Can’t stop this affair

[HallieConstancex]

I have been seeing a man for over a year and a half. He has a family (partner & 2 children). I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

his reasons for not leaving are his oldest daughter has a severe disability so his partner has given up work and he provides everything for them, so can’t just leave.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

I can’t do no contact, I have to see him every month at work. It’s not a situation where either of us can leave but I won’t get into it as it’s outing. How am I ever supposed to move on when he has to be in my life for atleast another year?

Just saying that whatever else we got going on,and when we are with other people I know we will still meet up.Its hard sometimes to resist who is obviously wrong for you and you are doing the wrong thing.

You’re complicit in his abuse of his wife, shame on you

Continue to see him at work. Simply don’t shag him. It’s quite easy if you grow some respect for yourself. I manage to not shag my male colleagues all the time. I even manage to not shag an ex that works in the same building so I see a couple of times a week.

Why do affair partners assume that the attached person will leave and take up with them instead?

It’s obvious that this is what you want to happen. The reality is that most men doing this never have any intention of leaving their wife in the first place.

Even if he did leave for you, he’d likely then cheat on you. One thing life has taught me is that men behave the same way towards all the women they have relationships with.

yet he would probably leave if his circumstances are different

uh huh. They all would leave if it wasn’t for circumstances.

Just stop. There is no “I can’t do it”. His penis isn’t magnetic. Just stop.

You say you deserve to be treated better? I actually think his wife deserves better. You deserve a slap. 🤷🏻‍♀️

He and his partner are bonded in a way you will never understand. You provide an escape but can't compare to their deeply complex relationship. You should accept this and step aside.

Quit your nonsense. You can stop it and end it.

If you are going do have so few morals and self respect at least own it.

You are making a conscious choice to sleep with a married man. That's exactly what you are doing no matter what you want to twist your narrative, it is a choice to be doing such a shitty thing.

You awful, awful woman, to do that to another woman who is caring for their disabled child. I could cry for that wife, heartless. Karma I hope calls.

YABU
You can stop this affair, you just don’t want to- at least be honest with yourself, if nothing else. You are making the choice to be a part of a horrible betrayal of his wife, and his family. I’m not saying it wouldn’t hurt to end this relationship- you clearly have strong feelings for him- but you could choose to.

Even supposing he is telling the truth about not wanting to be with his wife anymore and that if circumstances were different he would leave (I have my doubts about that, but say we believe it)- he is still prepared to betray his wife’s trust and lying to her by having an affair with you. Whilst she is staying at home caring for their severely disabled child. It’s an awful thing to do to someone- surely you can see this? Can you imagine the damage the impact of that sort of betrayal has on a person, and how could you do that to someone you have any regard for at all? He is not a good, trustworthy or honourable man. You are not an honourable person either- if you were you would never have entered a relationship with a married man, regardless of the happiness of his marriage. He is far worse, don’t get me wrong, but you aren’t much better yourself.

At best, he’s a cowardly liar- he stays as he can’t deal with the fallout of ending his marriage so is taking the easy way out of having his cake and eating it by having the affair with you. At worst (from your point of view), he is simply using you as a bit on the side and is lying to both you and his wife.

What are you hoping for? If you are right and he won’t leave his wife whilst their child still lives, you will stay the dirty secret. Whether you deserve more is a moot point- you won’t get it. Or are you thinking if you stick it out long enough and he only stays until their child dies, then he can dump his wife and be with you? Even if he does that- is that honestly the basis for your relationship you want? A man who strings his wife along, lying and betraying her whilst she cares for a profoundly unwell child? It’s certainly not a solid foundation to base anything meaningful on. Won’t you always wonder why he might do if the going gets tough in some way? If he can do this to his wife, he can do it to you.

I think he is unlikely to leave her, so if you want to do the right thing for everyone- yourself included- you should end it and move on. It might not be easy, but it is possible.

You may well have to see him at work every month for the next year. That doesn’t mean you have to fuck him too surely?

You already know he’s never going to leave his wife, so what on earth are you doing…?!

Someone I used to work with was shagging a married man for 15 years - she then found out completely by accident he’d had got divorced several years into their affair and was now married to someone else!

And the stupid cow still carried on shagging him behind wife number 2’s back for 5 more years!

Aah right, I always think of this when I hear about people saying that -

Children do what feels good". This concept, known as delayed gratification, is a key indicator of maturity and self-control. Adults exercise discipline to achieve larger or more valuable long-term goals, as opposed to acting on immediate desires.

You're right. You can't imagine. You have no idea. But I do. Because my child was born with a life limiting and life threatening condition and it was hellish.

Two things:

1. My husband never had an affair. He's actually got a pair. He stepped up and has been THE most amazing dad. We've been married 35 years. That ain't your fella. You're looking at someone much weaker, someone who's so pathetic that he can't even keep it in his trousers. Hey, I mean, you know, if that's what floats your boat, keep on at it and keep making those excuses.
2. His circumstances aren't different. They're never going to be different. Either he'll carry on being the father of a disabled child (who'll get rinsed for maintenance by the way) or he'll be the grieving father of a dead disabled child who'll blame you for all those missed moments. Which one of those scenarios would you like to buy into? There's no flowers (except maybe at the funeral), no champagne, no nice dates out where he can 'show you off', certainly no flashy ring because the shame of what an arsehole he's been will eat him alive.

Oh god give it a rest will you. You’ve already called the op a cu*t, we all know what you think. It’s getting really boring now.

Agree - neither of this scummy pair deserve anything other than a smack in the mouth.

Vile grubby pair of dirt boxes

And so I've been deleted!! C'mon MNHQ ffs The op said it i just said yes

Fucking ridiculous on here these days!!

What help do you think the OP needs?

@HallieConstancex I'm a sahm with a disabled child. It's hard to have a relationship when your child takes so much energy from you. If my DH had an affair I would prefer that he left me. People get divorces all the time. It doesn't mean they will stop caring for their children. He's just using the disabled child as an excuse because he doesn't want to have a serious relationship with you.

Don't waste your life on him. And please tell the wife. I would want to know if it was me.

Do you think the OP was speaking with a forked tongue when she asked posters to call her that? I do. 😁

Fucking pathetic.

You are an awful person and he is worse. Move on, get a new job and try not to help destroy another family again.