Can’t stop this affair

[HallieConstancex]

I have been seeing a man for over a year and a half. He has a family (partner & 2 children). I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

his reasons for not leaving are his oldest daughter has a severe disability so his partner has given up work and he provides everything for them, so can’t just leave.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

I can’t do no contact, I have to see him every month at work. It’s not a situation where either of us can leave but I won’t get into it as it’s outing. How am I ever supposed to move on when he has to be in my life for atleast another year?

You have obviously never heard of sisterhood.
I will enlighten you.
It’s where women, subconsciously or otherwise, support other women.
We don’t put women down, we don’t humiliate them, we absolutely support each other.
And we DEFINITELY don’t fuck another woman’s husband.
Give it a try, you might find you like it.
And you may, one day, be grateful for it.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

Don’t you think his wife deserves not to be cheated on?

You most definitely do have rose tinted glasses on. Wont leave her but happy for her to stay home looking after their kids while he's getting his end away with you? Disgusting man.
And you enabling it is just as Disgusting.

Have some self respect and end it. Yes you can go no contact. So you have to see him once a month in a professional context doesnt mean you need to contact him outside of this.

You don't deserve to be taken out and shown off by this man at all. You don't deserve much tbh in this situation.

You do deserve to feel ashamed though.

Just wanted to offer a perspective from the other side of this. Our youngest was born with a (minor!) disability and my husband didn’t cope with it at all, ended up having an affair to feed his ego while I struggled on with postnatal depression. She’s not even two yet and we’re already divorcing.

Anyway, the point is that the man you are seeing is weak, and you deserve better. If he really loved you, he’d already be divorced - or at least he would’ve told his wife by now. Instead he chooses only self-serving cowardice.

Fundamentally his family and his responsibilities are not your business. But you are your business. And it’s time you invested in and backed yourself.

Choose better than his wife did, and bin off this spineless weakling. In a few months you’ll feel like you can breathe again.

My mum once told me “never be the other woman.” You get all the heartbreak, and none of the sympathy.

bin him. Invest in you.

good luck.

30 years ago in London my next door neighbour was a woman in her 50s who had been the other woman for 20 years or more. Met him via work: he lived up north and came to head office every month for a meeting, spent a couple of nights with her, went home to his wife. Occasional letters and phone calls. She once had a weekend with him in a hotel when his wife and daughter were away.

We were neighbours for around 5 years and whenever we chatted he was the only thing she talked about: how much longer would it take before he'd leave his wife and disabled daughter, yada, yada, yada.

I met her years later in Torquay. She'd retired there, he was still finding excuses to meet up with her a few times a year, she was still expecting him to leave his wife. She would have been well into her 60s by this point and I can't tell you how desperately sad it all was. If she'd said no to him when they first met, she would have been married and had a family — things she desperately wanted. Instead of which... Don't be like her, OP.

Maybe a tipoff to his wife would stop him from worming his way back in He may run to your friend though when he is kicked out.

Leaving them doesn’t mean that he stops giving them support. It might be better for them - certainly more honest.

He is being very unreasonable, feeding you and his family a pack of lies.

Get a new job.

You should both be ashamed of yourselves. His poor wife.

As difficult and painful as it will be, you need to end this. Too many lives can be destroyed.

In time, you’ll be pleased you did.

I've never been so selfish as to go with a married man.. I've never wanted to cause hurt and harm to the wife and kids. No good will come of it.

When you're in it, you can't see it. Believe me this is the biggest mistake of your life.

Corr there's some scummy people out there. You and him both.

I don't know what is worse to read

Your lack of sympathy for the family you are helping him cheat on, or remorse.

Or "I deserve to be taken out and shown off". Breathtaking arrogance and self-absorption for a woman who can't find a man that isn't attached and has to resort to stealing someone else's. I am sure that if it wasn't you, it would be someone else. I doubt you are as special as you believe yourself to be

I hope you keep him blocked. If you find yourself wavering, please remember this, you are a fool, and to him, YOU are nothing more than a “hole” that he can shag.

You have went into this with your eyes wide open, you knew he was married, his poor unsuspecting wife deserves more, much more.

Parents of disabled children break up and coparent all the time. Of course he could and would leave her if he wanted to.

I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc

If you want to be taken out and shown off then find someone who is free to do it, and stop shagging a man who has a wife and family.

It’s a good job you’re not here for sympathy because not one person is going to give you any! Quite the opposite, you’re not a nice person cheating with a man who has a wife at home caring for his sick child! Why on earth did you think people would sympathise with you?

Good grief.

Yes he is awful.
You are awful
and
Its excruciatingly embarrassing to read your posts 😩

Your a twat he only cares for himself he obviously doesn't care for his family if he cheats on wife will cheat on you

"But IS he awful?"

Yes. His cheating is physical, mental, emotional, and financial abuse of his wife. And you're complicit in that.

You need to stop, he's telling you one thing and her another. If he wanted you he'd leave, you will always be seen as the one in the wrong no matter the outcome. Find a new job and cut contact. Once your affair becomes public (and it will) it will be your reputation that goes down the drain and your life more affected than his. It always is, for some reason men always come out better

I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret

Wow! Just, wow! What about what his wife and family deserve? They deserve not to be lied to.

You're just as bad as he is. There is one option - end it. End it and work with him but avoid being alone etc and put boundaries in place or end it and one of you needs to find a new job.

No sympathy (or I doubt many others) from me about what you deserve. And in regards to him, how many men lie about them not leaving because of reasons a, b or c and they are just cohabiting with their wives? He's living a double life and you've allowed it. I hope your using protection and not putting his wife at risk

He is never going to leave his wife if disabled child is his excuse.

You have to decide if you want to wait about living a half life, missing out on being a proper couple with proper future