Can’t stop this affair

[HallieConstancex]

I have been seeing a man for over a year and a half. He has a family (partner & 2 children). I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

his reasons for not leaving are his oldest daughter has a severe disability so his partner has given up work and he provides everything for them, so can’t just leave.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

I can’t do no contact, I have to see him every month at work. It’s not a situation where either of us can leave but I won’t get into it as it’s outing. How am I ever supposed to move on when he has to be in my life for atleast another year?

You CAN stop
YOU have control over YOUR actions !!!

what else can anyone possibly say ????

I don't know? How can he stick his dick in someone else while his wife is at home look after his disabled child. You know having sacrificed her career and limiting her options to be the carer. Is he awful using his time to fuck someone else rather than ginvest his time into his family. You know he could give her a break in the timechis investing in you and your relationship.

Probably he wouldn’t leave or he would have. The rest is excuses. You say you ‘deserve’ to be taken out and not hidden - no. In this relationship you are getting exactly what you deserve- the shame of your actions.

You are deluded into this narrative he has spun you to make yourself feel better and to justify both of your behaviours.

Knowijg his circumstances your behaviour is the lowest of the low. Have you no empathy or human compassion for his wife who is probably struggling and exhausted?

Yes you are both awful. Find a small amount of self respect and find a new job and block him.

Stop the entitlement, excuses and awful behaviour now.

I didn’t mean ‘shown off’ by him. I meant by someone who would put me first, which is and never will be him.

Wow. I'm glad you're capable of some empathy towards the wife and child and think of how that would impact on them. Oh no, hang on... 😒

Honestly pick up whatever, if any, self worth you left at the door of wherever you met this arsehole and leave him alone. He’s got a wife and children. He’ll never leave them for you, he’s having his cake and eating it. How can women like you not just see that you’re a shag on the side of “boring” but comfortable family life? You’re a bit of excitement and he’ll tell you whatever you need to hear to keep you hooked. Both of you are disgusting, him more so but it’s a pretty close call.

I knit a lot while reading mumsnet…. I should change my name to Tricoteuse.

Dude. People are saying he’s awful because he’s cheating on his wife, not because he won’t leave her for you. Wtf planet are you on?

He’s literally cheating on his wife who is the mother and full time carer for his disabled child- of course he’s fucking awful.

You’re not special to him OP, just a bit of fun. Don’t let that fun derail your life.

Hammer ..nail… 😁

If he’s not leaving because he doesn’t want to hurt the mother of his child, he probably shouldn’t be cheating on her.

He could leave if he wanted to, regardless of his situation. He doesn’t want to. This isn’t some grand love; he doesn’t want to take you out, he doesn’t want to show you off, he doesn’t want to be seen in public with you. He’s using you as a distraction, and you’ll never be anything more to him.

What would you define as “awful”?

How can he not completely give you the ick?? How can you love and respect a man that whilst his wife is caring for their profoundly disabled child who may actually die during their lifetime, he’s fucking a woman from the office??

I wouldn’t even be able to look at him, let alone touch him.

But hey, at least op is going in with open eyes , knowing if they get together and have a child with additional needs, he'll again be totally justified in fucking around! Yay!

He is awful (that’s putting it mildly) and I doubt he’d leave even if his circumstances were different. He’s enjoying having his cake and eating it and if you think otherwise you’re quite delusional.
Of course you can end it and tbh by continuing with the affair you’re just as bad as he is. Put yourself in his wives shoes and think about how you’d feel if you were to find out.

He could give his girlfriend his house, pay the mortgage, parent his kid and free her to not be with such scum.

But he chooses instead to leave the child to her, to have her over a barrel financially, and to be risking her health with STDs and scamming her into thinking she's in a decent relationship. Men don't get much lower than this.

You need to cut him off. He’s not a nice person. His actions tell us that. I guarantee if you did, he will replace you in time because he’s an awful husband and person.

As a sister to an amazing MARRIED woman who has two children, one of whom is severely disabled….? I’d genuinely make it my life’s mission to burn your entire life down WHEN I found out. If my BIL did this I’d bury him. His own family will want to bury him and you. You do not have.l a future here. Your own family will find this hard to deal with! I have no words. Selfish, childish, immature. Both of you. I don’t even care if you have low self esteem, you need to get a grip!

Indeed. I mean as long as her time spent fucking another woman’s husband isn’t a waste then it’s all
good eh

Morally bereft, the both of you.

Yes he’s providing financially but he’s also off getting his end away and having a life. His wife is holding it together at home and will be until she or the child dies. I don’t have the words however you need to ask yourself at what point you’ve felt it acceptable to help damage this family unit.

You sound pretty awful yourself. The op is asking for help. Pretty low to punch down.

It should have never started, what the hell were you thinking. His poor wife and kid - what a shit of a man to do that to them. I bet you're not the first either but I guess you deserve each other.

What ‘help’ does this poster need?

She is having sex with a man who has a partner and disabled child at home. Spare the sympathy.

I actually think he's especially awful to be cheating when his wife and child need his support the most. And I might be cynical but I think he'll say anything to you so you carry on sleeping with him! Whether it's the sympathy vote or understanding you as you say. He's saying things you want to hear to make you feel special so he carries on getting what he wants.

I don't know how to not put this bluntly... but if he doesn't care about his family (which he doesn't because this is the ultimate disrespect), then how can he care about you who he sees now and again?
He's probably staying with them because he knows how it would look on him walking out on them. Sounds like he's only trying to protect his own image.

If he really wanted you , he’d find a way to make it all work, he clearly doesn’t and is using you and you’ve fell for it hook, line and sinker , have some self respect and walk away.

I read the thread I know. Naming calling is pretty childish. At least respond in an adult manner.