Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

Lolol. I’d be like ‘ok. £3k saved. Bye bratty!’

This is insane.

You really think she should be saying, 'Hey, ma and pa. It's so unfair that you've given me £3000 to come on holiday with you - but I refuse to come if my brother comes too, because it's so unfair.'

Jeez.

I agree about discussing it (not the adversarial approach "having it out") with your parents, but imo to refuse to go on the holiday if your brother goes is poor advice. A good way to cause immense, probably permanent, family upset.

Are you an adult or a 3 year old having a tantrum that it's not fair?

You haven't done anything to entitle you to a gift. Your parents don't owe you.

You are very immature and it Shows. Im guessing your parents
bought you stuff for every single mundane achievement all your life and that should
Continue forever and you are going to sulk and cry until it happens? Maybe the odd foot stamp?

You wanted a particular professional qualification, so worked to get it. No one forced you and you knew the cost upfront. You now have more qualifications and better earning power, plus a spare £3k. Your brother has lower prospects and potential, because he doesn't work for it. Living well is the best revenge here.

I think this is the crux of the situation. Sounds like your whole life has been proving yourself to your parents whereas your brother can just bimble along.

@FamilyHolidayTroubles Do you know for sure that if you hadn't saved the money or passed the exams your parents wouldn't have paid for you to go?

It is a shame they watched you burn out from stress, working two jobs plus the exams, miss out on other things, to only then offer to pay for your holiday. It would have been far nicer of them to say at the start save what you can spending money, you're doing xyz already and we'll pay for the trip.

I think I would be pissed off if my parents were constantly letting my brother do the minimum whilst always expecting the max from me.

I would try and enjoy the holiday and use the money saved to make it extra nice for myself. Or, keep the money to add to a moving out pot. But I would ultimately make steps to get your independence and some distance from your brother.

You all live together- sounds like if anything a break from each other would do everyone some good 😂

Drop the petulant brat act and be grateful your parents are generously paying for you and your sibling to have a holiday.
🌵🌵🌵🌵

No skin off your nose if he gets it free, SO ARE YOU! You clearly don’t think he “deserves” it 🙄

Haven't RTFT yet but this sounds like favoured child. It's not that she's getting a free trip and they've said he has to have a free trip as well.

It's that OP knows her parents well enough to know that if her brother had done something to be awarded a free trip, she'd still be expected to pay and if she hadn't saved a penny she'd be told she wouldn't get to go. She wouldn't be given a free trip to make it "fair" like he has been.

So it feels like a double standard, reiterating that her brother is favoured over her, and that what she has done isn't really getting any recognition for her hard work in exams, because he's getting it too and he's done fuck all.

You’re being unreasonable as your parents are gifting both their children a holiday as they want to treat you both fairly.
Now you have the money you saved to spend on something else.
I don’t think I’ve ever read such a ridiculous post 🙄

You absolute brat of a grown child. If you were mine you'd never get another penny

Your parents sound like generous people. I don't think you wouldn't be going if you couldn't afford it.

I never understand these kind of threads. Why post and ask "am I being unreasonable' Get told by the majority that yes you are then make 3 pages of posts arguing with everyone that tells you such. You clearly think you are right so why bother asking the question? I feel sorry for your parents and your brother, you must be a nightmare to live with!!

After reading through I was thinking that. The black and white thinking and the being a stickler for injustice reminds me of my daughter with autism.

Also you now have £3K savings and he doesn’t so good for you! Why not be pleased about that extra money you can spend on something else significant like another holiday? I’m absolutely sure if you hadn’t saved your parents would have paid for you too. It feels like you’re creating drama out of nothing.

Or, op has had a lifetime of him being given an easy ride and it grates. Taking her post at face value, well the comment that if it had been the other way round then she wouldn't have had the holiday paid for then yes that is unfair.

you sound about 12 and you clearly hate your brother. No idea what you expected to get out of this post.

@FamilyHolidayTroubles I completely understand why you feel this is unfair. You have ambition and drive, you have saved, your brother has not. But try and see this from your parents’ point of view. They love their grown up kids. Both of them. Even if one is more ambitious, driven, successful and more careful with money than the other. They want to spend time with you both. Perhaps they made a mistake in the way they gave you this most generous gift, by using certain words to you and others to your brother, but they are human and humans make mistakes. The gift was kindly meant towards you both. They were trying to express their pride in your achievements.
Your brother is an adult and can live his life however he chooses, he’s not hurting anyone. Just as you live your life how you choose to live it. It is your parents’ money to use as they see fit.
Can you just allow this to be as it is—for your own sanity if nothing else? Accept that you are different people, who behave differently, but your parents love you both even so. How lucky you are to have them.
Congratulations on passing your exams! Enjoy your holiday.

Having read all the OP's responses...this is bonkers. You probably shouldn't even go on the holiday, because it sounds like you'll all have a shit time, what with all the underlying tension.

Seriously, move past it. Maybe your parents wanted to treat you because you passed these exams, but would feel bad about going off on a holiday without your brother so decided to treat him too. Maybe they think it's the last family holiday you'll have, given that you're 26 and 25.

When my husband and I got married his parents gave us a cash gift. His brothers also got exactly the same amount, even although they weren't having a significant life event. They just wanted to treat everyone the same.

You've got money in the bank and your brother doesn't. Tell your parents you still want a present for all your hard work, since this present isn't good enough because your brother gets it too. Good luck with that!

They've had the same ride. He's wasted it, OP hasn't. No further reward is necessary.

and now he’s being rewarded for wasting it, while I aM
punoshed for not.