Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

Yeah. But what are you going to do about it? Your parents have made their choice. The only choice you have now is whether to go or not.

Have you told your parents this?

“So I’m just supposed to overlook it, pretend this is fair and just, and get on with it?”

Honestly - yes. What’s happened is, objectively, irritating at most. A slight frustration and a bit of a vent would just be enough but you are venomous. It’s really not a healthy level of anger over something like this. It really is showing that you have some big issues to work on.

edited to add quote

And how are you going to make your parents do that?

If you’re that pissed off about having saved for no reason/the principle of it all, you can still pay them the money for the holiday.
Or, as they’re being so terribly unfair to you by <checks notes> deciding to pay for both you and your brother, you could stay home if you want to make a point.

I mean, I can see why you’re annoyed. Your parents have selfishly dumped the huge problem of deciding what to do with the thousands you’ve saved that you no longer need to spend on a holiday. I mean, how bloody selfish can you get? What the fuck are you supposed to do with 3 grand now you don’t have to hand it over to them? It was such a dick move for them to pay for you, I’d consider going NC tbh… (sarcasm, in case this isn’t blatantly obvious)

Grow up OP. You sound like a spoiled toddler having a tantrum.

Because he didn't want to. He probably wasn't bothered about a family holiday. It's up to him.

It's their money, they get to chose how to spend it.

This is what happens when adult children stay in the family home longer than they should. You are acting like a child who is incredibly jealous of her brother. Why on earth would you go on this holiday at all?. Years ago, children couldn't wait to move out as soon as they could to gain independence. Many lived in pretty grotty flat shares with total strangers (to start with) but that was preferable to living with mummy and daddy in their 20s and beyond for which they would have been derided. Grow up and realise how fucking lucky you are to be given an expensive holiday for free.

Sounds like you and your brother don't get on.

Would you prefer he DIDN'T come on the trip?

Do you understand the difference between equally and equality?

Op, you are clearly harbouring some internal thoughts that possibly need therapy to help you process them. You might want to consider using some of that £3k to help yourself.

Black / white thinking is also a trait of people who have suffered adverse childhood experiences. It’s not just an autistic trait.

Are you the one who has now decided you actually don't want to be a lawyer?

Yabu

Define hell?
You live with your parents.
Did you live on bread and water?

I doubt this very much. It’s clear you don’t have children.

Your parents are paying for this holiday for you both because they love you both, want to spend time with you both, and can afford it.

I suspect that even if you hadn’t passed your exams and one of you couldn’t pay when the time came, they would still have paid for you both to go and told you to keep your money. Because they love you and want to have you on their holiday.

The irony is we get on really well and regularly travel together. But whenever we do go away I have to hound for him to pay his share

I'm out. You are an entitled, partly delusional, young woman.

You have been given a LOT of good advice here.

I equally pity your parents and blame them for how you turned out.
(but good luck sueing your brother in court for fraud, do let us know how that goes on)

She makes it sound like she was vaccinating orphans in the Sudan, rather than investing in her future by taking professional exams which will eventually lead to her potentially earning £££. . Of course she should be making personal sacrifices for that.*

*Unless OP is in fact the other 26 year old recently posting about how, after passing her SQEs, she doesn't WANT to into law.

No, they wouldn’t have.

Go and work in law. Work two jobs, have several breakdowns and have hair fall out due to stress and tell me I should be happy about the experience.

Fraud isn’t a civil matter so that shows how little you know.

Well, this time you wouldn't need to as Mopsy and Popsy will be footing the bill.

Look on the bright side, you appear to have a better work and saving ethic than your brother. This is likely to serve you far more in the long run than his attitude.

In the meantime, just chill and enjoy the holiday.

How are you planning to force your parents to kick him off the holiday?

Imagine being an adult, living at home with your parents, having a full blown hissy fit because they are shouting you a free holiday and have the temerity to do the same for their son 😁

I'm inclined to agree with the pp. Intergenerational living doesn't work with infantilised adult children.

How are you planning to force your parents to kick him off the holiday?

You HAVE to pull out of this holiday. You’re going to make everyone miserable.