Page 16 | Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

Heronwatcher · 30/08/2025 11:16

Sorry but I think you need some counselling. You sound completely unhinged at the moment. All over a holiday which it sounds like will be a disaster anyway because you’re incredibly resentful of all the people going.

It sounds like the only thing that would make you happy would be for your parents to refuse to let your brother go. That’s really not normal at your age. I tell my own kids, all under 11, blowing someone else’s candle out doesn’t make yours burn brighter.

Your parents are giving you a nice place to live. You’re going on a holiday. You’ve passed your exams, you now have 3k unexpectedly and, I assume, the ability to save money/ get a mortgage from a decent career and good earning potential. You can obviously save even more money once you start working. I’d concentrate on getting out of your own head and realising how fortunate you are than obsessing about your brother. If this means a visit to a GP and/ or some private counselling etc, that would be time/ money well spent.

Beeinalily · 30/08/2025 11:16

OP you have a lovely holiday coming up and three grand to spend or save when you get back, and yet you're making yourself angry and miserable with all this brother stuff. Just put it on the back burner and enjoy yourself.

SomeOfTheTrouble · 30/08/2025 11:16

Assuming the holiday was booked a while ago, if they didn’t pay for your brother they’d lose that money anyway wouldn’t they?

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 11:16

Rachie1973 · 30/08/2025 11:04

That’s kinda the point about gifts. You don’t have to ‘earn’ them. Or they would be rewards.

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A bit like OP’s parents are ‘rewarding’ him for not bothering to save ? From OP’s updates it does seem like he’s the golden child and OP is held to a higher standard. I can’t work out whether that’s because they see her as more competent than DB, but that doesn’t change the fact that thy are enabling his fecklessness.

It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if he hadn’t bothered to save because he knew mum and dad would bail him out. And the fact that OP knows they wouldn’t do the same for her must hurt. In effect he has a free holiday while OP earned hers by working hard to pass exams. Given that from her updates it’s very clear that the inequity is long standing and not just the matter of this holiday, l’m quite shocked at some of the replies telling her to grow up and so forth. This is the kind of parental behaviour that screws people up for life.

LindorDoubleChoc · 30/08/2025 11:17

I voted YANBU but see I'm in a huge minority!

This whole holiday is a bit of a shit show really isn't it? Your brother can't have wanted to come much if he didn't bother to save at all towards it, your parents don't want to go on the holiday without him.

It's properly messy and I don't blame you one little bit for being irritated about it all OP.

BuckChuckets · 30/08/2025 11:17

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 10:02

Yes? We agreed a year ago how much we’d pay. He’s not saved and now still gets to go!

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God, you sound like a brat.

Dragonflydancer · 30/08/2025 11:18

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 11:16

A bit like OP’s parents are ‘rewarding’ him for not bothering to save ? From OP’s updates it does seem like he’s the golden child and OP is held to a higher standard. I can’t work out whether that’s because they see her as more competent than DB, but that doesn’t change the fact that thy are enabling his fecklessness.

It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if he hadn’t bothered to save because he knew mum and dad would bail him out. And the fact that OP knows they wouldn’t do the same for her must hurt. In effect he has a free holiday while OP earned hers by working hard to pass exams. Given that from her updates it’s very clear that the inequity is long standing and not just the matter of this holiday, l’m quite shocked at some of the replies telling her to grow up and so forth. This is the kind of parental behaviour that screws people up for life.

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Yeah they can fuck you up your mum and dad. That's why most people just move out and move on instead of staying trapped in these weird dynamics like they're 14

Rachie1973 · 30/08/2025 11:18

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 10:28

No, because that’s still wrong. Their disappointment doesn’t matter. He agreed to pay and can’t. Therefore he can’t come.

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Oh good grief. ‘Their disappointment doesn’t matter’. You are a brat. Plain and simple.

Pricelessadvice · 30/08/2025 11:18

God I wish someone would pay for me to have a holiday! I couldn’t care who else got one free if I was going for free!

Get over it OP. Your parents are free to pay for holidays for whoever they want.

CautiousLurker01 · 30/08/2025 11:18

Dragonflydancer · 30/08/2025 11:14

But on what planet do you get rewarded for doing basic stuff to improve your own life?
The "reward" for passing those exams is furthering your career.

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Planet earth? Lots of parents [if they can afford it] give gifts their children in recognition of achievement. Graduation presents etc are normal in my social network.

And the parents of OP TOLD her she did not have to pay as it was a gift in recognition of her exams. You don’t have to agree with it…. But it was how the ‘gift’ was presented to her by her parents.

anyolddinosaur · 30/08/2025 11:18

You obviously really dislike your brother and dont want to go on holiday with him.

The holiday has been booked and paid for, I imagine, so little else the parents can do except pay for him to go.

Are both of you paying rent? It would obviously have been nice if your parents had given you extra money towards your exam costs but if you are living rent free they are supporting you.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/08/2025 11:18

AIBU - OP.

Yes, you are = everyone.

Oh no I'm not - OP.

OP - you sound very young. Your parents' relationship with your brother is up to them. You should be proud of your work and savings, and grateful to your parents for a free holiday.

I also think you need to be looking to move out.

Stormfox · 30/08/2025 11:18

You’re and adult. Pay for your own holidays and then the problem goes away.

Continuing to act like a child has consequences.

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 11:19

SomeOfTheTrouble · 30/08/2025 11:16

Assuming the holiday was booked a while ago, if they didn’t pay for your brother they’d lose that money anyway wouldn’t they?

OP said the money had to be paid by this weekend, so l’m assuming there was a deposit and this was the balance.

Deepbluesea1 · 30/08/2025 11:20

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 09:53

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

YABU. You get a free trip So does your brother. what on earth is unfair here.

Also, how does it negatively impact you that they are also paying for your brother? What is the effect on you???

BuckChuckets · 30/08/2025 11:20

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 10:18

Nope. Both still at home.

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Maybe you could both decide to act like adults and move out?

Rachie1973 · 30/08/2025 11:20

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 10:29

That reward is for my own hard work. He shouldn’t be coming on this trip.

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The reward for your hard work is your future career, which to be honest, I can see being fairly short if you can’t get your head out of your arse and stop seeing the world according to you.

youalright · 30/08/2025 11:20

Dragonflydancer · 30/08/2025 11:14

But on what planet do you get rewarded for doing basic stuff to improve your own life?
The "reward" for passing those exams is furthering your career.

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This, again its so child like its like giving your toddler a sticker for using the potty. Adults don't get or need rewards from parents the reward is bettering yourself for the future. Its so bizarre.

MsPavlichenko · 30/08/2025 11:20

FamilyHolidayTroubles · 30/08/2025 10:56

And three grand is not enough to buy a house. I’m not going to pay someone else’s mortgage.

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So you think your parents should provide a home for you indefinitely? Do you think that’s reasonable? Forget your brother here.

Again, there are many posts suggesting you find a way of living with this, but you have spent all morning obsessing, and I fear you will ruin the holiday.

Listen to what folk are saying here. You will have other more difficult, and unfair situations to deal with as you go through life. You need to accept this, and them too probably. You can’t force your parents to do what you want.

It’s Saturday, go out and do something to help distract you from this. Go for a swim, meet up with friends, see a film. Please!

Dragonflydancer · 30/08/2025 11:21

CautiousLurker01 · 30/08/2025 11:18

Planet earth? Lots of parents [if they can afford it] give gifts their children in recognition of achievement. Graduation presents etc are normal in my social network.

And the parents of OP TOLD her she did not have to pay as it was a gift in recognition of her exams. You don’t have to agree with it…. But it was how the ‘gift’ was presented to her by her parents.

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They're already giving their daughter the gift of letting her sit on her ass not paying rent and spunking 3K on holidays

SomeOfTheTrouble · 30/08/2025 11:21

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 11:19

OP said the money had to be paid by this weekend, so l’m assuming there was a deposit and this was the balance.

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Ah ok, makes sense. I’ve never booked a holiday like that (always book flights and accommodation separately and pay upfront) so didn’t really know how it worked.

Frenzi · 30/08/2025 11:21

I get it.

Had you not passed your exams you wouldnt have been offered the holiday as a congratulations gift. You would have handed over the money you had saved. Then when they found out your brother hadnt got the money they would have offered to pay for him as they want him to come. You feel that had this happened they wouldn't have offered you the money you saved back. I assume there is form for this.

I would feel very pissed off too.

But you need to move on, enjoy the holiday and dont enter into this sort of arrangement again with them.

Rosscameasdoody · 30/08/2025 11:21

anyolddinosaur · 30/08/2025 11:18

You obviously really dislike your brother and dont want to go on holiday with him.

The holiday has been booked and paid for, I imagine, so little else the parents can do except pay for him to go.

Are both of you paying rent? It would obviously have been nice if your parents had given you extra money towards your exam costs but if you are living rent free they are supporting you.

OP has said several times they are both living at home and paying rent. OP by direct debit and DB from the tips he gets from bar work - subbed by his parents when he’s short. OP is being held to a higher standard while DBs fecklessness is being enabled.

stayathomer · 30/08/2025 11:22

Ah op surely there’s bigger problems in the world than this?! They’re paying for you both to go away. The words you’re looking for are ‘how lucky are we?!’

Crunchymum · 30/08/2025 11:23

I think your parents intended for you both to pay but when they realised he couldn't, they've then made up a reason to give you your money back.

So whilst it feels unfair / disingenuous (especially as they've framed it as being a gift because "you passed your exams") really they've done the fairest thing that could. Albeit they've not phrased it correctly.

If they'd said 'we've decided to pay for John as despite him not saving we really want this holiday to go ahead. So we've also decided to gift you back the money you have saved for this' then it would have at least been more authentic.

I don't think they intended to pay for him all along?