Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

So you’ll go, be seething at them all and it’ll be shit 🤷🏻‍♀️

So @FamilyHolidayTroubles you have just done the SQE (well done by the way as I am aware how hard it is) but you still have this childish attitude - you are going to be a solicitor so you need to start growing up! I have worked in law many years and trust me
you are going to have many battles to fight - choose to let this go. Your parents want to pay for you both so say thanks and enjoy the holiday - use your £3k to do another holiday as a well done to yourself! I have a golden child brother so know full well what it’s like but it’s really not worth all this stress. If the angle is they are spending your future inheritance then that’s grubby but I don’t think this is where you are coming from.

For the safety of your family

So you would prefer it if your brother didn’t go? You are both getting a free holiday and you also have some money saved to use for something else. Just try and be grateful.

Exactly this. I think people are pissed off because it’s a free holiday.

I sacrificed seeing my friends for a year, while he went on trips around Europe. I was depressed, burnt out and suffered physically. Every spare second was spent working or studying, and I’d have loved to have sacked off my second job.

do you have grown up DC? are they like OP and her brother?

if not, you might want to read what many pp have said about what is "fair" and what parents want for their children.

It sounds as if you have grown up with great feelings of injustice and resentment of favouritism. I empathise with those feelings but am certain that no good will come of you holding on to them. I strongly recommend you use the money you have saved towards seeing a good therapist, eg a NLP practitioner, who can help you let go of these resentments.

The fact that at 26 you are living at home and being 'gifted ' holidays for working hard like a school child says to me you have a lot of growing up to do....

You are so entitled it’s not even funny. You live at home, presumably haven’t paid much rent to your parents so you can fund your exams and still bitching they are giving you a free holiday. Take take take. You realise most people your age have moved out, pay their own way and no longer have Mummy and Daddy funding it all and still you complain. It’s baffling.

She's a full grown adult who opted to work more to pay for a holiday. She has agency to choose what her priorities are, she could have chosen to work less and risk forgoing the holiday. That's just life.
She says her brother is a dosser who sleeps until midday, no shit, he's a bartender. He works at night time! Not quite such a dosser really if he makes the same as OP with her 2 jobs....

To be honest? Yes I would, so he can see that just blundering his way through life won’t get him far.

So what outcome are you looking for? Your parents aren’t going to withdraw the offer to your brother because you’re pissed off. You’re not going to turn down the holiday because you feel you deserve it. So what do you actually want to happen?

Sorry, changed as wrong quote

OK OP, it's unfair, what do you expect the rest of MN to do about it? Your brother is lazy, you are coming across as petulant. You're 26 and it's time to realise that you cannot change how other people behave, but you can change how you react. You resent your parents treating DB as the golden child and you the scapegoat? Trust me, you won't change that but you can say later in life that the "burden" of looking after them in future will be his whilst you've gained qualifications to further your life.

How old are you?

oh dear, if my 26 year old said that to me:

she would be looking for somewhere to live (you live with your parents?)
and she would not be going on this or any other holiday paid for by me

That’s not going to happen though is it? So what is your desired outcome? At the moment it sounds like your anger is just going to ruin the holiday for everyone, including yourself.

I’d feel the same. It sucks. However on MN youre not allowed to feel like that as youve just to be grateful for the gift at all.

And when your feckless brother is still at home and your parents eventually die he will inherit the house as he has nothing and youve done so well getting your beautiful flat and career…

Id say something. But I’m manipulative. “Thanks so much for this holiday my brother and I are being gifted. I really appreciate it as I’ve worked very hard these years with multiple jobs and study and missed out on so many fun times with my friends as I’ve got so much debt. And seeing as how this was to be a reward for my efforts and now isn’t as it is a gift for both of us, i can’t wait to see what my reward will be now, thank you in advance so much”.

You have done enough to please your parents that they give you both a free holiday - be proud of yourself

I expect them to tell him not to come, the entitled prick

As im sure your parents would have loved to have you moved out at your age. You’re so lucky to be able to still live at home. Your posts are very immature for your age. I’d suggest moving out, paying your own way and then getting gratitude for what your parents have done. Why should they pay for you and make your brother pay? It’s absurd.

Why don’t you explain that to your parents, not to demand your brother doesn’t go but so that they might understand your feelings of unfairness?

But you could have done the same (in fact you still can!). He decided he'd rather travel with his mates than holiday with his parents. That's up to him. Your parents decided they want him to come anyway, which is their prerogative.
Stop blaming your choices on your brother.

Theyre not going to. So what next? How is this going to be resolved?