Can’t stop this affair

[HallieConstancex]

I have been seeing a man for over a year and a half. He has a family (partner & 2 children). I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

his reasons for not leaving are his oldest daughter has a severe disability so his partner has given up work and he provides everything for them, so can’t just leave.

he knows me better than anyone, yet I know I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc, instead of someone’s secret.

I can’t do no contact, I have to see him every month at work. It’s not a situation where either of us can leave but I won’t get into it as it’s outing. How am I ever supposed to move on when he has to be in my life for atleast another year?

Stop telling people what they can and cannot post. She asked for people to call her out and they have - if you don't like it stop reading.

Men rarely leave, he is using his daughter as the excuse. His wife deserves better.

Of course he's awful. Who cheats on a woman who sacrifices her career and financial independence to look after his disabled child?

A prince among men 🙄

I mean seriously how can you find someone so lacking in character and morals attractive? Why doesn't he repulse you?

And you do know you won't be the only woman he's sleeping with. If he can lie to his wife he won't think twice about lying to you....please get an STD test. He's probably got lots of women on the go.

You are obviously selfish how could you split up family with disabled child

You’re a casual shag. He doesn’t love you. He is awful and you’re deluded. I pity you.

What nationally is he?

His disabled child is a red herring

He’s a dirty, arrogant cheat who just wanted to have some fun outside his marriage. He uses the fact his child is disabled to justify to his mistresses the fact that he won’t ever leave his wife but it’s ok to see mistresses because he’s trapped. What a twisted fucker he is. That woman has given up work to look after the disabled dd - so you can safely assume that it’s a lot of work. Every time this child’s dad is seeing you, he’s leaving the mum to struggle alone. What a shit husband and shit dad. Think of that - every minute you spend with him makes that woman’s life harder and more miserable.

Don’t mess your own life up by being involved with this scummy piece of shit.

Plenty of men leave disabled kids. Like I say, complete red herring / bullet proof excise not to leave.

How could you even be a little attracted to a man who leave his wife to do all the heavy lifting for their (I repeat, THEIR) disabled child. The woman he chose to marry and have children with who has, due to circumstances had to make herself financially vulnerable by being the one to stay home. She probably thought that he was part of their team. The only reason he has the freedom to have this affair is because his amazing wife is home doing the hard work, while he gets his jolly on.

Can anyone really find a man like that attractive?

Enjoy the scraps as that’s all you will ever get, if it wasn’t his child it would be a diff excuse, you don’t seem very switched on. If he wanted to he would, he could seperate from his wife and still support her and his child but he doesn’t actually want you, you’re only good for casual fun. May karma find you both.

Great point and it’s actually vile isn’t it. He’s out shagging about whilst his wife is home caring for their disabled child and has had to sacrifice everything. Just hideous.

You will always be his secret. He will never openly acknowledge you. He will waste the best years of your life if you let him. If that’s what you want then catty on. You deserve it

Are you thick? Why do they have to remain romantically together or married in order to be able to continue to physically and financially support their child together?

Trust me when I tell you that his wife may just be glad to see the back of him, that the job with their child will more than likely become a whole lot easier once she doesn’t have this shit of a man getting in her way on the nights he’s not with you.

And shame on the fucker for making their child a prop in the story he’s told you in order to justify being a despicable cheating bastard.

You don’t have a knight in shining armour in your bed a few hours a week, and if you take a deep breath you’ll realise that what you can smell is coming from the shit the bed of a man beside you.

If you don’t stop seeing him, where do you think the relationship is going to go? Eventually you will both be found out and then what?

You know what you’re doing is wrong. You need to stop making excuses and end it now.

You can use the word cunt on here. Words only have the power you give them. You've derailed her thread for your own ends because that personal insult was deleted many many posts ago and you're still banging on.

Does he ever give the wife a break?
Has he ever proposed an open relationship to her so that she gets a say in it? And then let her have as much free time as he does so that she could also meet someone?

He could be lying and gaslighting her like crazy, making her already difficult life even more difficult.

If he was the one at home all the time looking after their daughter and his wife was out having an affair I bet you would think she was pretty awful.

He is no man.
sorry OP. You can convince yourself he’s a good man because he’s sticking by his child and refusing to leave but you know deep down he’s a lying cheating POS.
please work on your self esteem . Tell him to focus on his wife and kids and you find someone who is available for an honest and proper relationship .
even if he were to leave - have you met the disabled child? Seen how hard is to raise them , care for them etc? Life would not be all bed of roses with him showing you off etc - it would look very different from how you imagine

So your aim is to have no children and wait around swooning over a man who, before he reaches seventy, might have his disabled daughter die and be free to marry you!

You miss out on a partner who shares your life. You miss out on a partner who knows your parents and friends. You live your life in the dark like a dirty secret.

You have the choice to cut free and not look back.

Leave your job, end the affair and find your own self respect.

You are being selfish, you know that. You're not the star in some wishy-washy romcom starring a young Hugh Grant. You're an intelligent woman who has willingly entered into a clandestine relationship with someone else's husband. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Find another job.
Delete and block him.
Give him the chance to mend or end his marriage without you pressurising him.
Find a man of your own and stay away from married men.

Oh dear. How quick you are to disregard his oldest daughter with a severe disability, and the rest of his family. Do you think you're worth more than them? Would you like to be so cast aside when said man wants to move on from you?
There doesn't need to be another year of seeing him. Just get out. I've no sympathy at all with you, but I do hope you're just stupid, not vulnerable and being exploited. Good luck.

I deserve to be taken out, showed off etc.

Nah, you don’t, you aren’t worth it.

His poor wife is probably too tired to want sex with him after looking after a disabled child all day so he’s looked elsewhere and there you where willing to give him a regular shag which is probably all you’ll ever be to him he’s never going to leave his wife and child for you your just an escape for a while from his situation instead of shagging you he should maybe help more with his disabled child and give his wife a break and you need to get some self respect stop enabling his despicable behaviour and cut ties with him the sooner you wake up and smell the coffee the sooner you’ll realise your nothing more to him than a regular place to dip his wick

He would see you more than every other month and leave if he wanted he’s just enjoying the control and having someone wanting him. The day to day life of raising children is hard at times let alone a child with severe disability he just wants a bit of relief from it all.

Sounds like his wife has sacrificed a lot including her earning potential to care for their child. She needs supporting by someone who loves her. Her being abandoned will damage her mental health and she deserves better. Even if court allows her to stay in house with children etc things will become financially difficult for her why does she deserve that? Honestly block him so you can’t have contact and leave them alone.

He CAN just leave and continue to provide for his wife and family financially.

He CAN just leave and continue to provide for his wife and family by seeing them as often as possible and paying for carers if necessary.

He CAN just leave. He doesn't WANT to leave. Otherwise he would just leave

I’m not here for sympathy, I know I need to let go.

don't worry, you won't get and deserve sympathy. What he is doing is wrong on all levels, but you aren't any better. Why on earth are you involved with a married man with a family?

end the 'relationship' or whatever that is If you see him monthly, he is not very much in your life. Resign, find another job. The possibilities are virtually endless.

You are a homewrecker, how do you deserve anything eps being showed off? You are both awful people! do you not have any morals?