Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

I’m going to speak with my dad - he’s more likely to be in my corner. Putting it frankly I don’t think being bad with money is an excuse to not save for a year.

Maybe he planned to borrow the money to pay? Then his 'punishment' would be having to pay interest. Anyway, you're both getting a free trip so I don't see what you've got to complain about. Presumably, passing those exams means earning more eventually for you, plus you chose to take them and to work hard. Why would you expect a reward from your parents as well? I have two DC. They are very different but I love them both. One does brilliantly academically, the other is generous and sociable. It would be unfair to reward one for passing exams. Your parents probably value you both but for different reasons.

They want him there and are paying for him. You don't get a say, nor should you.

As opposed to say, putting it on a credit card?

I think maybe you also say to them that you are thrilled as you can now pay off some of your debt

try to make it clear you don’t have holiday spending money just like DB

and I really would ask what they would like to gift you for passing your exams as the holiday is clearly just a big family treat

They appear to have brought up a child who thinks she does have a say in how they spend their money, so I guess they have to take some responsibility for that.

Yes, but @Rachie1973 said her daughter gave the earrings as a surprise gift to her, not the other way round!

I can understand why you’re pissed off, but if I were you I’d just leave it - kicking up a fuss isn’t going to end well, and if your brother is as feckless as you suggest, it sounds as if you’re going to have a much happier and more comfortable life than he is - that’s the win x

For some reason, I've formed the impression that the brother may be the more easy-going, less intense of the two siblings. And therefore possibly a good holiday companion to help balance it out.

Why do you hate your brother? This is not normal?
He has done nothing wrong to you?
His finances are none of your business.
The quicker you realise that the quicker you will learn to mind your own business and stop taking offence to the life choices of others that have nothing to do with you.
And the quicker you do that the less bitter you will be. Because at the moment the only one spoiling the holiday is you OP

So you genuinely think this situation is fair?

Absolutely this.

OP you talk a lot about what your DB deserves or doesn’t deserve. What about your parents? Don’t they deserve to have the holiday they want with the people they want there especially if they are paying for it??

I’ve said multiple times I don’t hate him.

So you are going to ruin it for them.

”in your corner”. Really?

So self absorbed

It’s not about that - it’s about him being rewarded for not doing the one thing he was told to do. It’s unfair.

And what do you expect your dad to do?

Tell your brother off for not saving?

You are both adults.

You clearly believe yourself to be better than your brother, and therefore think that you deserve more from your parents.

The bottom line is that you don’t deserve anything from your parents. No one does.

Your parents simply want to have a holiday with both you and your brother and they are making that happen by saying that they will pay for both of you.

They are treating you both equally.

But you don’t want equal treatment.

Because you are better.

Thankfully, your parents don’t see it like that.

Unfair upbringings can create massive resentment between siblings

Especially if thr favoured sibling brags about it

What do you expect him to do ?

Can't wait for the update, where you're back with a new thread complaining about how the evil parental units have uninvited you from your celebratory holiday and are now taking your brother instead.

So it’s fine for my brother to go running to mummy and say he doesn’t have the savings to pay, but not for me to express how unjust and unfair it is?

It sounds like this trip is just an example of the difference in treatment between you and your brother, as you would have been expected to miss out if you could not pay, the rent thing etc. Although I’m not sure if he does pay regular rent, or only when he deems he can afford it?

In terms of the trip, my advice would be to relax and enjoy it. Your parents clearly want you both there and you have had a stressful time recently. Try not to get caught up with who saved for what as your parents have a pattern of behaviour with your brother and you can’t change it.

When you return from the trip, focus on yourself, it sounds like you will have more opportunities to progress, save and move out and on with your life. It is up to your pay and brother what they do.

No time like the present OP. Do it now as you are just going round in circles arguing on here. It's not helping. Speak to your dad and tell him how you feel and go from there

OP, you sound absolutely horrible. You’re also missing the fact that, by having saved, you now have £3k in your pocket, which your brother doesn’t have.

In terms of rent - it’s as and when he says he has the tips to pay (aka when he’s not spent it all on takeaways)

You DO sound a lot younger than 26 when you post like this.

I think your parents would be doing you both a favour by showing you the door and getting their home back to themselves.

The way you speak about him says otherwise love.