Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

Easy, just say how lovely they are for giving you both a free holiday and ask what your amended gift for passing exams is going to be. If they say the holiday, tinkly laugh and say obviously not because DB didn’t pass exams

oh god, then go to the police. Better still dial 999 and ask them to send an armed response unit too, for good measure.

OP you are clearly very intelligent to have passed these exams. You come across as somebody who is highly intelligent, with very little emotional intelligence.

The attitude from you is so entitled.
You didn't get the holiday for passing your exams, you got it because your parents are in a position to be able to give you a free holiday, and they are kind and generous parents.

With regards to your brother. When somebody is given something they may not deserve, that is not called unfair, that is called GRACE.

I honestly think if you had some understanding of grace you would be a happier person.
Lots of people suggesting you should not go. I honestly think you would spoil the trip with the mindset you have. The attitude is of a petulant child and it stinks.

You have been arguing with strangers on the internet incessantly since 9.53 this morning. Is this how long your tantrums usually go on for? What are you doing to regulate your emotions here? It looks like you are fueling anger and bitterness and where do you expect that to go?

I have done the lords work and analysed the stats. I gathered seeing as you asked if you were being unreasonable but were unable to listen to the answers, I'd make the majority vote a bit clearer for you. As this is quite frankly the most ridiculous post I've read in my 13 years as a mumsnetter.

Out of 590 responses 51 indicated they could see where you were coming from (despite many criticising your behaviour in dealing with it).
That's 9% of responses that indicated they could see why you might feel its unfair.
With 91% unable to do so.

That's quite the majority.

What I will also add is that I have a handful of primary school aged children myself who show more maturity and grace to each other than you have in this post.

Just because YOU see it as wrong it doesn't mean it is. The majority of the people on this thread don't think it's wrong and your parents don't either. We can only see things through our own eyes and experiences and people will always see lots of things in different ways.

I do get it a bit. You're annoyed because your brother got a free holiday, as did you, but you don't think he deserves it and you do. Now you have built yourself up into a rage and are going round in circles. This isn't doing you any good.

The only control over this that you have is the way you react to it. This level of anger is not achieving anything and the only person at the moment upset is you.

Others have given you some good advice so when you've calmed down maybe have a reread. Try and look at it not that it is actually wrong but that you 'feel' it's wrong. You are entitled to your feelings but ultimately you have no right to tell your parents what they can and can't do with their money so if you really feel this strongly about it then the only thing you can really do now is to decline the invite.

Have you actually spoken to your parents and told them how you feel? Speaking to them might give you a better understanding of why they made the decision that they did and might make you understand a bit more and be less angry.

You’re 26, your brother is 25 - I assume your parents are around 50, so hardly ‘aging’.

Im not a boomer. Just a millennial who left home at 17 and, you know, became an adult.

Tinkly laugh and stick your hand out for more money?

Bloody hell.

You know that law isn't the only stressful job going, right?

And you're talking to the wrong person about hair falling out due to stress as I've had alopecia since I was 17. 😂

Anyway, if you've had several breakdowns and a lot of stress, surely now you've finished your qualifications, you don't need to be creating MORE stress for yourself by railing about your brother. Let him do him. Get on with making a success of your own life and just enjoy your parents generosity of treating you both to a holiday.

Of course you should be treated equally...
Honestly you sound spoilt and entitled

When i read your post I thought you were talking about your GCSE exams as you are sounding like a child! Get over yourself and accept the situation so that everyone can enjoy their holiday otherwise the tension and your resentment is going to spoil it.

And given that you have been arguing this for over four hours, completely unable to listen to the 91% who have disagreed and shared an overwhelming majority of viewpoint. I would have to agree with the few that raised questions (as a professional too) about autism as this behaviour is really not normal at all.

Gift
you said money

and why not?

treat the siblings the same - both get a free holiday

one who has done lots of hard work passing exams gets a present

seems fair to me

I totally get where the op is coming from (and yes I am autistic with wealthy parents)

Dads in his 70s but sure, Jan.

Totally get where you’re coming from OP.

Are your parents paying for meals, drinks, days outs etc, when you actually get to the holiday or will you be expected to pay your own way? Because if you do and they pay for your brother (assuming if he hasn’t saved for a holiday he won’t have saved spending money) this would be the hill to die on.

If you really feel strongly about this you’d pay for yourself or wouldn’t go.
Which is it?

I did have this family dynamic. I studied hard, passed exams, worked so I could be assessed on my own income to get myself to university (parents didn’t want me to go), and was told I couldn’t have any help of any description because I needed to learn to take care of myself.
My sister didn’t work hard, slacked off a lot, had driving lessons paid for, a car was bought for her, and she was given a deposit for a house. There’s much more than that, but the unequal treatment was very stark. I don’t hold that against her - it wasn’t her fault she was treated better than I was.

If my parents had offered to pay for a holiday I’d been saving for, then offered the same to my sister…I can’t imagine thinking anything other than “brilliant, I can put that £3000 in a savings account now!” Why would I want my sister, who I love, to miss out on the holiday?

OP does need to grow up; if she’d been left out and her brother’s trip was covered, it would make sense to be upset. As it is, they’ve both got the same, and she’s 3 grand richer. This attitude towards her brother is spiteful and childish.

Id include ADHD too as its very provocative, you only seem to respond to provide another argument, that when somebody provides some insight and reason to it is completely ignored.

I don’t know if you realise but this year had the highest percentage pass rate for SQC with 82 percent being successful, that includes those who, for whatever reason, withdrew. That is a higher percentage than most other post grad professional qualifications.
Do you also r

As someone who spent several thousand pounds to take my siblings on a trip of a lifetime, I think you have completely misunderstood the dynamics here. My siblings are not great with money, have worked in less well paying jobs, not very ambitious, one still lives with my parents etc. I wanted to go on holiday with them and they would not have had the means to join me if I hadn’t paid. Even if they could have scraped the money together, it wouldn’t have been a priority for them. It’s honestly the best money I’ve ever spent. Your parents aren’t spending £6k on the two of you because of you, they are doing it for themselves. They want to go on holiday with their children. I wanted my siblings to have a nice time, but ultimately paid for them because I would have a better time with them than without them. They are t going to kick your brother off the trip. This isn’t about whether he deserves it… they want you both there.

Don’t ruin this for them. I can’t tell you how heartbroken I would have been if the trip had been ruined because one sibling felt they deserved to be there and the other didn’t and had a fucking tantrum about it. The person paying gets to decide who goes.

I'm rapidly revising ideas about how long I'm going to let my kids live at home here 😁

THIS

OP do your parents know you’ve worked this hard to save the money?

Fuck knows - I’ve just bought my own travel money but he hasn’t “got round” to it yet. Says he’ll just use his card while there, but he’ll probably forget that. It’s too late for him to go and buy Euros or a travel card, and he refuses to use Apple Pay. So yes I’ll probably end up paying for some of his meals etc.

Yes. They said it was the deal.

Yes, I agree. I thought that post was rather odd.