Can’t stop this affair

[HallieConstancex]

I have been seeing a man for over a year and a half. He has a family (partner & 2 children). I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

his reasons for not leaving are his oldest daughter has a severe disability so his partner has given up work and he provides everything for them, so can’t just leave.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

I can’t do no contact, I have to see him every month at work. It’s not a situation where either of us can leave but I won’t get into it as it’s outing. How am I ever supposed to move on when he has to be in my life for atleast another year?

Yes. Do you think he would be sleeping around if he were not avoiding the responsibilities of looking after a disabled child?

You're an escape from reality - so that he does not have to pull his weight (emotionally, physically) at home.

And if he is the sort of person who would shag about anyway, he isn't a good person.

Look at this objectively. What would you say to a good friend if they came to you and said they were in your situation? Or, how would you feel if you were at home looking after a disabled child and found out the person you thought loved you was banging someone in the office?

Come on!

Of course he is fucking awful. He is risking destabilizing the home life of his disabled daughter. He is using his disabled daughter as an excuse to be a lying cheating arsehole and spinning it as a breathing space from his difficult home life. When does the mother of that girl get a break?

He wouldn't leave, even without a disabled daughter. Because he is a lying cheating arsehole. And you have fallen for the lies.

Don't you realise that literally every man who has an affair tells the woman that he would leave his wife, if it weren't for XYZ. There's always an excuse. He's treating you both like dirt OP. End it now.

Of course you can stop it any time but you won’t because you’re loving the attention and you prioritise dick over dignity.

And what a catch he is m. I mean who doesn’t want a lying cheating cunt in their bed for a few hours before they dash home to their poor unsuspecting wife and kids - I mean it’s every girls dream right? Oh wait

If he wanted to leave he would but he doesn’t and he won’t - have some self respect ffs. Given the choice he’ll pick his wife and kids every time - you’re just the gullible convenience shag

Oops! Guess I'm getting deleted... but the OP said to do it!

I suspect so. You'd hope no real person would be so obnoxious.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

It’s all about you I guess.

You are his escape from the demands of home life. You are never going be “ shown off” more just his monthly bit on the side. End it.

Yes, he's awful. You don't know that he would leave her in any circumstances.
If he loved you, he would leave her and still step up for his ex and children.

Some men just cheat.

He can leave his wife regardless of his family situation. You can end things with him. Neither of you are choosing to do so.

Yeah..I mean it’s got the lot..affair, long suffering wife, disabled child, faux Naismith from the OP…I’d say twat whether real or not.

You need to stop the mealy mouthed excuses - you can and should stop. You’re just choosing not to. The fact you see him once a month at work shouldn’t stop you; if you find it difficult, get another job.

Yep.

Naievity

I clearly cannot spell! 😂

Look if he really wanted to he would leave his wife. He may be staying because he actually does like his wife, he’ll look like an arsehole of he leaves, etc etc but tbh you are just wasting your life on someone who can’t and won’t give you a proper relationship. You are just hurting yourself. I won’t insult you, people do stupid shit all the bloody time but this is not going to end with you two together most likely. There are other men out there, half the thing about affairs is the excitement and the secrecy, if you weren’t getting the rush from this the excitement would probably wear off. You would also have to cinsider that even if you did end up together there is a chance that if shit got hard he’s be shagging another woman behind your back.

I don't think you can believe what this man tells you. The guy has been lying day in day out to his wife, kids and himself for 18+ months (that's if you are is 1st or only affair, which again, you can't know for sure). There might be some specks of truth, but in your shoes, I'd just assume everything he says is lies. If he'd love you, he'd be with you 100%. So many, many, many men have left their family (yes even their children with disabilities and their struggling wife) without a look over their shoulder. You're the piece on the side and that is exactly how he wants it.

Raising a disabled child is fucking hard work.

If he’s got the time and energy for an affair, he’s absolutely letting his wife down at home. I barely have time to brush my hair, nevermind find casual partners (that I have no interest in).

That poor woman is living what must be a very difficult life, and the person who is meant to be her team mate in that is shagging someone else behind her back. Gross.

Is he also sleeping with her? That would knock me sick.

He is an awful excuse for a man, and you need to throw him back. See him once a month without having sex with him if you must. But facilitating him abandoning responsibility for his family, at least two of whom are vulnerable (disabled child and wife), is disgusting.

He could leave and still provide financially for the ex-wife and kids - plus she’d be entitled to benefits plus his maintenance as a carer single mother of a severely disabled child so she’d be fine for money I’m sure. He could help with practicalities still too - plenty of men manage good relationships with children post divorce.

He just doesn’t actually want to - or he would. Whether it’s because he cares more about upsetting his wife than upsetting you, or he doesn’t want to financially suffer over upsetting you or wants to keep his Mr Nice Guy image or just wants his cake and eat it and has no desire to divorce. All scenarios mean you’re not as important as his wife / himself to him.

yeah that’s terrifying and most certainly not something I want - thanks for that

Maybe take up knitting or opera. To keep yourself occupied 😃

FFS he is not awful for staying and supporting his wife and child, he is awful for fucking you and lying to his wife and child. You are also awful and selfish - deserve to be taken out and shown off! Could you be more selfish?

Think practically and realistically for a minute, how would him taking you out and ‘showing you off’ work? Hi friends , meet hallie Constance, my affair partner, the reason I’ve left my wife and upended my family. Because he won’t say it but everyone will know . Everyone.