Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

Okay? That’s not my problem

I genuinely think that your parents have no obligation to be fair. And while you are belly aching about things being even, you are missing how generous they have been. And I think it is rude of you to have so little respect for them you feel you should have the final say in how they spend their money.

Yes because them making us homeless is the answer! Housing isn’t cheap anymore, you need to realise that.

I think you have no choice over what they spend their money on. The only choice you have is whether to go on the holiday or not.

Of course they need to be fair.

Why?

What would you like people to say to help, OP? You have not been punished. Your parents offered to pay for your trip as a reward for passing your exams. They are doing so. There is no punishment in that. Separately, they have also decided to gift your brother a present of the holiday. Is it unfair that your gift was given in exchange for an achievement and he gets gifts just because he's the golden child? Yes, it is massively unfair. So is life. So is the law. So is at least one element of every single job you will ever have. You can be pissed off about it, but it uses up an extreme amount of energy to sustain that. So, whilst recognising the unfairness of the situation, what will actually make life better? The unfairness bit will never change. You say you get on well with both your brother and your parents, so going no contact will hurt all of you. What can you do to limit the impact of their behaviour? Stop accepting financial favours? Do it all on your own?

In terms of the holiday, you can go and enjoy it with the people you say you get on with, or you can decline and go on your own holiday, which you can afford to pay for yourself.

Are you hard-of-reading? She's saying you should be HAPPY you've got £3k you didn't expect to have.

Yep, called him an "entitled prick" in one post....

And they have been. They have paid for both of you!!! You are literally just arguing with yourself now

Do you both pay rent? Sorry if I've missed that

For you it’s not about that. But for your parents it’s about having the holiday they want and can afford.

You just spent 3 years training to be a solicitor. Surely you learned how to see things from multiple points of view. Stop being so blinkered.

This reminds me of another post that was equally incredibly unfair.

An adult sister watched her adult brother get bought a free meal at a restaurant by her parents. She too got a free meal, but she deserved it and he did not as she had money in her pocket and he didn’t.

Her parents did nothing. She knew brother had somehow caused this. (Likely he’d been stealing food at home too and committing fraud.)

It was incredibly unfair!

She went NC and lived a very happy life from the parents’ basement with meal service and free internet access to tell everyone of this awful injustice.

Have you thought for one second what your parents might want?
All you have done is think "me me me me me me me"

Your parents have saved (far more than you might I add, and sacrificed far more too).
They clearly want to treat you both and enjoy a holiday. And it's clearly important to them that your brother is part of that and there to spend time with too.

And your behaviour is doing nothing but spoiling that for them.

What about them? Why can't they have the nice family holiday they have saved so diligently for?

Did you see the post above about the meaning of Grace?

It is unfair. But it also is what it is.

Presumably you’ve now got £3k saved up and have proven you can do what you put your mind to. Save it - put it towards a deposit - or whatever or buy your own bloody treat for finishing your exams. On holiday don’t give DB a free ride. Very clearly say - are we both putting into a kitty or pay our own way. He runs out of spends - that’s his problem.

And stop with the comparisons - at the end of the day he’s an ineligible entitled prick who will probably be complained about on here whenever some unlucky girl picks up the barman… Hopefully you’re moving on to far better things.

Given your responses on this thread maybe your brother didn't save hoping your parents would say he couldn't come.
That way he could get away from your vile attitude for a short while 😒

No, they don't.

They don't have to be 'fair'.
They don't have to have the pair of you living in their house well past the age of majority.
They don't have to treat either of you to a holiday.
And they certainly don't have to listen to you moaning about 'unfair' you think taking their son on holiday with them is.

Don't like it? Move out.

I pay rent weekly, it’s set up as a standing order. He pays rent as and when he “can afford it” (aka when he’s can be bothered)

They pay "rent"

Hahahaha

She doesn’t care what they want. She doesn’t care that they want her brother to be on the holiday. She only cares that she gets what she wants.

Poor Dad - a 26 year old going through the terrible twos. Time you grew up.

And who’s Jan?

OP if you somehow manage to force them to kick him off the holiday, they will have a worse time because of it. On the holiday that they are paying for. How does that make you feel?

How about this?
1.Give your parents the £3k you've saved up and pay for your place on the holiday.
2.Rub your brother's nose in it and call him a free loader from up on your high horse the whole holiday.
3.Get your mum to give you £3k for passing your exams.
4.Wave the 3k in your brother's face, telling him he is useless and look what mummy gave you for being a good student and not him, he has nothing.
Will that make you feel better?