Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

go for dinner, have a lovely time, be careful and mindful. Don’t over think it.

Dear oh dear.

This thread really has shades of 'cancel the cheque'

Good for you!!

The poster with the "big" family, Emma something, who never holidays with them was odd. Im 30 and go away with my parents (with my partner and baby) and my grandmas children still take her away on holidays, she's 75... How very sad that your family dont want to holiday with you.

Awareness of common cultural differences isn't racism. Its no different to warning a girl who's from a culture where men often aim to marry young that if she's dating in the UK many younger men won't usually be looking for marriage and will be dating around or looking for one night stands.

Yes it's always the way!

No, it's not more respect for older people. It's less respect for women.

She has a child already and one on the way, she's not mentioned circumcision, though. Maybe it's been done if the older one is a boy.

This. Plus, if he would have gone ahead and married her anyway as you say, even if he had got a no, then it comes across as a manipulative and pointlessly performative gesture doesnt it?

There is literally no point in asking if you are going to ignore their wishes anyway. Makes a complete mockery of it 😂

Totally agree.
It means he views women as property rather than independent individuals who are capable of making their own decisions.
Huge red flag imo.

Exactly. It's a very regressive thing to do, why do women consider it charming and romantic to have their agency removed?
Not so long ago, a woman in this country couldn't get a mortgage on her own, she had to have a man's signature.

Good point

Well, “I thought this would never ever happen to me” before you even went out with him sounded off warning bells in many women. If you don’t describe things honestly and openly you can’t judge people for giving you the wrong advice.

It sounds like a good job to have for someone who lives between two countries. Are you financially dependent solely on his job?
You had one year long distance, and two pregnancies in the last two years while you both have different permanent residence/ citizenships.
You’re clearly in love - it’s a lovely feeling.

I said that my daughter would have ignored my husband if he had said no, not my son in law. I don’t know what he would have done in those circumstances, but I’m fairly sure they wouldn’t have got married as quickly as they did.

She needs to speak to her husband about his attitudes. Perhaps she already has. My daughter would be horrified if her partner asked my DH "permission" for a decision she can make as an adult.

I’m glad things are working out for you OP but I’ve got whiplash from how quickly you’ve got divorced, married, and had kids. I think you’ve been very lucky. But it sounds like you’re happy so good on you.

Then it sounds like your SIL doesnt really know his wife at all then, neither her character, her wishes or what she really wants out of life.

Bit worrying.

Exactly.
It not racism to Worn young women about potential, well reported scams.
This diminishes real racism- get a dictionary

The OP presented herself as somewhat vulnerable and very naive. She seemed to fall in love with this stranger very quickly. We did not know that this was to draw out attitudes to Turkish/Kurdish men, and not a woman asking for advice about a potential romance scammer.

Ha ha ha ha ha!!

Oh OP….

That’s a bit of a leap! 😆😆. I doubt that many people really know their future partner very well when they’ve only been dating for a year or so and don’t live together. He knew her well enough to know that he wanted to marry her; he didn’t know us well enough to know if we would approve.

He might be the love of your life but there are a few big things to consider before falling head over heels which always skews judgement. The most likely indicator of a successful marriage is a shared set of values and a similar upbringing. Go on a date with him and find out about these things. If they are wildly different, a marriage involving kids will be full of conflict.
Are you the type of person who can have a good time with someone but be practical in terms of a future or are you the type that lets love blind you? If the latter, I'd steer clear of jumping into anything.

Creative writing wannabe mixed up with some self delusion that it’s somehow proved that everyone who is calling it out is a racist.

Sounds to me like it’s dodgy af being so obsessed with racism.

Haha. I went to Turkey on holiday earlier this year and was asked out by about 4 Turkish guys all in their 20s and 30s.
promised me the world. I’m 49 btw
go for dinner by all means but this is not the love of your life.

He was seeking your approval when he knew she wanted to marry him? Wasn't her decision good enough?
I'm in my 60s and struggling to work out why someone in this day and age would accept that the men make the decisions on marriage and have the final say.
Are you all from a very conservative religious background?

Turns out he is.

He was seeking your approval when he knew she wanted to marry him? Wasn't her decision good enough?

Exactly LOLOL

Did they not ever discuss marriage if they were so serious after a year? blimey this sounds more and more odd