Can’t stop this affair

[HallieConstancex]

I have been seeing a man for over a year and a half. He has a family (partner & 2 children). I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

his reasons for not leaving are his oldest daughter has a severe disability so his partner has given up work and he provides everything for them, so can’t just leave.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

I can’t do no contact, I have to see him every month at work. It’s not a situation where either of us can leave but I won’t get into it as it’s outing. How am I ever supposed to move on when he has to be in my life for atleast another year?

I mean this might not be popular but -

I knew of a guy once who left his wife with 2 young physically disabled children (both under 5). No other woman I don't think but the stress of the situation tore them apart.

Not long after leaving he started seeing a young girl in her early 20's.

I thought at the time that even if that marriage had come to an end wouldn't the decent thing to have been to have stayed?

They both massively struggled parenting those children together so God knows how she managed it alone.
However he felt about his wife towards the end surely you couldn't leave someone that you'd once loved to just get on with it on their own.

I guess that could be why this guy is staying.

I suppose I'm wondering if that woman would have turned a blind eye to him doing his own thing if it meant they stayed together in the house in a partnership raising the children.

Maybe the wife in this case knows.

It might well be why he's staying - but then he doesn't get to have a secret affair and run around behind his wife's back. At that point you make an agreement that the marriage is finished but you're going to continue to co parent in the way that's best for the kids but you're both free to date other people.

What he's doing is jeopardising his wife's sexual health without her knowing, plus creating time to himself presumably by stealth in order to see his AP in secret which is time where his wife is left carrying the full load. I would put money on it that he's not then stepping up to take responsibility for care alone for her to go out and do her own thing as regularly as he is. So what he's doing is creating omissions that will build up to his wife potentially burning out.

Yeah, he definitely needs to pick up his balls and have a conversation with his wife. You never know they might manage to negotiate something different that works ok for them both.

Try to imagine how his wife would feel
if she knew. He’s an awful human being off playing around while she’s stuck at home caring for their disabled child. How can you even want to give someone like that the time of day? Never mind have an affair with him.

Just stop and do as @rubyslipperssaid