs · 30/08/2025 14:39

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:37

They don’t HAVE to. They chose to, because he’s a lazy man who couldn’t be bothered to save.

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So really your righteous anger should be directed at your parents who failed to uphold the rules they set. And perhaps expressed by choosing not to go on holiday with them. 🤷‍♀️

OneMoreProfiterole · 30/08/2025 14:40

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:19

Fuck knows - I’ve just bought my own travel money but he hasn’t “got round” to it yet. Says he’ll just use his card while there, but he’ll probably forget that. It’s too late for him to go and buy Euros or a travel card, and he refuses to use Apple Pay. So yes I’ll probably end up paying for some of his meals etc.

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Yeah, he’s skint and as sure as night follows day someone else will be paying for him. Do not let it be you.
And I mean this in the nicest way… he doesn’t trust Apple Pay? Of course he doesn’t!! What 25 year old doesn’t use Apple Pay?!! That’s lying bollocks!!

BackToLurk · 30/08/2025 14:41

pinkstripeycat · 30/08/2025 14:34

Why are there SO many people on here who just don’t get it?

OP was given the free trip as a reward for passing exams.

OPs brother was given a free trip for nothing.

So?

ThatGreatMember · 30/08/2025 14:41

Is this a world record for the most 'its so unfair' in a thread?

Mumofferal3 · 30/08/2025 14:41

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 10:11

Yeah because my spoilt brat brother gets to crow about getting it for free while I worked hard to save and it was for no reason

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If you are so principled and don't agree with it. And it sounds like you cannot stand your brother.
It is simple, don't go. Make a trip of your own.

Nothankyov · 30/08/2025 14:42

@FamilyHolidayTroubles - so I haven’t read all the posts (as they are quite a few) but this is my take.
you obviously have no kids - as a parent I would find it difficult to gift a holiday to one and not another especially if they were all coming
yes - you passed your exams and they are hard (but kindly) those exams are for you and the future you are building for yourself. Congratulations- you should be proud. Whilst it’s nice they said it’s a gift to celebrate that the reality is it’s not something they have to do.
you keep saying it’s unfair because your brother is irresponsible- maybe from your point of view (and I get it - I’m treated very differently than my brother e.g recently I was told I don’t need to inherent my parents house as I have so well for myself and my brother hasn’t). So whilst it may look to you like it’s unfair from your parents point of you they are make it equal under different guises
it sounds to me (again kindly) that there is so resentment towards your brother and parents towards the relationship they have. My advise - You have to let it go. You will never be able to change it. Focus on your life and achieving your goals and control what you can and let go of what you can’t!

sarah419 · 30/08/2025 14:42

why wouldn’t you want the same thing for your brother?? what a horrible sister

Emmz1510 · 30/08/2025 14:42

I sort of get where you are coming from. You worked hard to save. He did nothing. Your parents said they would gift you the trip as a treat for passing your exams. It now feels like less of a special gift because your brother isn’t having to pay either and I suppose it lessens in your mind the value of hard work and sacrifice.
Why do you say that if you hadn’t saved you just wouldn’t be coming? Do you not think they will still have gifted it because of your exams? Because if not then yes it does sound like a bit of a golden child situation.
Either way, you are getting a free holiday and you have a ton of money to do with as you please either on the the holiday or however you please or both. However, I bet any money you’ll be using your saved money to enjoy things on the trip (and hopefully treat your parents to some meals out and activities?)while your brother mooches off his parents some more? You’re going to have to swallow a lot of resentment I think

Laxonaweekend · 30/08/2025 14:43

I’d be so gutted if my 26 year old daughter was behaving like this.

Id feel also very bleak about the prospects of her having an even remotely happy life

SomeOfTheTrouble · 30/08/2025 14:44

I actually think it’s a bit weird that you’d rather go on your own with your parents without having your brother there for company. Won’t you feel a bit ‘third wheel’?

Amberjane41 · 30/08/2025 14:44

Mumofferal3 · 30/08/2025 14:41

If you are so principled and don't agree with it. And it sounds like you cannot stand your brother.
It is simple, don't go. Make a trip of your own.

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Or go along and be horrible and miserable and ruin everyone's holiday as that sounds like what you are planning to do anyway. Is that what you wanted to hear?

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 30/08/2025 14:45

SirBasil · 30/08/2025 13:15

do you have grown up DC? are they like OP and her brother?

if not, you might want to read what many pp have said about what is "fair" and what parents want for their children.

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I had a sibling who had a much easier ride than I did in terms of reponsbility, it didn't really work out in their favour in the long run that's all I say.

You might want the best for both your kids, but instilling hard work in one while giving the other an easy time? The end result in that they both get a holiday is fair enough. Day to day I wouldn't call it equal treatment though.

What I'm saying, the OP feels how she feels, but she needs to try and rise above it, work hard, move out and live well. If he continues the lazy life it won't work out in his favour in the long run.

Myhairissopoofy · 30/08/2025 14:46

BackToLurk · 30/08/2025 14:41

So?

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They’re both very lucky then, aren’t they.

The OP is being incredibly ungrateful and petulant.

FrogFalacy · 30/08/2025 14:46

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:33

why should it matter though when they had one condition? We had to save. He hasn’t saved, he broke the rules and so he doesn’t get to come.

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Op your parents have broken the rules twice by paying for you and brother. It was their rules to make you both pay. How dare they change them and gift you both holidays. It’s simply not how rules work.

I think they should be punished twice:

Firstly don’t go on holiday and deprive them of your company on holiday so they definitely won’t enjoy it

Secondly move out of the house so they will be thrown into abject poverty by not getting your £20 a week keep

They will soon learn not to break rules!

Original poster

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:46

SomeOfTheTrouble · 30/08/2025 14:44

I actually think it’s a bit weird that you’d rather go on your own with your parents without having your brother there for company. Won’t you feel a bit ‘third wheel’?

Not particularly- my dad and I get on really well.

as it goes, he’s bought me tickets to a sporting event I was desperate to go to while we’re away. He’s said we shouldn’t say anything about my brother going to “keep mum happy” (🙄🙄🙄🙄) but agrees it’s incredibly unfair

OP posts:

Vivi0 · 30/08/2025 14:47

Laxonaweekend · 30/08/2025 14:43

I’d be so gutted if my 26 year old daughter was behaving like this.

Id feel also very bleak about the prospects of her having an even remotely happy life

I agree.

I’d be devastated if this was one of my sons. His ability to experience peace and happiness in life would be such a worry.

Original poster

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:48

MummBRaaarrrTheEverLeaking · 30/08/2025 14:45

I had a sibling who had a much easier ride than I did in terms of reponsbility, it didn't really work out in their favour in the long run that's all I say.

You might want the best for both your kids, but instilling hard work in one while giving the other an easy time? The end result in that they both get a holiday is fair enough. Day to day I wouldn't call it equal treatment though.

What I'm saying, the OP feels how she feels, but she needs to try and rise above it, work hard, move out and live well. If he continues the lazy life it won't work out in his favour in the long run.

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I think this is what people are ignoring because they can only see the value of the trip. It’s not fair to expect one sibling to work themselves to the bone while the other can just bail on shifts and not even have an eyebrows raised

OP posts:

FrogFalacy · 30/08/2025 14:48

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:46

Not particularly- my dad and I get on really well.

as it goes, he’s bought me tickets to a sporting event I was desperate to go to while we’re away. He’s said we shouldn’t say anything about my brother going to “keep mum happy” (🙄🙄🙄🙄) but agrees it’s incredibly unfair

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Omg your father has suggested lying! That is the highest order of rule breaking and incredibly unfair to all involved.

I think you must burn those tickets to teach father a lesson

Original poster

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:48

Vivi0 · 30/08/2025 14:47

I agree.

I’d be devastated if this was one of my sons. His ability to experience peace and happiness in life would be such a worry.

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Ironically I’m incredibly happy.

OP posts:

SpryUmberZebra · 30/08/2025 14:48

Comedycook · 30/08/2025 09:58

Yabu. It's irrelevant. They're paying for you both. There's nothing else to think about.

I think it’s more about the history of her parents favouring her brother. As she said if she was in the position where she said she hasn’t saved they would tell her tough luck maybe next time but when its her brother they would offer to pay for him and it seems he knows that why he didn’t bother to save.

@FamilyHolidayTroubles People are fixating on just this trip and saying it’s appreciate the free vacation rather than the bigger picture and history of how they treat their kids differently. Unfortunately you can’t change them so it’s up to you to manage your expectations and go with it or if it bothers you too much keep your distance.

It’s also not a reward for her accomplish if they are also paying for him, they should just say they are paying for both of them simple not spin it like they are rewarding her meanwhile they are also paying for her brother because he hasn’t saved.

Original poster

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:49

FrogFalacy · 30/08/2025 14:48

Omg your father has suggested lying! That is the highest order of rule breaking and incredibly unfair to all involved.

I think you must burn those tickets to teach father a lesson

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You sound insufferable to be honest

OP posts:

Digdongdoo · 30/08/2025 14:49

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 14:48

I think this is what people are ignoring because they can only see the value of the trip. It’s not fair to expect one sibling to work themselves to the bone while the other can just bail on shifts and not even have an eyebrows raised

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You've also said your brother works nights and weekends and travels a lot, and earns more than you. I'm not convinced he's as lazy as you imply. You're just a jealous snob.

YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 30/08/2025 14:49

This thread is absolutely mad.

When my sister and I were late teens/early 20s our parents said we had to save £1000 to go on a holiday. It turned out they never expected us to pay, they were just encouraging us to save. I saved, my sister didn't. When they announced they were actually paying, I was overjoyed that I got to keep my £1000. It didn't cross my mind to be angry that my sister was getting a free holiday for not saving! You need to reframe your thinking.

Also if working two jobs was making you depressed and so stressed that your hair was falling out, did it not cross your mind to maybe stop working so much and just not go on the holiday?