Currently in Turkey, met a guy…

[theoneortwo]

And I know they say ‘people come along when you least expect it’ but I never ever thought this would happen to me.

im 29, British, recently I came out of a long term relationship and I am currently on holiday with my family.

I’ve met a lovely Turkish man whilst here. Completely unexpectedly, he was working on one of the tours we went on 4 days ago.

I know it sounds silly and cliche, but as soon as I saw him it’s like I just knew I needed to get to know him. We didn’t speak much on the trip itself since he was obviously busy working - but after when he was showing us the photos he’d taken, we swapped numbers and have been chatting ever since.

He has asked to take me for dinner tomorrow evening (locally in the resort town we are staying in) my mum is saying go for it, but my dad seems to have reservations and is telling me not to be so stupid and naive..

This man hasn’t shown me any red flags or given me reason to distrust him.

Im kind of in the mindset that I’m here on holiday, it’s probably not going to progress.. so let’s see what happens?

has anybody else ever been in this situation, meeting a guy abroad / getting to know somebody from a different country?

I know there are huge complex loopholes and issues IF we did get to know each other more and develop a relationship - due to distance etc.

would love to know thoughts please, as I’m really in two minds.

Thank you ☺️

They are just a bit worried for the OP as you read so many stories. I'm sure they hope he is genuine and it works out.

What was your intention?

by the way, you accused me of being a racist like ‘everyone’ else. Proof?

I’ve experienced it personally so I know the way people react.

Yes. Isn't he? What a drama, eh? Everyone who doesn't think a holiday romance possibly doesn't have longevity is a racist now. Big wows from me.

I would LOVE to get answers to these. It would make it all a lot more relatable and so interesting to hear.

If it really did work out for you and your newly baked family you must be living a really interesting life with a very interesting and rather unusual cultural mix.

You must be very open minded as a person and intelligent too and and open minded to learn about Kurdish culture.

I presume you have taken a Turkish language course and your husband is teaching you Kurdish. Your dc is bilingual, am I right?

When such a contrasting mix of cultures works out as it has in OP's case, it can be very enriching indeed.

The religion aspect would be super interesting.

I presume @theoneortwo knows all about Alevism? You know you owe it to your husband to enable his religious communal traditions, which will run very, very deep in his culture? Have you had experience of this?

Are you willing for a potential son to have a circumcision, publicly in Turkey? He'll be paraded up and down the streets, before his genital surgery, you must have seen many of these rituals when visiting Turkey?

I would love to know, did you got married in England or Turkey? What was it like??

Such an interesting experience when it works out. Please share some of your insights OP.

Generalising.

You’re right, they are candidates to be in the EU. I got confused as they are in NATO (which I know are totally different things 🤣)

They will never ever be let into the EU.

Op must surely know why.

I'm glad it worked out well for you, OP. Has Emma been back to apologise...?

My well travelled journalist friend has encountered the classic charming Turkish man many times... but oh my - tell them that you're still on good terms with an ex and you might see another side to them. Plenty of travel blogs with stories to support this. My friend, being an ardent single independent woman of means said the relentless attention was wearing.

https://pinkpangea.com/2014/08/three-truths-typical-turkish-men/
https://turkishtravelblog.com/turkish-men-holiday-romance/
https://theartoflivinginturkey.com/men-in-turkey/

Well I'm very jealous of you getting to spend half the year in Turkey. What a beautiful country! I'd love to walk the Lycian Way. What area is your villa in?

Emma is still feeling the after effects of whatever glue she was on last night.

Wow, that doesn't sound like a pageful of lazy stereotypes at all.

I'm baffled as to why you thought prejudices towards people of different cultures/races or stereotypes about marriages with people from non-EU countries would have changed over the past few years? Years where there us more and more concern about immigration to the UK, protests and riots against asylum seekers and more support for political parties like reform?

Women being concerned about insincere, predatory men of any race or nationalility is also not something that is likely to change, because so many have experienced men who talked the talk, then completely changed, and I think that is what warnings have mainly been about on the thread.

It's great it worked out how you wanted, but I dont think most PP would change their advice to someone in a similar situation based on your experience.

If he had said no, we could hardly have stopped a 29 year old woman from getting married! He wanted our blessing for the wedding to go ahead, which he got. He comes from a culture which shows far more respect towards older people than we have in the uk and I don’t think it would have ever occurred to him not to ask if he could marry our daughter.

Just returned to this thread and was shocked to read that we’ve moved on from a dinner invitation to the public circumcision of OP’s as yet unconceived son!

So if the answer doesn't matter, why ask the question 😂😂

I'm glad it worked out for you!

But I didn't see any racist comments (although I haven't read every single one), only ones suggesting you learn about the culture differences.

You also changed your story from him asking for your parents permission, to "playfully" asking your parents if it's ok. There is obviously a big difference whether that was serious or playful. Both would have been a red flag for me, no matter where he was from, as I don't find the ownership of women funny. But I wouldn't have taken it so seriously if you had mentioned it was a joke.

@theoneortwo go for dinner, have a lovely time, be careful and mindful. Don’t over think it.

My niece is married to a Turk and lives in Turkey. She loves him and their son but it is a completely different way of life, women are treated very differently.

So glad it worked out for you. You are obviously one of the 5%. I am sure you had hurdles to overcome as any different cultural relationship would. I am like you - although spend more time in Türkiye than the UK. And I adapt according to whichever country I am in. I would recommend you read Turkey with all the trimmings. Horrendous writing but really quite relatable to what you see in holiday resorts since time began. It’s a funny and eye opening read

100%

I'm so glad it worked out for you. 2 of my friends are in long distance relationships with Turkish men. One has been for years.

My ds is with a gf from another country. She has a British degree but can't get job here in her field. So she's going back home. It's very sad.

Well that was all pretty pointless.

Glad it has worked out for you @theoneortwo , however, I do think most people were concerned in how you framed your OP and how much 'disney princess love at first sight' it all sounded. You sounded naive.
I am older than you and from experience, most 'love at first sight' relationships don't last. They just don't, particularly when the fairy dust has settled and the hard slog of a relationship/ parenthood sets in.

Oh, you missed the part where OP revealed it was all but a dream!