Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

It is unfair. Seems your parents don’t expect of your brother what they’ve expect of you in terms of rent etc as well. I’d get a thank you card and say thank you for the holiday as well as thank you for holding you to higher expectations than your brother because it will and has already served you so much better in life. Then I’d pick a phrase like “Boys will be boys” to adopt on holiday to trot out anytime the double standards arise and leave it hanging in the air without getting into arguments. They’re not doing him any favours in the long term and deep down they’re afraid they’ve raised a drifter. Chin up OP let your drive push you forwards and try not to let bitterness hold you back.

so tell them this if you feel you must. And then get on with either going on the holiday or separating yourself from all this possible "golden child" stuff.

And now you have a nice bit of cash to put in your pension, save for a rainy day, or do something fun

But you now have all the money you saved and he doesn’t? You’re still in a better position surely! And how do you know if it was reversed, that you’d still have to pay or not go?

No need to be rude.

it’s just simply unfair. That’s that. He has done fuck all with his life, spends his money on takeaways and booze and gets rewarded for it. That is not fair.

Congratulations for passing your exams! I can see your point of view. However, maybe your glass is half empty, maybe completely full because your parents are very kind and generous to you both. If you dislike your brother so much, I don't think you'll enjoy this holiday very much. Having said this, I hope you'll all have a wonderful time and you can help to make this happen.

How exactly are you being punished? Adults don't get rewarded for passing exams. The reward is the opportunities your qualifications will bring. Adjust your attitude.

You clearly hate your brother. So why did you even agree to go on holiday with him?

You sound like a petulant child. Build a fucking bridge and get over it. There are a million different ways life can be unfair, this is bottom of the list stuff. Grow up.

No, you've doubled up. You have the money you saved and a free holiday. He only has the holiday and no money.

Take the win, gracefully. Is your brother like you with your resentful attitude? Because he could be pissed that you could 'afford' to pay your way but you're getting a free holiday when you have the money right there!

That's his problem though, not yours. Get on and try to do something with your own life and let this go. It's deeply unhealthy and extremely childish.

You honestly need to grow up.
As an adult your parents don’t have to ‘reward’ you and not your brother.

No, it’s not. But nothing you can do to change it. Can’t you see this? It is almost three hours since you first posted. You are literally wasting your day away.

Your poor parents. Still having their children at home well into their 20s, and still expecting hand outs like some incentive for doing things that ultimately are for one's own advancement.

looking at it from a parent of adult children's pov: i have one who is doing well, nice job, lives with nice boyfriend, good social life etc. I have one who is struggling, crappy zero hours minimum wage, shared accommodation, a few mental health issues.

I support each of them about equally but also according to what they need. So the 2nd one was wearing awful uncomfortable shoes with holes in. I got them new ones. The other needs help with some DIY, so i am doing that. Some of it at my cost.

That is how parenting works, and sometimes, to the one who is "doing all the right things" it feels unfair. But life is unfair and a good parent is hardly going to stand by and leave one out.

it is unfair. But for your parents, they want their son to come too.

So what do you think would have been fair OP? For you to pay for your trip and for your brother to not go because he hadn’t saved? In this instance you would not be better off as you would be paying for your own trip.

Or do you feel it would have been fairer for you to be gifted the trip and your brother to not be gifted the trip because he hadn’t saved and you had? This certainly doesn’t seem fair to me.

Why are you not just happy that not only have you got a free trip out of it but you now have a load of savings that you can either spend on something else or save for the future?

In what way have you been punished? If he’d got a free holiday and you hadn’t then you’d have a case for saying you were being punished. Your parents have just gifted you £3k worth of holiday. In what world is that a punishment?

Maybe in your head you’ve been looking forward to the trip without him (knowing he wouldn’t save) and now that your parents are paying for everyone you’re a bit bummed out that you’re not going to get the break from him that you wanted?

Whatever it is, this is not a rational or adult response to your parents gifting a holiday to each of their children.

Do you realise how childish that sounds, I was good and got sweeties, he wasn't as good as me and still got sweeties, not fair, boohoo. Just enjoy all the money you saved and in the future you will have a good job and a nice life and you can hope that he will be poor and miserable.

Good grief I’m stunned you’re 26, you’re behaving like a jealous 12 year old shouting it’s not fair and me me me. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard your parents had it with you both.

you’re an adult op; what your parents chose to gift your brother is none of your business, and stamping your feet and shouting about how it’s not fair and hurling abuse at him is just embarrassing for you,

I've read all your posts OP. Not sure why you getting completely piled on. It's clear as day this is not about the holiday. It's about how they treat you vs how they treat him, the expectations placed on you and the free pass to doss about given to him.

I'm not sure they'll ever acknowledge what they've done, so I can only say grey rock the whole thing. Keep your head down, use that 3k as the start of your pot to get out. With your professional exams done I'm sure you'll soon be in a position to leave, and to progress in your career.

He'll still be living with mummy and daddy.

Just be prepared that if they come across any issues in the future, they'll be probably be expecting the dutiful daughter to sort it all out for them, so be prepared to have the guilt, but also to tell them Prince Doss-a-Lot can sort it.

You’re not in competition with him, try to grow up,

What would happen if you said to your parents that actually you are really grateful they’ve offered £x for passing your exams (cost of the holiday) and on reflection, you’ve decided you’d rather add that to your savings towards a home deposit and not go, so could you have the cash and not go on the holiday please.

You’ve said you think if you’d not saved, your not be going on the holiday, but your brother would go either way, which means the holiday isn’t paid for yet, so you could just not go.

Id be not going and taking the money instead. Go on a cheaper holiday with friends or use the money to move out.

If you are half as bad in real life as you are coming across on here they probably paid for your brother so they didn't have to spend the whole time alone with you. You've had some good advice here but you've ignored it and just carried on arguing with everyone. Just don't go if you feel that strongly ffs

Hey OP, I totally understand your point and I’m sorry to see many people are not and are being vile towards you.

You see this as unfair and I can probably assume this is one of many situations where you’ve not been treated fairly. I have grown up the scapegoat and watched my parents treat the golden child very differently. Remember that most people on here haven’t experienced this dynamic and don’t understand. Or, they are the golden child in their family and most probably have created similar dynamics within theirs and protests of being unfair are met with similar retorts that you have experienced. Unless of course, it’s them that have been wronged.

You seem to be able to handle yourself. Lesson learnt for next time, no saving your own money for any future holidays and please the same pitiful card your brother does. Enjoy your holiday though and treat yourself with all your hard earned money!

Congrats on passing your exams OP!
I see your point, but you and your bro are completely different by the sounds of things. You are a worker and a saver. Brother isn’t, but your parents want you BOTH on holiday with them.

As a PP mentioned, you will likely fly the nest first and probably succeed in your career, have a better pension etc ( just speculating!) You have 3k, brother doesn’t.